my dear dms , they are fine . the inyan of looking (lusting ) at them is garbage.


But no need to argue about that . i wrote what helps me . if thinking they are something good to look at , works for you . so be it . and i wish you lots of hatzlacha.

newaction wrote:

I don't mean to drag this out, but how is this at all different than eating ham? Eating ham is delicious, but wrong. Inappropriately dressed women are fun to look at, and also wrong. Nobody said looking at women is "good." It feels good. Just liking eating ham. (If you happen to like ham; I personally would prefer to taste some yummy seafood, but whatever floats your boat.)

i see your question . what i can say is this , i am not addicted to eating ham ( much less seafood , yuk ) but i used to run after every skirt. so i have to short circuit the basis of the original thought (idea ). but i respect others opinions.

I think i am having trouble reminding myself everyday of key things: i am powerless, i need help, i need to reach out, everything in life is for the best, Hashem loves me etc. I think if i review all of these everyday my day would improve as i would maintain a good focus throughout the day.

This of course includes speaking to Hashem. I think this is something i need to do more. Even for anything: Please Hashem, help me catch my bus! Please, Hashem, help me do my homework. Just little things like that.

Furthermore, i was recommended in december of last year to thank Hashem everyday for 3 things during one Modim a day. I have been doing it but it hasn't been as thoughtful as i would like SO i think i am going to try to come up with the list of 3 the night before, as i usually say it during shacharis. And hopefully i would write them down. Wouldn't that be amazing? I could look back next Rosh Hashana and my list would be over 1000 things i was grateful at Hashem for. INCREDIBLE!

Anyhow, life is good. I have done some slipping in various areas of life. No serious damage. But time to get back on the high horse. HERE WE GO!

Mind to share with us three things for today?

Mine would be:

1) Allowing me to remember that today is today, not yesterday and not all the days to come, and today I need to take but one small step, not all the steps of the future!!

2) Giving me the opportunity to spend quality time with Zlatah Yenta.

3) Showing me a most exquisite bird on the way to Beis Medrash yesterday (it wasn't an eagle). It was mamish amazing, it head and neck were brown and it had a crown or more like a mohawk. The most amazing thing is that it's wings were black and white striped when closed. when it opened them they were three or four white stripes running on the length of the wing for about halfway through, then a stripe at the end on it's width!! it had a long thin beak and was eating a worm!!!

Probably one of these:
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/hoopoe

Gevura Shebyesod wrote:


YESSSSS!!!!

Thank you so much!!!





How'd you find that?! I was looking through so many sites!!

I guess you can tell me in chat though, it's not nice to hijack this thread.

Anybody mention birds?

I will post my 3 things soon.

In the meantime, this shiur by Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky was posted a short while ago and i decided to listen to it: www.torahanytime.com/video/is-it-elul-already/

IF YOU ARE AN ADDICT, YOU MUST WATCH IT! So many core concepts like:
-its not too late to change
-Only concentrate on Today
-Regret gets us no where: only makes us feel worse about our situation
-Change takes time
-and much more!

Plus its funny! So you can laugh at yourself while he makes fun of you! (and himself too)

Looks like the mockingjay described in The Hunger Games book

The three things i was thankful for yesterday are:

1. Thank you Hashem that i have an incredible mother who, even though she has a very busy schedule, still has time to make dinner for me so i have proper nourishment

2. Thank you Hashem for Torahanytime. I have access to hundreds of Rabbis and thousands of shiurim where i can find inspiration, insight and even entertainment.

3. Thank you Hashem for this time period (Elul/R"H) where are supposed to improve ourselves to become better people.

Perhaps we should make an accountability group. Sounds like a meaningful thing to do.

PS. Cool bird!!!!! Some crazy birdies in EY! I hear there are also some crazy ones in the NY area too!

I have seen a bit of it around the forum but it's probably going through any addicts mind during this time: "I suck! Hashem doesn't love me, why can't I just stop? I don't want to act out anymore."

I am not even going to reply to any of the sentiments directly. Instead I am going to speak about the underlying issue or factor in the above statement.

Over the past year of being actively involved in GYE, I have noticed among myself and others, that a lot of us (maybe even all) struggle from being WAY too hard on ourselves. Am
I saying that lusting or acting out is ok? NO! Of course not.

But, we are really hard on ourselves. We constantly yell at ourselves (WHY DID I LOOK AT THAT GIRL?) and are disgusted at ourselves (I am a terrible human being).

This only leads to depression and despair. And what good does depression and despair do? That's right! It only makes it worse! We just feel terrible and act out even more.

Why are we so hard on ourselves?Because we want to be perfect NOW!

"Perfect"- we think we should be perfect. We shouldn't fall or slip. Nope. Basically we think we are God. We think we should be capable of perfection. This leads to arrogance and failure (because we are not perfect).

"NOW"-we want everything NOW! It's programmed into us because we have always yearned for immediate gratification. I want pleasure now! Everything had to wait before we could get our fix, and we needed it as quickly as possible. This is selfish and puts us in the centre of the world. It also reduces out patience. My theory is that this mindset carries over from our listing habits to our recovery: "I want to be clean NOW!"

In reality we can't be perfect NOW! Because we can't be perfect and sobriety just can't happen overnight.

So what do we do?
We have to accept that we are imperfect beings. We may fall and slip anywhere at anytime. We do make mistakes and that is fine. Humans make mistakes. It's natural.

Also recovery takes time: "progress not perfection." It takes work and time. We have been lusting for years!!! What makes you think we will recover in just a matter of days?

So let's all TAKE A DEEP BREATH and ask ourselves what can I do today for recovery? How can I be clean today or better yet this moment!

And for God's sake and ours, please give yourself a break! Relax! Accept you are not perfect and recovery takes time.

If we are so hard on ourselves, we will not be clean. We will just be depressed and keeping pounding our hearts and crying the same old tune, year after year.

Relax, Deep breath, Reach out, Smile

Is there any place where a post can be nominated for "post of the week/month or year"?

I'd like to nominate DMS and this last post of his. [Don't you just hate it when the next page starts after such a good post?]

dms1234 wrote:

I agree with cordnoy 100%, thats a great post keep them coming Dms1234567890!!!

Maybe we can even give him the post of the year as we're finishing up 5774!!!

KOP and big time please!!!

Hey DMS!
Even guard loved it!
check out today's chizuk email.....and ya' all; don't forget to donate!