Thank you for touching my heart Shomer bro . I have no words.

newaction, I can't offer you any advice because you are truly doing amazingly and you are shteiging away, so what can offer. But I must offer something to you because you are so kind and worthy. So my humble contribution to you is that I let you know that I am looking forward to hear more and more of your success and I await eagerly the day when your wife will appreciate your goodness and have the ability to express it to you in the form of her love.

Amen ! I will let you know BE"H. I know i am more lax when it comes to "shteiging" in Torah . Thats another goal i have set for myself ,to be mishtadel in not wasting time and start real shteiging . I take it one day at a time but my Torah learning definitely needs chizuk . Thanks for reminding me !

I didn't mean davka shteiging in learning. I meant in all areas that you are growing be"h. I also need a big yeshua as far as learning and not wasting my time. I hope you succeed with it. It looks like you're not as far from it as I. I hope to get there but I don't see it. I encourage you though.

Thank you for your encouragement ! I know what you meant but "shtiging" reminded me of my Torah . Hey how do you know i am getting close to it ?? Are you becoming intuitive like me ?

I will being meeting today with goyim. Some pritzusdike women will be there. I am planning it now. I don't want to be looking at the women at all. I should say a tefilla asking hashem to keep me clean. I am posting this here in order to be accountable and I plan to report how it went.

Hatzlacha, both with the meeting and the not-meeting.

Excellent idea and action , let us know how it went .Hatzlacha

The report is I wasn't 100% perfect but I was pretty good and much better than I have been in the past before GYE.

Thanks for the report . B"H you are human nobody does things perfectly . In AA they say that ours is a process of progress not of perfection. KUTGW !

"much better"

I hope you are appreciating your own words. You accomplished. Celebrate the Victory!

Another report. Yesterday I thought I should be kovea ittim so I decided to wake up 1/2 hour earlier than I used to and learn. So this morning I woke up 1/2 hour earlier. I didn't end up learning the entire time but I did part of the time. It is certainly an accomplishment but I ended up feeling bad about myself. I am about to retire for the night and I again plan to wake up 1/2 early to learn. I am about to say a tefila for it. I plan to report.

There is a lot going on in my life now. A lot of difficulties. I believe it is a direct result of my acting out. Maybe I'll expand at some point. I am trying to stop acting out. I am hoping that at least some of the difficulties can be reversed. May hashem help us all, and me included.

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:
How do you know? Are you a navi? There are dozens of reasons it could be happening, and may have absolutely nothing to do with your acting out.

Gibbor brings out a key point.
Many things happen to us.
And yes, all is from the RBS"O.
We can interpret things as we please.
We do not know their true intent.
There are always messages.
Inspirations to improve are always a positive.

b'hatzlachah

You want to stop acting out for your own personal freedom from the chains of your own slavery. Irrelevant from what is going on outside .