Hi,

i need some advice...

Very quiet work week + wife niddah + strong yetzer hara = very thin ice.

i started to slip up on tuesday, regained control, started slipping again, regained control, started slipping again --- i need a way to snap out of this, but am having trouble!!!

welcome,

you are among friends.

many can tell you ideas how not to be bored, keep busy, learn torah and mussar, or all other types of distractions, and perhaps, that is what you need to hear; I don't know, for I know nothin' about you.
I know that I am addicted to such "slips" behavior, and sadly, there are more "slips" opportunities than there are distractions.
That is why I knew that I needed to figure out what was the cause of this behavior, and determine what can be done about it.

Lookin' forward to hear more.

b'hatzlachah

Thanks Cordnoy!

I have a kind of unusual behavior pattern, wondering if anyone out there has similar experience:

Thank G-D I've been clean for quite a while, but from time to time i get the urge to look for 'inappropriate material' (henceforth 'i.m.')online, but not directly - as if I am trying to fool myself -- e.g. i won't do a google search on a keyword that will definitely display i.m., but will instead search for indirect things that i know can likely result in i.m. - but if/when an image shows up, I feel repulsed with myself and click away. after a few times i will feel guilty enough to stop. Then when i am offline/doing something else/davening/learning/working i will get the urge to go through the whole 'game' again...

Anyone else with similar experiences?

My pleasure.

We kinda view lust as lust.

Have you ever searched directly and viewed i.m.?
How many years have you had your issue (whatever it may be)?
What are you doin' to recover?

b'hatzlachah

Yes - for about 15 years on and off - 'acting out' for me consisted of looking at 'i.m' and m*sturbating. since my marriage about 6 years ago i've been clean - but from time to time (once/twice a year maybe?) I go through the pattern described for a day or 3... i know on the surface it might sound like something every healthy male goes through, but because of my history i am here looking for the exact chizuk you're poviding THANKS!!!

Welcome!
Anything in particular that you find helps?

yes, visiting GYE!!!

also convincing myself to delay giving in, and remembering that the urge is temporary (or at least at that intensity)

music helps too, see amazing GR"A on divrei hayamim I perek 23 pasuk 4.

WELCOME!!!!!!!

Check out the GYE Handbook and Skep's tips

This indirect, avoiding process, is something that I see a lot in my own life, not just in i.m. I think you have described it very well. And at least you can be thankful that your Yetzer Hara hasn't convinced you to be more direct. It shows that in the big picture your values are in the right place, just that you struggle with them.

So keep up the fight. We're all here for you, and support your struggle to be free of this wily trickster.

Hi and welcome! I hope you find the chizuk that you need. I think your story and 6 years of being clean should provide a lot of chizuk for many people here! Personally I was just having a thought that I knew had no real purpose and would only lead me to a slip or fail. It wasn't in itself an illicit thought, but it could lead in that direction. Knowing that I don't want to head in that direction, there was just no point for me to continue entertaining the thought I was having.

For me, my problem is fighting the addiction. Fighting leads me to slip then stop, slip then stop, slip then stop. In the end I can't keep stopping and I fall.

What it is for me is that I still want to enjoy some lust, I still haven't given it up completely. So at some level I'm thinking am I strong enough today to lust a little and then pull back before I fall? And to make it worse, that sometimes works. I can sometimes lust a bit then read the white book and daven and feel better.

But of course having fed the addiction it demands more and more and I can't keep dipping me toes into the shark tank forever without getting bitten.

Hence fighting urges is my way of trying to control and enjoy more lust.