Hello. After many months reading here I decide to register and join officially. I am 20 years old married B"H to wonderful woman. I have struggled with SSA since I am 16 but never let it come to actions. When I have stressed and difficulties. I begin to slip and look at materials on the internet. But I know this is only temporary relieve and it is causing me to slip farther away. 

My problem now. Is that I struggle the most with maggid shiur. This is one of my biggest triggers. I question myself if I am only going to look. Or if it is to learn.

Welcome! You've taken what i consider to be the first major step toward recovery- reaching out. I too suffer from ssa, and there are others here on gye who do as well. I totally understand your dilemma, and it can be a question in many circumstances. I know i have friends who can be triggers sometimes, so i have to work on not gazing lustfuly at them and try to see them as people and not objects of fantasy. Its basically the same ideas that people with just sa deal with. Its just a different twist of the yetzer hara. Does it affect your learning having this magid shiur? Its a tough call whether its kdai to switch shiurim. The thing is, will it solve anything because he's still in your yeshiva. Hatzlacha and feel free to pm or email me at shomerbro@gmail.com

Welcome and thanks for joining and sharing your struggle.
Yasher Koach for not giving in. And for getting married.

I B"H don't have SSA, but I hear from my friends here who do, that the best thing to do is to live as normal a life as possible.

You won't be able to run away from this. If you quit this shiur because of the maggid, the next one might be worse, or maybe another bochur in the shiur will be the new problem. I have found that once I understood that I have a lust addiction, and that my triggers are just triggers -- not gods who hold unholy power over my very being -- the trigger is weakened. Now since my triggers are women, I need to avoid them. Your situation is obviously different. But there are triggers in my life, like people at work, whom I must interact with. With time, the trigger is weakened. Like Shomer said, keep telling yourself they're just people. Not sex objects. Not lust objects. Just people.

Ask Hashem for help before you walk into the shiur.

WELCOME! and MAZAL TOV on taking this important step. Keep posting and reaching out.

I totally hear you. If you can't learn where you are now, then maybe switching would help. But if its not, then I'd advise you to stay because the issue may be in another shiur, unless you scout out a rebbe beforehand who's not a trigger to you. Do you have this problem with other bachurim?

I know it may feel like Hashem has singled us out for a particularly difficult nisayon in life. But know that it's proof that we can overcome it, and we are in no way considered broken! Keep on shtaiging!

Hi Ehrliche.Bochur (Yungerman?) I just wanted to welcome you aboard. I'm much older than you and married for many years but also struggling with SSA since my teens. Like you, I BH never acted out with anyone else, but it's a constant daily battle.

I can strongly relate to your dilemma with the Magid Shiur. For me it's at work, there are guys here who I am strongly attracted to and it's a daily struggle not to get overwhelmed with desire and fantasies. It's gotten so bad at times that i seriously thought of leaving but i realized that the same thing will happen wherever i go and I just have to deal with it. And besides, right now I work in a Frum place, if i left I very well might wind up out in the world where standards of behavior are much lower and I could easily get sucked into places far lower than I've ever been.

Stick around, this is a great place where people understand you and you will see that you are not alone.

Hatzlacha and KOMT!!

Gevura Shebyesod wrote:


Thank you for your response and advice. Your story is great support. It is very encouraging that you have similar experience and you never have fallen. in all this many years. Truly you are ehrlicher yid. I think that you are correct with the maggid shiur. Maybe it will be difficult now with my struggles and gazing. But if I switch maybe the next one will be even more of a struggle or other bochurim. The problem I am having where my lust and gazing takes control of me when I am learning with other men. It is always when I am doing work to become better the yetzer hara returns to show me he has control. I do not have this problem with men in the streets (sometimes). But I remain myself busy with my tasks and I do not gaze on him. I feel sometimes that it is not fair to my wife. That I am lying to her. I do not want to lie. That maybe I should have told her I am having this struggles before we became married. And she would make the decision with all the knowledge before. But I thought once I am married the SSA would not continue to be issue anymore. I have never told this problem to my rebbe or my family or my wife C"V they should find out. But I am ready to seek help now on GYE

Welcome to GYE! I can't imagine what it would be like to be in your situation and I hope you get all the chizuk and help from Hashem that you need. Thank G-d there is this place you can come and gain fellowship with people struggling right along side of you.

I'd like to echo everyone's welcomes.
Whatever desires we have, we all are in the same boat.
We, B"H, have whatever we have, and we need to learn to live life with this addiction.
That's why we're here.
there are many steps to take.
Stick around; b'hatzlachah.

How ya doing bro? KOP and let us know how things are going. I personally find that posting and chatting with other gye members is key in my own journey towards recovery

shomer bro wrote:


I fell on 23 Kislev and I looked on some materials on the internet. That I was able to view around my filter. I am now one week without falling and hz"l and I am searching myself for my motivations to stay clean and to remind myself why I am doing this. Not only for shmiras einayim but also that my wife is pregnant B"H and I want to be good father. I want to be a good man and husband. When my last time I fall I looked at myself "What I'm doing??" "Would this be something I would show my wife?" "Would I show my Rebbe?" I said enough! I can not do this anymore. I have been very good to hide from my family but how long until caught? I do not want to live anymore sneaking to hz"l and giving in to my sick thoughts. Reading the daily emails and reading Torah chizuk in Beis Hamedrash, Tehilim helps me to feel closer with HaShem and the lust and acting out holds less power over me. It is not very easy for me to be open and discuss my struggles here on GYE . Because I never have told anyone this thoughts I am having and my struggles with SSA.

and a freilichen chanukah!

Thank you for your honesty! You are giving me chizuk. Hatzlacha!

wow! i love your honesty. i too have ssa, i am 19 yrs old and a yeshiva bochur (you may be a yungerman though). i really resonate with your post about your rebbi, i have had many a crush on men who are older then me, also many were rebbeim (or rabbis in my neighborhood).
i feel inspired by your post and the fact that you don't seem depressed by the fact that you have ssa, i had to work sooooooooooooooooo hard to get to that point and you seem to be there. AMAZING! reaching out to others is a really important step in recovery.
also you should know there is a lot of help out there for us guys... email me at iam24zman@gmail.com for more details. i personally have made a lot of progress in the ssa realm thanks to many great people.

YTC! (yes tou can)

I thought that once I am married the SSA will go away.
Me 2! did not happen. only got worse. Hashem Yerahchem on all of us!