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TOPIC: Help! 1280 Views

Help! 05 Dec 2014 05:47 #244683

  • gehinom
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Shalom everyone,

I just joined the website. It seems lik an incredible project. Finally i feel comfortable to share my experience.

I have a huge problem. The moment I find myself alone, I can't defeat my yezer hara and start watching things I am not suppose to.

Any advice how to deal with it?

Thanks!

Re: Help! 05 Dec 2014 07:36 #244685

  • cordnoy
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Welcome,

The oilam is here for you.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1Page 2Page 3Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Help! 05 Dec 2014 08:42 #244686

  • serenity
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Welcome to GYE. You have taken a step in the right direction!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Help! 05 Dec 2014 20:53 #244716

  • shomer bro
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I struggle with that too. Being alone with an unfiltered laptop is the surefire recipe for falling. Solution? Stay occupied with constructive activities, make sure your laptop or smartphone is filtered/ accountability software, and if it's not then make sure your are not alone with said device. The point here is to make sure you don't step too close to the edge of the cliff, because when you do it can be too easy to fall off.

Re: Help! 05 Dec 2014 21:31 #244718

  • belmont4175
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Welcome!

you have come to the right place, hang around read the threads, learn what works for you, find out what you want from yourself how strong is your commitment do you really want to stop this behavior, most of all take one day at a time.

Whishing you a great journey to a new life.

(I would change that name you chose, very pessimistic!)
הסיבה שיש דברים קשים העוברים עליך היא בגלל שהאדם חושב כי "אני עומד" שהוא מנהל הכל,
ברגע שיתן הכנעה כי השי"ת מנהיג הכל אז כבר אפשר להתמודד עם הקשיים. שמעתי מאדם גדול

If life is a LEMON make LEMONADE

Thank You Hashem for every moment of Sobriety!

Re: Help! 05 Dec 2014 21:42 #244719

  • reallygettingthere
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Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi
Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up!

No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie

The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards

Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: Help! 05 Dec 2014 23:07 #244724

  • gibbor120
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WELCOME! Read the handbook. Check out some of the links in my signature. open up. Keep posting!

Re: Help! 05 Dec 2014 23:21 #244728

  • kedusha
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belmont4175 wrote:
Welcome!

you have come to the right place, hang around read the threads, learn what works for you, find out what you want from yourself how strong is your commitment do you really want to stop this behavior, most of all take one day at a time.

Wishing you a great journey to a new life.

(I would change that name you chose, very pessimistic!)

Welcome!

I agree with most of what Belmont wrote. However, I understand why you chose this screen name - being trapped in an endless cycle of lusting and acting out is indeed Gehinom, whereas staying clean is like inhaling the fresh aroma of Gan Eden.

My guess is that you've had enough Gehinom, but are you ready to do whatever it takes to become clean and stay clean?
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: 05 Dec 2014 23:24 by kedusha.

Re: Help! 06 Dec 2014 02:14 #244733

  • gehinom
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I completely agree with everything you wrote here. It's truly a gehinom going through this. I've been struggling with this enough time. I can't do it anymore, but most importantly I do t want to. I wanna be a better husband I wanna be a better father and I want to be a better person. I have the right motivation. The only question how do I get there?
I didn't share this with anyone it's always been my secret!

I understand I need a filter! Which would you suggest. I had k9 it wasn't so successful, I always found ways to get through it. Webchaver sounds very attractive, but who would I trust the information. Of course I want it to be my wife but what if I fall and she sees it?!?!? I don't want her to get hurt!

What would you suggest?

Thanks for all your help! I really appreciate it!

Re: Help! 06 Dec 2014 03:19 #244734

  • ted
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Welcome. we are here with you. And for you.

a filter is a good start but then we need to figure out what is triggering us. And re-aline our insides, our feelings so that we don't use this shmutz as our escape.

Re: Help! 08 Dec 2014 04:01 #244787

Hey Gehinom,
I could have written the same post as you because I am exactly the same way. I plan to work together with you and the rest of my friends to use this nisayon to get me into Gan Eden. On GYE I have learnt that this struggle was given to me from HKBH because he loves me and he wants to see me succeed.
I will not let him down. No matter how many times I fall, I will continue to work and learn from GYE until I can overcome this nisayon..together with you.

Re: Help! 08 Dec 2014 04:05 #244788

  • cordnoy
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if your wife doesn't know yet, I'd advise givin' someone else the password.

that bein' said, filters aren't the only thin' you should be explorin'.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1Page 2Page 3Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Help! 08 Dec 2014 22:01 #244836

  • gibbor120
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gehinom wrote:
I have the right motivation. The only question how do I get there?

I didn't share this with anyone it's always been my secret!
One thing I can say for sure, the road to recovery requires sharing it with other safe people. GYE is a good place to begin to do that.

As long as I tried to fix my problems myself, I never got better. Once I began sharing here (and then on the phone with some friends I made here, and even met a few of them in person), my recovery took off in a way that it did not for over twenty years of trying by myself.

It is uncomfortable at first, but if you can't do it alone (as I can't), there is no other choice. It's the best choice I ever made.

Hatzlacha Rabbah!

Re: Help! 10 Dec 2014 00:56 #244924

  • AlexEliezer
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gehinom wrote:
Shalom everyone,
I have a huge problem. The moment I find myself alone, I can't defeat my yezer hara and start watching things I am not suppose to.


For me looking at inappropriate stuff was just the tip of the iceberg. The most glaring part of a much more pervasive problem of lusting. Lusting with my eyes and mind all day. Porn and the inevitable accompanying masturbation was just a way to get the maximum high from a buildup of tension, give me a brief reprieve. Only the cycle would always repeat: check out women all day, fantasize all the time, can't take it anymore, look at porn, release, breathe, start over.

The place to intercept the cycle is not at the computer. A filter will not cure the disease. Only abstinence from lust will. This means not taking hits of lust anywhere. Not checking out women, be they live or in pictures. Not their bodies and not their faces. Not even our own wife if it's just for a quick, selfish thrill. Bulletproof shmiras eynayim will go a long way to cool the fire of lust.

Get back into life. Be that good father you want to be. Hug your kids often. Read to them. Pat them on the back. Compliment your wife without expecting anything in return. Leave her a love note.

Giving up lust is a huge step. It's actually a series of steps. But it starts with ironclad commitment. Which starts with realizing we're powerless over it and it's destroying our lives. We cannot and will not live this way anymore.

Even without our preferred escape route,
real life,
with all it's trials, troubles, stress,
boredom, lack of fulfillment or whatever,
is where it's at.

Re: Help! 25 Dec 2014 02:19 #245704



Get back into life. Be that good father you want to be...... Hug your kids often. Read we're . We cannot and will not live this way anymore.

Gevaldig!
me 2-powerless over it and it's destroying ....
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