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TOPIC: Dms1234's story 95062 Views

Re: Dms1234's story 03 Sep 2014 17:58 #238608

  • skeptical
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I think that it may work differently for different people.

I would look at it throughout the day and think to myself, "Gosh, I'm still just on day 30*! When's it going to be 31 already??" That wouldn't help me very much because it would make me focus on it every second that I'm on here (perhaps I shouldn't be online as often as I am, but that's another story). I would much rather look up the amount of days from time to time and see the larger increment.

But I can sort of see it from the other point of view as well. If my number is on every single post that I write, instead of hidden away on the 90 day chart, maybe it would help me make the right decision when I'm having a difficult time. After all, isolation is usually the culprit, right?

Could it be that part of our unease is due to the fear of accountability?


_____________________
*Not my real number
** and neither is 0
Last Edit: 03 Sep 2014 22:24 by skeptical.

Re: Dms1234's story 03 Sep 2014 21:36 #238670

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If it says under your name 18 days clean, maybe you'll think twice before dispensing advice to someone who is 88 days clean.
Maybe that's good, maybe not.
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Dms1234's story 04 Sep 2014 00:59 #238722

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i think it should be totally optional.
it can have a backlash esp, since it can cause inappropriate comments, like trying
to sympathize with someone, who you think fell, and really he's been clean longer than yourself.
also it may cause someone just to ignore the number and not restart, because he never asked for the option,
i hope this will be corrected soon by the staff.
i love you all

Re: Dms1234's story 04 Sep 2014 01:05 #238725

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everyone has the option to turn it off
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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Re: Dms1234's story 04 Sep 2014 06:19 #238763

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Thanks everyone I turned it off but i do see both sides (if it doesnt hinder one day at a time of course).

My therapist told me some great advice when a bad thought (lust, negative thought, even thoughts during davening) comes into my head. I should say "Ah! There goes my mind again!" and laugh it off. And then change the subject! Go on to something else!

Having thoughts happen even fantasies. We just have to brush them away and keep on going! Getting depressed over our thoughts will just make it worse! And then we will go down into a deep dark dungeon of..."Ah! There goes my mind again!"
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 
Last Edit: 04 Sep 2014 06:21 by dms1234.

Re: Dms1234's story 04 Sep 2014 08:54 #238773

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dms1234 wrote:
Thanks everyone I turned it off but i do see both sides (if it doesnt hinder one day at a time of course).

My therapist told me some great advice when a bad thought (lust, negative thought, even thoughts during davening) comes into my head. I should say "Ah! There goes my mind again!" and laugh it off. And then change the subject! Go on to something else!

Having thoughts happen even fantasies. We just have to brush them away and keep on going! Getting depressed over our thoughts will just make it worse! And then we will go down into a deep dark dungeon of..."Ah! There goes my mind again!"


about the mind, can't stop it, just redirect it. mind you, you have to kinda say," i don't mind, but would like to remind the mind to mind its businss
i love you all

Re: Dms1234's story 04 Sep 2014 10:10 #238777

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dms1234 wrote:
Thanks everyone I turned it off but i do see both sides (if it doesnt hinder one day at a time of course).

My therapist told me some great advice when a bad thought (lust, negative thought, even thoughts during davening) comes into my head. I should say "Ah! There goes my mind again!" and laugh it off. And then change the subject! Go on to something else!

Having thoughts happen even fantasies. We just have to brush them away and keep on going! Getting depressed over our thoughts will just make it worse! And then we will go down into a deep dark dungeon of..."Ah! There goes my mind again!"


WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Awesome stuff!!!!!

Funny, but that is only possible for me to even appreciate now that I've sort of given up on trying to control the thoughts because I need to stay clean, and if I want to stay clean then I need to surrender that control. Before that, my main focus was that I want clean thoughts, I don't want to be tempted, while I was there, I wouldn't have been happy with "Ah, there it goes again" What it looked like was "What?! Ho...Ho..How could this be happening again?! ARRGGHHHHHH!!!"

Thanks for that reminder!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Dms1234's story 04 Sep 2014 20:46 #238816

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This is what it means to get off the 18 wheeler and onto a trycycle. We have gaavah, so we think we should have clean thoughts all the time. If we don't, the we fight them with all our might. If we accept that we are normal and these thoughts will come, we can accept taht they came, and show them the door without too much fanfare, rather than struggling with them.

I saw something to this effect in a sefer. It basically said that we expect to be big tzaddikim, and therefore these thoughts bother us. If we could accept our true madreigqa (sorry dov), we wouldn't get so bent out of shape, and could basically shrug it off and go on.

