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TOPIC: Reclaiming my life 7824 Views

Re: Reclaiming my life 17 Aug 2014 19:23 #237522

  • cordnoy
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tzudreiter wrote:
first of all, thank you guys.
Second of all, to cordnoy although i respect them, i dont know how much they unserstand abot the nature of my problem. Basically, i dont know how much advice they will able to give me.
To pidaini i think the advantage of friends is that its more real, its people which know my backround and in general we speak the same language. In other words, its less "virtual".
Thanks again


When I wrote someone you trust, I was referrin' to some type of mentor person; not simply a friend.
And of course, fellow gye'ers, like Pidaini and Dov said, are real good to open up to.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

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Re: Reclaiming my life 17 Aug 2014 21:08 #237523

  • tzudreiter
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So should i rather wait till that the case. Or should I open up to someone although he's not the ideal.

Re: Reclaiming my life 17 Aug 2014 21:10 #237524

  • tzudreiter
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So should i rather wait till i feel comfortable with the guys here. Or should I open up to someone although he's not the ideal mentor.

Re: Reclaiming my life 18 Aug 2014 07:37 #237538

  • cordnoy
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there is no rush.
keep postin' here and see what develops.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Reclaiming my life 24 Aug 2014 02:02 #237786

  • Pidaini
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Yup, no rush.

But that only goes together with the second line....Keep on posting here!!

get to know people personally, if there's someone on the forum who you seem to relate to, send them a message, ask them if you can get to know them more.

Do something to get out of yourself and together with another person whom you can be totally honest with!!

and KOMT, of course!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Reclaiming my life 27 Aug 2014 23:20 #238109

  • tzudreiter
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upon the advice of several guys here (including the.guard), i opened up to someone trustworthy. although i had thought he understood more than he really did, i explained to him the story and he got it. it came in continuation to the summer, when he found pornography on the computer, he was sure it wasn't me (because how could i have done such a thing...), and had some suspicions on other guys. i felt terrible that he was suspecting others of my dirt. and aside i really felt like i needed to get it off my shoulders, it was always buried away eating at me, whenever around family, friends, or even talking to anyone, i always was self-conscious, anxious, and never fully comfortable. thinking "if they would only know...". so finally i got the courage to open up, it was about a two hour conversation. he was totally shocked... But the immediate affect was that i wasnt hiding anything anymore, and it was even weird at first, feeling comfortable talking to a friend with no shame or anxiety. and slowly i realized that i didnt feel the need for pornography as much, i didnt need the escape as much...
So i have a long road ahead of me, but this was for sure a huge step forward...
Thank you guys for the strength.

Re: Reclaiming my life 27 Aug 2014 23:23 #238110

  • cordnoy
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Thanks for the share!

May you go mi'chayil el chayil.

it is, perhaps, the single most important thing you can do.
like you said, there is ways to go, but it is a huge first step (and I will leave out the pic and the quote this time).

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Reclaiming my life 28 Aug 2014 02:11 #238138

  • Pidaini
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Great Job!!

And thank you so much for updating us!! It gives me another push to keep doing the things that need to be done when I see someone else who is doing it!!

As you wrote, it's not going to be fixed now, but now you have more tools that you can use (like in level games where you keep on getting new gadgets as you progress, here too, as we go along there are more and more tools we can use)

KUTGW!!

KOP!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Reclaiming my life 28 Aug 2014 04:01 #238139

  • tzudreiter
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one thing im still afraid of is, as i wrote earlier on that after some time clean i start feeling powerful as if i got it all under control, (as if i suffer from short term memory loss...), and then the rest is history, and i still have this tendency to sometimes check women out, although much less (in quantity and quality) then before.
Are there any specific steps i should be taking, aside for just learning to live without it day by day?

Re: Reclaiming my life 28 Aug 2014 05:48 #238143

  • TehillimZugger
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Just last week I was in a meeting with a big Talmid chacham about a Sefer we're publishing together and the conversation went to twelve steps and I admitted that I go to meetings and even showed him my three month chip, but couldn't bring myself it tell him the truth. He asked me: "dee bist ahn alcoholic?!" I said "hustee mich ahmool gezehn shikker?" He was forced to admit that no.


But I know that he's seen me lust-drunk many many times, he just didn't know it...

May Hashem grant us the courage to be honest and face our lives...
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Reclaiming my life 28 Aug 2014 07:50 #238153

  • cordnoy
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tzudreiter wrote:
one thing im still afraid of is, as i wrote earlier on that after some time clean i start feeling powerful as if i got it all under control, (as if i suffer from short term memory loss...), and then the rest is history, and i still have this tendency to sometimes check women out, although much less (in quantity and quality) then before.
Are there any specific steps i should be taking, aside for just learning to live without it day by day?


Keep up the talkin' to that person.
keep up the white book readin'.
Never, ever get complacent....it will come back at you like a dark horse.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Reclaiming my life 28 Aug 2014 20:19 #238191

  • gibbor120
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Wow, you took a giant step forward. Keep working.

Re: Reclaiming my life 29 Aug 2014 03:47 #238247

  • tzudreiter
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SOS
i am feeling quite restless right now. i'm not sure what about, but from experience, it always means trouble, cause' i passionately go to the escape route... i don't think i ever made it out of a "R.I.D attack" clean. i cant afford a fall...
What to do?

Re: Reclaiming my life 29 Aug 2014 06:43 #238255

  • cordnoy
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Do you have who to reach out to?
Are you still in S.O.S. mode?

you have my email I believe...if you need.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Reclaiming my life 29 Aug 2014 08:42 #238260

  • tzudreiter
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Thanks Cordnoy. by the time i saw your post I've already calmed down.
I downloaded the tapes of Joe & Charlie and listened to them for over an hour. aside for being quite funny, they really relaxed me. Beautiful insights, and besides, just hearing people talking about "me" with all my "Tzudreit-ness", yet laughing while they're at it, somehow loosens the mood...
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