Shalom everyone,

I just joined the website. It seems lik an incredible project. Finally i feel comfortable to share my experience.

I have a huge problem. The moment I find myself alone, I can't defeat my yezer hara and start watching things I am not suppose to.

Any advice how to deal with it?

Thanks!

Welcome,

The oilam is here for you.

b'hatzlachah

Welcome to GYE. You have taken a step in the right direction!

I struggle with that too. Being alone with an unfiltered laptop is the surefire recipe for falling. Solution? Stay occupied with constructive activities, make sure your laptop or smartphone is filtered/ accountability software, and if it's not then make sure your are not alone with said device. The point here is to make sure you don't step too close to the edge of the cliff, because when you do it can be too easy to fall off.

Welcome!

you have come to the right place, hang around read the threads, learn what works for you, find out what you want from yourself how strong is your commitment do you really want to stop this behavior, most of all take one day at a time.

Whishing you a great journey to a new life.

(I would change that name you chose, very pessimistic!)

Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

WELCOME! Read the handbook. Check out some of the links in my signature. open up. Keep posting!

belmont4175 wrote:

Welcome!

I agree with most of what Belmont wrote. However, I understand why you chose this screen name - being trapped in an endless cycle of lusting and acting out is indeed Gehinom, whereas staying clean is like inhaling the fresh aroma of Gan Eden.

My guess is that you've had enough Gehinom, but are you ready to do whatever it takes to become clean and stay clean?

I completely agree with everything you wrote here. It's truly a gehinom going through this. I've been struggling with this enough time. I can't do it anymore, but most importantly I do t want to. I wanna be a better husband I wanna be a better father and I want to be a better person. I have the right motivation. The only question how do I get there?
I didn't share this with anyone it's always been my secret!

I understand I need a filter! Which would you suggest. I had k9 it wasn't so successful, I always found ways to get through it. Webchaver sounds very attractive, but who would I trust the information. Of course I want it to be my wife but what if I fall and she sees it?!?!? I don't want her to get hurt!

What would you suggest?

Thanks for all your help! I really appreciate it!

Welcome. we are here with you. And for you.

a filter is a good start but then we need to figure out what is triggering us. And re-aline our insides, our feelings so that we don't use this shmutz as our escape.

Hey Gehinom,
I could have written the same post as you because I am exactly the same way. I plan to work together with you and the rest of my friends to use this nisayon to get me into Gan Eden. On GYE I have learnt that this struggle was given to me from HKBH because he loves me and he wants to see me succeed.
I will not let him down. No matter how many times I fall, I will continue to work and learn from GYE until I can overcome this nisayon..together with you.

if your wife doesn't know yet, I'd advise givin' someone else the password.

that bein' said, filters aren't the only thin' you should be explorin'.

b'hatzlachah

gehinom wrote:
One thing I can say for sure, the road to recovery requires sharing it with other safe people. GYE is a good place to begin to do that.

As long as I tried to fix my problems myself, I never got better. Once I began sharing here (and then on the phone with some friends I made here, and even met a few of them in person), my recovery took off in a way that it did not for over twenty years of trying by myself.

It is uncomfortable at first, but if you can't do it alone (as I can't), there is no other choice. It's the best choice I ever made.

Hatzlacha Rabbah!

gehinom wrote:


For me looking at inappropriate stuff was just the tip of the iceberg. The most glaring part of a much more pervasive problem of lusting. Lusting with my eyes and mind all day. Porn and the inevitable accompanying masturbation was just a way to get the maximum high from a buildup of tension, give me a brief reprieve. Only the cycle would always repeat: check out women all day, fantasize all the time, can't take it anymore, look at porn, release, breathe, start over.

The place to intercept the cycle is not at the computer. A filter will not cure the disease. Only abstinence from lust will. This means not taking hits of lust anywhere. Not checking out women, be they live or in pictures. Not their bodies and not their faces. Not even our own wife if it's just for a quick, selfish thrill. Bulletproof shmiras eynayim will go a long way to cool the fire of lust.

Get back into life. Be that good father you want to be. Hug your kids often. Read to them. Pat them on the back. Compliment your wife without expecting anything in return. Leave her a love note.

Giving up lust is a huge step. It's actually a series of steps. But it starts with ironclad commitment. Which starts with realizing we're powerless over it and it's destroying our lives. We cannot and will not live this way anymore.

Even without our preferred escape route,
real life,
with all it's trials, troubles, stress,
boredom, lack of fulfillment or whatever,
is where it's at.

Get back into life. Be that good father you want to be...... Hug your kids often. Read we're . We cannot and will not live this way anymore.
Gevaldig!
me 2-powerless over it and it's destroying ....