Hi my name is Avi and I'm embarrassed to write because my spelling is bad to say the least so that's why i'm writing here......
My name Is Avi 29 married with kids and I'm a sexaholic. I hit rock bottom 127 days ago and ever since have bean going to meetings ,got a sponsor [that fell] got another one trying to read and god is keeping me clean one day at a time ever since.... i still struggle with lust and it comes manly after anger,expectations ,and after i'm very successful at work.
I'm writing this since i don't want to so that's a good enough resin to do so
Avi

Very nice!
Welcome.
Don't be ashamed; your spellin' is better than many, where English is there primary language!
Sounds like you're workin' the steps; that's nice.
We are lookin' forward to hear more.
Yes, my recovery also began after I hit rock bottom.
Sadly, I found out afterwards that it only felt at the time like rock bottom, but in truth, there was more rock bottom awaitin' for me.
Anyway, recovery should be b'hatzlachah, and do share please.

Wow. It doesn't matter how you spell, it's obvious that you write with feeling.
Welcome. Stick around and you'll make friends here. Many will be able to relate to you; and vice versa.
Hatzlocha

Welcome to GYE! I'm so glad to read this post, it gives me a lot of chizuk! Keep posting, please!

Shalom aleichem, Avi

(Now if only I'd follow your lead and simply do anything that makes me uncomfortable...:-) )

ineedchizuk wrote:


You can....

Good morning thanks for all the responses.
I'm trying to see where I'm holding, I feel that although at the beginning when i started the program i really felt close to god however now I'm just "clean" and find it harder at times to connect to god and i'm just "doing" it.
My question is do I need to "feel" God at all times? or from time to time is enough?
Thanks Avi

IMHO:

One of the main purposes of the 12 steps, and accordin' to some - it is the primary purpose - is to become closer to God. So, how can success be measured? Are you closer to Him than you were 124 days ago? Do you feel Him more than yesterday? When you get to the stage that you feel God at all times, you might be a malach.

b'hatzlachah

WELCOME!

Check out the GYE Handbook and Skep's tips

avi dont worry about the spillin
here in England there was a famous millionaire who couldn't write his checks
he had all his checks and letters written by his secretary/solicitor
once a non frum guy teased him that his boy went to collage for a lawer degre, while our frum boys go to yeshiveh, the millionaire answered him, good so he can be my next secretary

No pun intended?

Good morning
I'm holding on step 11 and trying to see how to apply it to my day to day life what caught my eye and mind the most is faith without works is dead.this changes my whole view on the relationship with God and myself it's real not just faith .Hope god will help me get closer to him on a constant bases
Avi

He most certainly will!
You continue workin', and He wants nothin' more than for you to feel His proximity to you.

b'hatzlachah

arm408 wrote:


I remember one Yom Kippur where no matter what I could not seem to feel any connection to Hashem. I tried everything I could think of and felt nothing.

After Davening was over I went over to a Rebbe of mine who was there and spoke to him. I was wiped out and felt defeated and tried to explain how I felt.

My Rebbe told me that Rav Nachman writes that while Tefillah where we feel a real closeness to Hashem is amazing, it cannot touch a Tefillah where no matter how hard we try, we do not feel anything. Those Tefillos where we just can't seem to connect are Tefillos coming from a deep place inside. A Tefilla where we feel we are connecting has in it some personal gain because we feel good and invigorated in the process. When we Daven despite feeling nothing, it is even more powerful.

We see many sources from Gedolim across generations that they felt like Hashem was not there. Dovid Hamelech in Tehillim speaks of it many times, "Keili Keili Lamah Azavtani" - "My God, My God why have you abandoned me" etc.

I believe when we want to feel the presence of Hashem, and we Daven to feel that presence, over time we may be blessed to feel it more frequently. Ultimately though, we will only truly feel it constantly in the next world (or maybe after Moshiach comes.) Until then, there will God-willing be many times we feel the connection, but some when sadly we do not.