I'm not philosophizing. I'm just saying I'm feeling bad and then thinking folks like Cordnoy go and ask me what does "feelin' bad about it" mean? So I have to come up with some convoluted response to satisfy the thinkers.

I don't know about solutions, so don't take anythin' from me, but I do know that I generally do/did not fell bad about it, but I still wanted/want to change.

You will ask me: why then?
My response: For my life is unmanageable without recovery.
You will ask: Do you "feel bad" about life bein' unmanageable?
I might respond: yes.

So you see, perhaps we both feel bad; you are mournin', and i am not.

I am merely pointin' out the meanin's of the words; this is not at all to say what a person should be thinkin' and what is more productive.

Cords, I know that you pride yourself in bein' the no thinkin' guy. So I just offered a touch of sarcasm. Even when I'm meserable, I'm still cute. (if you consider that cute)

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:


Cordnoy used to be known as the "anti-thinker."

newaction wrote:


Yes, but you know that he sinned lehoros teshuva leyachid, to show an individual who has fallen that he can repent. So he showed the way by his display of real teshuva with tremendous martyrdom with extensive prishus, taaneisim and tefillos and lo and behold, he never fell again.

But I have been kikelev sheshav al kayo ksil shoneh beivalto. I have not learned the above mentioned lesson that King David taught. So the mizmor that I would say after a fall would be a lie.

The motto here is 1 day at a time. That's a good practice but not a good plan. I have many times had a good day. For this I don't necessarily need GYE. I am looking for a plan. A plan of not being like the kelev I spoke about above. I'm told here that such a plan isn't available to be had. I don't really believe this because King David taught something didn't he. So I'm up to 2 things. First to know the way of teshuva. Second, and here is the real point, TO DO IT! But we aren't really ready to give up all of our rotten sin provoking ways, so then I can't blame it on King David's lesson. It's me. So why don't I want to do what it takes? Maybe because I sinned so much that the light of the neshama isn't quite shining through. It's even been a long time since I've said to Hashem with any real degree of sincerity Hashivalisesonyishecho.

Hashivalisesonyishecho

Hi Hashiva,
I just want to say hello and let you know that I think about you and daven for your success.

pischoshelmachat wrote:


Wow, that's beautiful. Hashem should bentch you with Kol Tuv.

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:


This is the second time I am quoting myself with this statement. There has been much discussion about it which I don't want to rehash, and there has been a lot of water under the bridge since then. But now I actually want to get to my next discussion which follows this first idea.

What we do in raising our children, our every interaction with them, adds to the formation of their self esteems and their personalities. If we give them the feeling that they can be strong and that they are in fact strong, by the true meaning of strength (Kovesh es yitzro), and that they can be disciplined and successful in following through with what they strive to do, then we have given them the best possible thing that a parent can give a child and a rebbee can give a student.

I have a tendency to be hard and strict with my children, as I am with myself, in a way which doesn't follow the idea I am discussing. I am that way with my wife too. It's very subtle, meaning I don't speak sharply or clearly say hurtful things, but in a subtle way I am mevatel them and not mechazek them.
^{I want to change that.}
I would therefore like to post things that I am doing to change this and also when I feel I did the wrong thing in this area. I would also ask if anyone can give suggestions and opinions in this area.

This evening there was a delay in serving supper, so while waiting, my seven year old son took a hot dog from the freezer and put in the oven to broil, and when I came in to the kitchen, he told me that he did that because he was too hungry to wait. I should have said "I like a man who takes care of himself" I didn't do that and I did the opposite. I am making a clear note of this in order to change this type of thing. There is a fine line between having orderly rules and being overly judgmental and degradingly strict.

Its hard to believe that your tough on your family, 'cause over here you are very understanding and supportive.

Hi Hash
I had this exact issue. I needed to pause and think before reacting to ensure I did not say anything harmful.
I started calling my sons tzadik before each thing I said to them.

yiraishamaim, thank you. But I think it is YOU who are being supportive by saying that.
And second of all, you have to know that being that I am so hard on myself, I am making it sound worse than it is as I'm not so tough on my family, just a little, but that's a little too much and it needs correction.

pischoshelmachat wrote:


Tzadik, how many times do I have to tell you to ......!?!?!

I'm just kidding.

It's great that you're trying to correct it. And by addressing him nicely, you are making a reminder to yourself to say the right things to him, because it involves more than just the tone and the title, and that's exactly what I want to address here. Thanks for joining me in this discussion and avoda.

And if someone asks 'What does this have to do with GYE issues?' the answer is it has a lot to do for many reasons which I don't have the time t enumerate now because I'm heading to bed.

Hashiva, Glad to see your posting. I'm looking forward to hearing more about your success with your new family approach. I relate.

Hatzlacha!

After I wrote that i thought about it a bit and I can see how I as well act differently in different situations. We are not always fully aware,life is complex with all kinds of pressures and issues that we have to negotiate.