serenity wrote:


Sleeping has been a lifelong struggle for me and not sleeping definitely makes everything else much harder.

shlomo613 wrote:


I appreciate that. Esteem has been something I've been working on for years and B"H it's miles better than it used to be, but dating and rejection definitely makes that tougher...

Trying to keep up posting with relative frequency to make sure I am engaged.

The last few days have been pretty difficult. It's been a tremendous struggle getting to sleep (and staying asleep) and I've been feeling sick for the last couple of weeks. Combine that with the regular day-to-day challenges and it's been pretty rough.

B"H it feels like the overall changes that have been a work in progress over the last years have been in a better place mentally, but I know that these issues have often been the backdrop for falling in the past. Bez"H going to redouble my efforts to make sure not to get anywhere close to triggers.

I feel for you man. It may be worth seeing a doctor about the sleeping difficulties. It could be because of something.
I wonder whether a mindfulness programme would work for you at this stage in your life. There's a brilliant book/scheme I've used that was bit-sized and practical and really did wonders for me. I can give you the name if you're interested. It's highly respected and the gold standard in the field.

shlomo613 wrote:


Thanks for reading and responding (and caring.)

I've been to doctors and done sleep studies in the past. I've been prescribed all sorts of sleep medicine and nothing has helped. I do plan on trying to see a doctor again because it's been a few years, so who knows. The whole thing is so incredibly frustrating as so many days I'm exhausted, not feeling well etc. and it makes planning things and just accomplishing extremely difficult.

I've studied some mindfulness, read a number of books, tried hypnosis etc. and it's definitely had a positive impact on my life albeit not much help with sleeping, but I'd definitely be interested in hearing.

Thanks!

When I make my way to my book shelf I will look up the name again.
You know, when I suffered from sleeping problems aged 18 it eventually proved to be because of depression. Just thought I'd mention it. Is yours an age thing, like many people have in their fifties and sixties (sorry that I have no idea your age).
Another completely different thought: my mastarbation time was invariably first thing in the morning. Now I wake up early on a mission to do hisboidedus. What's that got to do with you, you ask?
Well, I took that hole that was sucking in tumah and used it for the highest thing possible.
How about you use your wakefulness period slot for hisboidedus/cheshbon hanefesh/mindfulness/mental detox.
Maybe if you can't sleep, you're kind of being given a message that you're supposed to be doing something then.
I just did a calculation that my hour hisboidedus a day works out to 26 days holiday a year!
How so? Well I do a bit less than 365 hours of hisboidedus a year. If you say that we are awake for 16 hours a day, then 365/16=26.
I actually feel that the hour a day is a holiday (but in truth not just that hour, because it lifts the whole day), a time out from this world, a time to centre myself and clarify what I really want, and ask for it, to examine where my blockages in my relationship with the Creator are. It is the best part of my day and it is a source of endless rewards and joy and closeness to the Creator.
Maybe you can try to do this in just a very small slice of the time you can't sleep? Like all good things you're unlikely to feel the joy immediately but if you persevere for about 7 times (15 minutes each) and ask Gd to give you a taste for the joy of it you're likely to feel something.
Begin with baby steps. Just 15 minutes. Just tell the Creator what's on your mind, what pains you, what you find impossible, and ask Him for help. Simple as that.
(You can extend it further than that, but that's essentially what it is, and certainly a great start.)
I've suggested this to a number of people who have trouble sleeping, nobody's taken it up, but maybe you will... Anyway, either way hatzlacha my friend with your sleep and energy and sobriety and sanity.
Shlomo

shlomo613 wrote:


Thanks for the response. As far as my age, I'm "in Shidduchim" as they say. Not quite 50's or 60's I'm in my 20's. I've always had trouble sleeping, I can recall since I was a young child.

I like your idea. I've had people tell me my whole life I should just learn then if I'm up. The problem is that I would completely exhausted (and sometimes get sick from exhaustion) and still not able to sleep at night! I've tried meditation and things like that at night, but recently moved away from that. I think I will try some Hisbodedus and see how it goes. I know talking to Hashem a little more can never hurt.

Been trying to stop by the site at least once a day for a "daily dose of Chizuk" and trying to spend some time reading others threads and empathizing. B"H it seems to be a help keeping me grounded and helping me out, especially as it's been a massive struggle to sleep.

I really appreciate the Chevra here!

Have you tried music to relax you?

gibbor120 wrote:


I often listen to music and also play guitar. I love it, and it definitely helps me relax, but even relaxed it doesn't help me sleep (it doesn't hurt when I'm stressed, but I my insomnia is equal opportunity and is there when I'm relaxed or stressed, happy or upset.)

Gotta keep trying though. Thanks!

Working to make sure that I continue to post, and to stay engaged. I know I have to be a more careful. It's the summer so while I'm blessed to be able to live and work in an area that can avoid much of the provocation that summer brings, it seems like pictures are all over the place.

Also still struggling with sleep. I've been lazy about it (since life gets so busy) but I think I really have to dedicate the time (and money potentially) to do more to see if I can find a solution to the sleeping.

I hope everyone is doing well!

Been thinking a little about this site and the journeys that people are on (including myself) and had something thoughts:

1) It is humbling to think about the effort that people put in to trying to regain control before they get started here. Stories of people getting rid of smart phones, Davening, fasting, going to the Mikveh etc. The amount of time, money and effort we have invested despite failure after failure is remarkable.

A few thoughts on this:
A) Knowing that this is the case is a powerful reminder never to judge anyone. I doubt most successful people ever tried nearly as hard as the "failures" who come here. How can one look down at a person who pours his heart out to Hakadosh Baruch Hu to help him overcome his struggles. How can one look down at someone who will fast, take on extra Sedorim, avoid certain people and places to avoid temptation.

We are here in the 3 weeks; a time when we mourn the Churban. For many, mourning the loss of the Beis Hamikdash is hard. But I think the people here maybe more than most can mourn for the loss of a world without the immodesty. A world lead by leaders who are Tzadikim. A world where our recognition of Hashem and our place and responsibility as the Am HaNivchar means that we stand tall and proud and live fulfilled lives where we do not feel the need to get a lust fix.

C) Following up on the previous idea, I don't know what it is Hashem is looking for to bring the Geulah, but in today's generation, when the world is pushing so hard towards constant movement, instant pleasures etc. the community here, who engages in support for each other, in introspection, in working to develop self-control and take our lives back, or better, to give ourselves over to Hashem. I have to imagine He's looking down and smiling. This is a community whose membership card I may never announce to the world (although sometimes I wish I could since it seems like we all have to hide our struggles instead of going out and saying "it's ok to struggle; let's struggle together" ) but it's a place I am very proud to be a part of.

Hatzileini Na wrote:


I think about the money and time invested into failing again and again.

Hatzileini Na -a masterful post that is so on the mark.

Here we see:
- a true mesiras nefesh to improve.
- great efforts put forth to help and support others.

so proud we are to be a part of, yet to advertise membership could cause needless grief.

[quote="cordnoy" post=259369]Hatzileini Na wrote:



cordnoy just the other day an old chosheve yid said: "we are in the business of effort,

Hashem is in the business of results"


My friend, you run a fine business

Stopping by, reading some of the posts from others and thinking back to times when I was in school and/or working in a large city and am very thankful I no longer do B"H. Really happy with the way things have been recently, despite still struggling with sleep. I know that yesterday's success does not mean there won't be a battle today, but working on continued growth and praying for Hashem to help all of us in our journeys.