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From tragedy to redemption
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TOPIC: From tragedy to redemption 46895 Views

From tragedy to redemption 08 Jan 2015 10:00 #246817

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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I am a middle aged person, highly talented, but leider unaccomplished. I seem to have some strengths but not the strength and the resolve to do what it takes to use my talents to be what I can be. I have had lot's of tzaros in my life which have gotten the better of me and eventually removed me from my learning and my general Ruchnius success. I was not omed benisoyon. I am ashamed of myself. On the outside I still seem like a basically Choshever person but nobody knows what I really am. When I was a Bochur and a young yungerman, everybody was sure I would turn out to be one of the Gedolim. That hasn't happened(yet). I would never tell anyone of my worst failings, but this failing of me not succeeding to fulfill my potential is known. I guess people may have long ago forgotten what was supposed to become of me but looking at me now they see nothing but an empty wasted soul. I haven't forgotten the original plan and somewhere deep down I still hope Hashem will give me back my neshama. My Boosha is maybe a good thing in a way because it keeps things from getting more out of hand. But it makes it impossible for me to get the support and encouragement that might help me do what I should. Maybe I could get the support here. I am middle aged but my mind knows that it isn't too late. I need my heart to know it too.
Last Edit: 01 Apr 2015 13:55 by Hashivalisesonyishecho.

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 11:02 #246821

  • Radio
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a
Last Edit: 30 Jan 2015 02:45 by Radio.

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 16:47 #246829

  • doingtshuva
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Welcome to GYE
Pischu Le Pesach Shel Machat..........
You are in the right place
there is hope just get ready to work.
Hatzluche raba
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


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Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 17:09 #246831

  • Shmeichel
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Dear Hashivalisesonyeshacho
welcome to reality!
i was the top of my class in cheder
i was the top of the whole yeshiveh
in kolel i was of the best
i had chavruses who finished shaas baal peh
we used to learn 8 hours non stop, day after day
i thought i will be the greatest next godel
and where am i now??????????
come lets hold hands, lets shed a tear together
i understand you very well
listen to some small advice:
nobody but NOBODY is perfect!
and you nor i will NOT be the next gedolim in klal yisroel
its the tool of the yetzer hora that is called perfectionism!
that if we wont be THE TOP its not worth anything
like yerovom asked מי בראש, thats all what mattered for him
we should be happy to be plain poshette ehrliche yiden!
now that alone is a great achievement, do you agree?
when going forward gets tough, its merely a sign that you are going uphill, just give more gas
put your sobriety first; before your wife, before your kids, before your avodas HaTorah (except for the 3 that are יעבור ואל יהרג) Without sobriety you won't have any of those things!
Last Edit: 08 Jan 2015 17:10 by Shmeichel.

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 17:49 #246832

  • ineedchizuk
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Shalom aleichem, Hashiva!

We're all in this together, צרת רבים...

Make yourself comfortable- Keep posting. Here you can be real, and post what's really going on

Hatzlacha on becoming what the רבש"ע wants of you!

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 22:26 #246834

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  • בְּרִית כָּרַתִּי לְעֵינָי וּמָה אֶתְבּוֹנֵן עַל־ב
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Welcome. You came to the right place. It's good to hear about problems that I go through, about regrets that I have of what I didn't accomplish. I hear you bemoaning the same problems that I bemoan. And most of all it's good to hear that you are not giving up. Keep writing, and keep up the good work.

Like Rebeinu Yona writes in Igeret Hateshuva, look at it as if you're starting today, with no sins and no Mitzvot. Start a clean slate. That can ease the burden of that past that is holding us down, and give us inspiration for the future.

חזק ואמץ
בְּרִית כָּרַתִּי לְעֵינָי וּמָה אֶתְבּוֹנֵן עַל־בְּתוּלָֽה

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 22:28 #246835

  • dms1234
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WELCOME!

Check out the GYE Handbook and Skep's tips
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 22:33 #246836

  • gibbor120
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WELCOME! You have taken a great first step. Keep posting and reading. Many have been helped here. It's nice to have you with us!

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 22:49 #246837

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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Let me say what I was thinking after I posted. Just as there is this forum which is the greatest thing for support in our struggles to keep clean of sin, we need such a forum for moving ahead in our struggles to to the Mitzvos in the sense of Aseh Tov. When people feel a void and turn to sinful 'comforts' it would be great if they could have the hope to find the means to fill the real void. That's what I am looking for.

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 22:56 #246838

  • shomer bro
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From the fsct you're here, it shows that you have the hope and desire to achieve your dreams in life. Sometimes we feel that we're not accomplished because we're not where we expected to be by this point in time. But, just maybe, you just neec more time than you originally thought. You have the best of your years ahead of you to grow and achieve great things! You can do it, and i believe in you! You gotta believe in you too!

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 23:06 #246840

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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Thank you. I wish I could be real here but I don't know if I can. When we are talking about Sur Mera, we can be real because what is Ra for one is Ra for all so we all have the same standard(basically). But when it comes to Aseh Tov, there are those of us who should be doing Chesed, others who should be learning behasmada etc and all of these things have countless levels. When a person sees someone else's standard which is very different from his own, whether that standard is much higher or much lower than the standard that applies to him, it could could be disturbing and sometimes hurtful.

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 23:08 #246841

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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Thank you. I need a new way which I have not yet tried and failed.

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 23:12 #246842

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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I took a quick look and it looks like it's worth studying.

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 08 Jan 2015 23:16 #246844

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Welcome Hashiva!, we have NO choice about what has been and how much we could of achieved in life if this that and the other would have been rosy and cozy, it won't help if we think about the past and what we have done to ourselves, it will bring us nowhere at all on the contrary it just pulls us down, rather we have to work with the present (and not even the future) and do what is right what Hashem wants from us this moment and live it minute by minute, and remember everything we do for his sake even the most minor thing is a step forward in our recovery, whishing you lots of Hatzlacha.
הסיבה שיש דברים קשים העוברים עליך היא בגלל שהאדם חושב כי "אני עומד" שהוא מנהל הכל,
ברגע שיתן הכנעה כי השי"ת מנהיג הכל אז כבר אפשר להתמודד עם הקשיים. שמעתי מאדם גדול

If life is a LEMON make LEMONADE

Thank You Hashem for every moment of Sobriety!
Last Edit: 09 Jan 2015 11:23 by belmont4175.

Re: A tragedy of the human condition 09 Jan 2015 04:32 #246850

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Hello Hashivalisesonyeshacho. Welcome.

I find it difficult to comment on your opening post because it didn't say a word about lust, acting out, shmiras einayim, zera levatolo or any such struggle. The fact that you wrote here suggests that you have such struggles, but the help available is a bit limited if you don't write about your own struggle.

If your post is simply about lost potential, I can try to write a little about how it's never too late. Don't forget that R' Akiva only started when he was middle aged.

If there's more to it then there's 2 possibilities. Either you're not an addict and you've just fallen in and need help to regain self discipline. If so, great. Keep coming back and keep on posting, it will really help.

Or you are an addict, in which case your problem is that you have an illness rather than simply aveiras and the whole sur merah va'aseh tov ideal you speak of misses the more pertinent point entirely. If you're ill you need to get well. There are people who have recovered but not through finding the right mitzva or learning the right sefer or having the right kavona.

To say it in different words, you might need a spiritual (not just religious, although they often go hand-on-hand) experience. Instead of sur merah va'aseh tov, focus on betach baShem va'aseh tov.

I have no idea which of these categories, if any, relate to you. Please write more and tell us.
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