What are you hoping will work? What are you doing that should work?

Also, there is great benefit to keeping dry while trying to work on the core problem as well. Being clean gives the mind a little bit of it's own space to think clearer. So use all the tools you have, both TaPHSiK, and the other things that you are starting.

mr.clean wrote:


don't hope
Don't cross your fingers
Don't think about two weeks

Instead, read what Pidiani wrote....make the right decision right now...that's all that's needed...it's really very simple...the decision is right now...for now...nothin' else.

b'hatzlachah

I wouldn't say it's because I love and respect my wife so much. It's more self-preservation . I do love and respect her, but that didn't stop me the first 12 years of marriage .

It's a combination. Taphsic can help, but it's not THE answer. There are many elements to staying clean.

Some are preventative, like using filters and other methods of avoiding triggers.

Some are external motivations, like not upsetting wife, not breaking taphsic. And somtimes it's a little white knuckling (which I still do sometimes).

Then there are times when we are clean because our life is full. We are busy with work, learning, familly, friends... and we just don't even think about acting out much if at all. They are all elements.

If I spend most of my time white knuckling, I will fall after a short while. It's only a last resort. The more time we spend in recovery not even worrying about acting out, the better.

Use whatever tools work, but realize that some tools are a first choice, while others are a last resort. If you spend a lot of time on "the last resort" type, things will be very difficult.

One last thing, you are better off not crossing your fingers... make a Magen David with them instead.

Good stuff Gibbor!
Every single word in that post was precious!

b'hatzlachah