thanks for the welcome..yes I am. wife doesent know anything.. I do speak to my rav tho

Hi Dovi!

Your story sounds eerily similar to mine. I was 12 when i saw that first image on the computer and have went through the gamut of the associated challenges since then. I recently got married to the most amazing girl and for the first few months the challenges finally subsided and I felt like the happiest man in the world. And then came the first slip. O the feelings of guilt. They bogged me down for days. I've been pretty much clean since then but the devil rears its ugly head every now and then. Its tough. I had always thought that marriage would be my cure, but the reality is different. This is a life long struggle that one can only come to the final realization that it is what life is worth living for.

Shvisi- I'm sorry but I disagree with you and your philosophical dissertation. Dovi, it is NOT you who has been acting out and sitting in front of that screen! You are the person who is an amazing loyal husband, an eved Hashem, a ben aliya, and a purely good person. The person in front of that screen is the work of the Satan to try to confuse you and to impede on your path of growth. Yes you have to work on distancing and ultimately vanquishing that yetzer hora, but the real you is not him!!

May I ask what the practical nafkah minah is?

On the one hand, it is important to have self-respect and not think of yourself as low. But, we must also face reality. It is not the satan sitting in front of the screen. It is you. Without accepting that fact, it is difficult to recover. It just promotes living the double life. I am good. It's this other "thing" doing those despicible acts. Until we accept that it is ME, we are not facing reality. We are mightily trying to stay in fantasyland. Fantasyland is not a good place for recovery.

Check out the Captain Kirk post by clicking the "dov quotes" link in my signature. It's the first post (or nearly the first).

Accepting the ugly facts is the first step to recovery.

And like it was written about on page 1 of this thread and other threads, it is a crucial part of recovery realizin' that it is us who do these things; this is called acceptance; blamin' others or outside influences will (most of the time) not help one with recovery. We all have who to blame. Playin' the blame game will accomplish just that....playin' a game. Wanna recover? Take responsibility and focus on fixin' the 'me.'

b'hatzlachah

Losasuru, not sure if you have opened up your own thread but you should to tell us about yourself. WELCOME!

The practical nafka mina is that saying that you are a impure bad person only brings down your spirits and just spurs you into an endless cycle of iniquity. From personal experience I can say that if you don't differentiate and place yourself on a higher pedestal it leads to feelings of surrender and depression. Feelings like "if I'm that type of person then it's fine what I'm doing because this is who I am". "And I've done this before so its not a big deal if I do it again. After all I'm addicted".
Although of course you are the one who is responsible for your actions and only you can put an end to your misery, one also must realize that you are inherently good and that the bad is just an aberration. A dirty fly that must be swatted away

I'm just telling you that from experience, facing my flaws helped me to accept myself as I am flaws and all.

I joined Dov's 12 step phone call and did a first step inventory. I wrote down my history of acting out, leaving nothing out. I then shared it with the group (i had to abridge it, but got in all the main points).

I felt as if a weight had been lifted from me. I did not feel low. I felt accepted, and I was able to accept myself.

That's just my experience.

and mine as well....not with a group, but with a professional.

Losasuru
Agreed. Despair, depression is not good for us. It is terrible. Who say's accepting that we are a sex addict should make us despair. Its ok to make mistakes. Ok. so I am a lust addict, whatever. Its not like i am yelling on the streets about it!

How are feelings of surrender leading to depression...unless ego is involved! Surrender is about bring Hashem into our lives and saying He controls the world. That is relieving for me not, depressing.

Agreed. I was referring to 'surrender' as in surrender to taaivos. Once you feel like the yetzer hora has control over you and you just keep spiraling down, it can be easy to start feeling despondent and depressed.

dms1234 wrote:


I opened a thread of mine about a year ago. Never really posted much though. Made a lot of progress since then with the help of G-d. Got married along the way as well. Still struggling but hanging in there!

You should reignite it!!!!!! KOP!