Hello,


Although I've gotten accountability software, got rid of my smartphone, read the GYE guide/pamphlet, and joined the 90-day journey, I'd like to be able to (1) find someone who can relate to my specific situation and (2) to know if I need to skip ahead to more addict-level help.

I'm a married w/children bt who had a strong porn taiva before becoming frum and lapsed after leaving yeshiva. In addition, I have had taivos for things that range from weird to really disturbing. I've ogled, fantasized acted out, and feel that I will probably find opportunities to act out worse if not helped/stopped.

Any ideas? Questions in reply?

Hello Spiritua Light,

You seem to have come a long way already. I don't think your weird and disturbing taivos make you different from most people here. It's a lust bomb exploding in your head. If you are really an addict then SA is the recommended way on this forum. Just stick around and don't go away.

Wow! Such a clear first post, seems like you'll be a valuable asset to this site.

As for evaluating what method is best for you, check out this page.

Welcome!!

Srick around, you'll for sure find the way that's right for you!!

hatzlacha

Welcome SL!

No, you're not unique at all. We all have had taivos for things that range from weird to really disturbing. We've ogled, fantasized, acted out, and worse. But the good news is that there is hope. As long as you strive for progress, not perfection, you can definitely find that here at GYE. Just read as many posts as you can and you will see how so many people's lives have become so much more manageable since joining GYE. I wish you the same hatzlacha.

MT

Welcome! You have done quite a bit already, but there is always more to be done. Have you considered joining one of the anonymous phone conferences? Have you told anyone (other than on this forum) about your problem?

Lust thrives in isolation. Talking to someone or to a group can be quite helpful.

We look forward to hearing more from you. Stick around!

I have not done a phone conference yet, or told anyone (actually) about the problem, although if my accountability partner/Rav would take a guess after seeing my visits to this site, he would think I was working on myself but not know the extent to which I've fallen. Members of my family are also aware that I acted out when I was a lot younger because of certain consequences of my actions.

SpirituaLight wrote:


That sounds like something that needs to be discussed with a person. Try finding a person to talk to. Someone who you trust.

Like Gibbor wrote, "Lust thrives in isolation."

Opening up was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

It might help you too.

Eli

As mentioned above, speaking it out to someone helped and helps me as well in an amazing way.

It may be difficult, but it is well worth the pain.

Hatzlacha!

I hear that. I'm not going to tell anyone I know. But perhaps I'll be able to find someone anonymously that would be able to understand.

There are lots of people here you can contact. If you think you might connect with someone, maybe send them a PM and then call them on the phone. Many people here can attest to the power of opening up to someone. The more real the better. Phone is better than forum. In person is better than phone. Many people progress from one to the next. They meet on the forum and PM. Then they talk on the phone, then they may even meet.

Welcome
the best advice was given already

talk it out with someone

choose your person wisely

you will feel a huge burden off your shoulders, and then you will be able to get to the next step

take it out of the closet

it should be b'hatzlachah

Welcome!

I too have taivos for weird and disturbing things. As the addiction progresses, we require ever newer and stranger things to get high from. It's all the same thing. It's just lust. No matter how weird, if we associate it with arousal, it's just lust. The more we keep away from the thoughts and sights, the easier it gets.

Hatzlocha in overcoming this and getting back fully into real life.

Alex