So last night was a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. My mother hasn't been feeling well over the past 3 days, and she really needed to go to the hospital. For whatever reason, my father refused to let her go. But last night I reached a breaking point. I saw my mother sitting at the table, struggling to breath. She looked like she was in so much pain. I couldn't handle seeing her like that. I reached out to my family via our WhatsApp group and I begged someone to come over. My brother said he was going to come and before he came I burst in to tears. It was very hard for me to see my mother like that. I also was trying to listen to my HP's guidance because I didn't want to be manipulative but at the same time something needed to be done. When my brother arrived I pleaded with my parents to send my mother to the hospital. I was crying as this happened, which is a big step for me because it's hard for me to be vulnerable in front of others, especially family. My father wasn't exactly happy with me but he agreed for a Hatzalah member to check her out. At that point the battle was half over because I knew once he came it was only a matter of time before she went to the hospital.

However, things kinda got worse. My mother was apparently in much worse shape than we thought. They hooked her up to oxygen and an IV. She even needed a special medicine just so she would be stable enough to go into the ambulance because they weren't sure she would make it safely without the medicine. That was really hard for me to hear. I was with my sister-in-law and I began crying. I was so scared at that moment. I just began saying Tehillim and I tried to focus on accepting God's will for whatever it was. Thank God she is doing much better now and she's stable in the hospital. She's going to be there for another day at least while they run tests to see what is wrong.

Why am I sharing all of this? Because there are some things that I find very important in this story. Firstly, I am so grateful that I'm sober. If I wasn't sober I wouldn't have been able to connect to my emotions and that is what ultimately convinced my father. I would have just been angry or pissed off and that definitely wouldn't have worked. I'm also grateful that I took a risk by being vulnerable in front of others, and that I was even able to do that in the first place. While I don't want this to happen ever again, as last night was quite scary, I have never felt more a part of the family than last night. My family was congratulating me for convincing my father when they have been trying for 3 days already. I felt very validated and supported by them. I'm the youngest and because of my addiction I haven't been the most mature and sane member of the family. Slowly but surely I am being let back in more.

I'm also grateful that I wasn't alone last night and I was able to share what happened with others and make calls to other fellows. God was with me and I was able to connect with him. They say that God is the "Gift Of Desperation" and I sure as hell felt that way when I was saying tehillim last night.

She should have a Refuah Sheleima Bekorov.

As painful and scary as this whole thing must have been, it's awesome that you were able to see how good things can come from even the most stressful situations. May the progress continue.

May God give everyone what they need.

Gosh Shlomo. That's proper pikuach nefesh. You saved a whole world.
And perhaps you wouldn't have had such balls had you not opted for a program of recovery.
Which you wouldn't have done if you didn't have your disease.

Refuah before the Machalah? 

Also, why did you dad refuse her to go? Are there some control/dominance issues running about?

Singularity wrote on 03 Jan 2017 09:08:

Yes.

I reached 90 days. Yay!

Shlomo24 wrote on 05 Feb 2017 19:14:


As my friend Shlomo would say "90 times 1 day."
Iy"H many more.
Hatzlacha.

Wow amazing Shlomo
Inspirational!

Also, I haven't been so active on the forums because A) Life (I have a very busy schedule) B ) I am working my 4th step right now and I don't feel in a secure enough state to respond on the forum for many items. A lot of times I want to respond, but it's because I get a feeling of resentment. For now, I am just letting go and not getting involved in the conversations in the first place. Also, I'm going through a time period where it's very hard to hear the shares of newcomers. I tend to get angry and feel like I have all the answers. So maybe when things settle down I'll be more active, but not right now. Although, I do love the "Daily Quote" section. I think I check it every day. Very nice and not very political. (Speaking of which, I only read sports news now because the political climate is so volatile and it feeds my resentments and anger. And I'm a Republican even).

Totally relate to the getting angry at the shares of newcomers. It's very hard sometimes. 

Shlomo24 wrote on 05 Feb 2017 22:17:

Go Cubs!

Shlomo24 wrote on 05 Feb 2017 19:14:

Mazel tov! Super inspiration for all of us.  Just curious Why don't you update the days so everyone can see another successful guy who made it? It really helps the rest of us

Hashem Help Me wrote on 06 Feb 2017 03:52:

That's a legitimate question. I do like to help others, but not at the cost of myself. I used to display my day count, and it became all about the days, not about quality. I don't want to go back there. I have internalized the concept of ODAAT and I therefore keep it at 1 day. Also, I have not "made it," I'm very far from that. Very far. 

Additionally, I think I can help people with only displaying 1 day. It shows others the concept of ODAAT. Also, sometimes people will evaluate a post based on the amount of days the poster has. But I removed that luxury from myself and now people have to objectively evaluate what I'm saying, which I like. My sobriety should be evident even without my day count. Which I think is true for the most part.

Shlomo24 wrote on 06 Feb 2017 04:13:

Beautiful sentiment.

But I'd rather hear advice from someone with a little more than one days' recovery.

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Shlomo24 wrote on 06 Feb 2017 04:13:

I understand but now that you hit 90 bli ayin hora i would reconsider. "Im koton ata b'einecha, rosh ata lanu..."