Nice thought. Thanks!

Re: Dms1234's story 04 Sep 2014 22:36 #238821

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Gibbor,

good stuff (like usual).

This helps me understand why most of the time I have a relatively easy time with this struggle, and although people beat me up on it, it works for me.
I realize and openly admit that I am a lust addict, one who on a moments notice can sink to the depths of the dreg and even lower than that. I also say and believe that I have not come close to teshuvah at all (and I will not argue here with anyone that thinks differently). And accordin'ly, when the lust hits, I don't fret about it....I have those precious three seconds to pose the life or death question, and I don't mind at all askin' it, and choosin' life is the pleasurable way to go.

And perhaps after lookin' at your post again, I am sayin' even more....not better c"v, but more...I am not acceptin' that I and my thoughts are 'normal'; I am acceptin' that they are normal for an addict like me, and that's ok, for at the present moment - that is who I am, and I have no interest of crawlin' outta my skin.

so thanks again
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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Re: Dms1234's story 05 Sep 2014 00:27 #238828

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ok, very nice and clear.

somehow I feel that calling myself an addict, it feels very negative, and if I do have a problem, so I would tell myself" you have an addiction problem" but it doesn't do justice to my whole personality by calling myself an addict.
I guess everyone feels differently.

and to gibbor, I can appreciate your words of wisdom, but there is another way out as well. yes, we can expect to big tzadikim (this is in line with chazal, that everyone can be a tzaddik and even swears so, before come down to this world), but instead of being crushed by the amount of evil within us, take it as a compliment, chazal say "kol hagodol michavayroi, yitzroi godol mimenu" [succah 52a], and this was said about Abaye, who said about himself, that he wouldn't be able to hold back, if a tempting situation came up. {see there}. people with addictions may be more spiritually sensitive.

look, I've been long enough aroung here to know that there are several approaches and I respect everyone.
if thinking that you are dirt helps, good for you.
actually I find it amusing that Avrohom ovinu says "anoichi afar v'aifer"
and so does Avrum cordnoy!!!
i love you all

Re: Dms1234's story 05 Sep 2014 00:43 #238831

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ya' know...perhaps I said "dirt," perhaps not.
Doesn't make much of a difference to me.
Perhaps it's also easier for me to accept the addict term, for I have seen the shaar hatachton, unlike you or others whose desires are tv shows and stuff like that.

But whatever, everyone has their way of workin' the program.

as has become my habit lately, the next five lines were written and then deleted.

b'hatzlachah to all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Dms1234's story 05 Sep 2014 00:58 #238833

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cordnoy wrote:
ya' know...perhaps I said "dirt," perhaps not.
Doesn't make much of a difference to me.
Perhaps it's also easier for me to accept the addict term, for I have seen the shaar hatachton, unlike you or others whose desires are tv shows and stuff like that.

But whatever, everyone has their way of workin' the program.

as has become my habit lately, the next five lines were written and then deleted.

b'hatzlachah to all


I think everyone has there own shaar hatachton. i'm not comparing. but it well may be, that even though to the human eye, certain things seem worse than others, being that everyone has different gettups, we can't know.

for example someone who has done every lustful thing in the book, for many years, may still be in Hashem's eyes like someone who has only slightly slipped.
i love you all

Re: Dms1234's story 05 Sep 2014 01:00 #238835

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Why?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: Dms1234's story 05 Sep 2014 01:19 #238841

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cordnoy wrote:
Why?



I got this idea from the mabit.
he says on the gemara of "oilam hofuch ra'isi"
that the chiddush of the amora wasn't that the good guys are on top and the baddies on the bottom, that's too obvious.

rather, up there we see a bewildering sight.
his example is someone who was very blessed with good talents/middos and lives his life in a relatively peaceful way, and contrast him to someone who was really given a can of worms, who succeeded in his life to get rid of some of them. bottom line the second guy had to put in more effort,(let say for example). so he is on top.

this is one example, it is all about effort.
similiarly, if someone has been born with this massive inclination for lust, he falls 100 easier than mr. regular, so if mr. regular slippes, on Hashem may consider them in the same place. and when mr. lustful make an exertion to move up, even if he is still down there somewhere, this may be more than mr. regular's basic teshuva.


I hope i'm being clear.
i love you all

Re: Dms1234's story 05 Sep 2014 01:31 #238847

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this time you added that he made an exertion to step up.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
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