Recovery on all fronts should be with hatzlachah.

What has your sponsor said?

He said we will deal with Purim when Purim comes. That's it. He didn't say anything else. I'm going to put this in the "box" for later but I do plan on asking my sponsor for more of an opinion. I'm making no decisions as of now to work an AA program, but I might stop drinking alcohol if my sponsor thinks that would make sense. I will also be describing myself as a potential alcoholic until I get more clarity. Right now priority #1 is to work my SA program. If abstaining from alcohol is part of that program then I will. This is a really long answer.

So I just spoke with my sponsor. He said I should speak with other recovering alcoholics and listen to their experience, which I have started doing. He also said I don't need the label of alcoholic to make a rational decision to abstain from alcohol for now, which I have decided to do. That helped because I don't know if I'm an alcoholic but I do think it's a good idea for me to avoid drinking. And he said to pray just like I do with everything else.

I want to publicly thank my Higher Power for helping me so much along my path and with my recovery. I just received a voice note from a new friend of mine: He basically said that he thinks I'm one of the nicest, normal guys in our college. He said that he didn't find that a lot of other guys were like that but I am and he said that I'm always helping people and I should "keep it up."

After listening to that I had tears in my eyes. That is a huge miracle that someone told me that. There's no way that happens if I'm left to my own devices. I have been wanting something like that to happen for a my whole life. And with God's grace it has happened. This one is particularly acute because this friend has no idea that I'm in any program and he only knows me as a friend. Not to sound stuck-up, but at this point I'm used to people being attracted to me from a program basis and complimenting me on that. But in my social life that doesn't happen too often. Additionally, this guy is a popular and cool guy. I always had issues with those kind of guys in my past. I desperately wanted to be friends with them and I never knew the first thing of what to do. I always had a lot of friends, but they weren't "cool" so I felt inadequate (yes, I was an immature little kid in high school). So this means a lot to me.

Also, I'm on my journey in discovering my alcoholism or lack thereof (Spoiler: AA is for me), and I'm grateful that I have so many tools and resources from which to glean from. I could be in a totally different situation right now. Today I spoke with a guy who is sober for 20 years whom I met once. And I didn't even feel fear when calling him. That's another miracle of my recovery. I'm also able to honestly assess my character and connect to God and others on a daily basis. I could go on and on but I got a meeting at 6am tomorrow...

I had an interesting thought today: For those who are ADDICTED to lust, lust is not a yetzer hara. I used to think it was, and then I got over that. But then I was thinking that maybe I really do believe  that it's just a desire that isn't used properly, much like a yetzer hara. I realized, however, that it's not a misplaced desire, it's a disease. The latest research points to the disease aspect of addiction, how there are genetic components and other factors that make it a disease. With the acceptance that it's a disease, or even without the acceptance, as it's a reality whether one wants to accept it or not, then this isn't a yetzer hara. It would be like calling cancer or Alzheimers or diabetes a yetzer hara. If you want to get psychological, it would be like calling Schizophrenia or Bipolar Disorder a yetzer hara. This helps me realize that I'm not a bad person, I don't have a choice when it comes to lust. I have a disease that craves lust. So if I slip it's not a moral failing of mine, it's just a harsh reality.

I capitalized addiction before because for a non-addict this might just be a yetzer hara, and the treatment and ramifications are much different.

I don't usually like to debate this stuff because it is not usually very productive.  I'll just say that I view it kind of like diabetes.  It is a disease, but a person can do things that make it more likely for him to get it.  Diet, exercise (or lack thereof) etc.  So perhaps, at the end of the day, he has lost control, must have a certain diet, check blood sugar, etc.  But, he was not totally blameless. (I realize that this is only one type of diabetes)

Now, I'm not advocating feeling guilty.  I actually think that is counter-productive.  What was - was, and we have to deal with the new reality.  The word "disease" just rubs me the wrong way, because it implies something that just "happens" to us.  Not something we choose.

I realize as well, that many of us did not "choose" this in the classical sense.  We were either young, didn't know any better, followed bad friends, were abused, or suffered other emotional trauma etc.  We did this at a young age where perhaps we did not have full bechira.  Again, I'm not saying we should all feel guilty and at fault.  I just don't like comparing it to other diseases that we really have no control (or very little control) over.

If a guy smokes and gets lung cancer.  We don't say, nebach he got a disease.  We understand that happens when you smoke.  When a person acts out, watches porn etc. it changes his brain - of course.  And then it is much harder (sometimes nearly impossible) to stop - yes.  But saying it is a disease, makes it sound like catching a cold or having allergies. 

I will say that some people can watch porn, act out, etc and not get addicted and some do get addicted.  That may be due to genetics, environment, etc.  But some people smoke until age 95, and never get lung cancer.  I still would not recommend it.

I hope I was clear and didn't ruffle too many feathers.  That is just the way I see it.

Only my former avatar could get its feathers ruffled.

In all seriousness, I'm on the same page as you, gibbor. No chinks in the armor.

gibbor120 wrote on 27 Dec 2016 18:43:

Hey Y'all!

Was just reading this and wanted to chirp in. Thanks for the post-

I recently heard a talk from an addictions counselor and he called it a "disease of choice". Both because it was often the person's ill guided choices that got him (or her) into the situation in the first place (as you mentioned), and because technically it is the person choice to stay in the addictive process by continuing to engage in the addictive behavior. The disease part had to do with brain changes as you said, which, in part, mess with decision making abilities. Maybe it's kind of like the way we understand that kids don't have the capacity for delayed gratification because that part of their brain has not yet developed.

I had a funny moment in my head during the talk.  The presenter put up these pictures of basically "This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs".  He was showing brain scans, but all I could think about was a cracked egg on a frying pan.  

He must be on drugs; who eats such a skimpy portion of bacon?

Hey, i thought this was a frum site??

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 29 Dec 2016 04:08:

He is tryin' to get over his bakin' addiction.

Is that why i can't find a doughnut anywhere?

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 29 Dec 2016 04:19:

How many times did you frequent the coffee room today?