Reb MT I just saw your thread and I'm wondering whether blueberries are considered a "sweet delicacy" or are they more in the category of a sour pickle?
just wondering.

Machshovo Tova wrote:


Please tell me where this Tiferes Shlomo is. Thanks TZ.

But I would like to say that it extends not just to the YH as the Radomsker probably saw it. But rather, it applies to what I posted about RH and YK - that I cannot afford to 'daven for a good year', or 'make up for a bad year'. Thats stam nahrishkeit, and Hashem knows it is. Who wants to be talking nahrishkeit'n to the King? Not me...and most certainly not on a day like RH or YK!

So I put my trust in Hashem and try to just ask Him one thing the entire day: to help me do the day's avodah right. I say the machzor, behave myself as best i can, and do what is best for me from the sforim that are best for my sobriety (1st priority of course) on these days: focus on His Malchus (Nefesh Hachayim, RMCh"L, the Radomsker, and many others), focus on trusting Him to make right TODAY all the bad things (mistakes) I have ever done in my life and try to see myself today ("ba'asher hu shom") as He sees me. And on RH in particular, I try to follow the advice of the sforim and remember it is the head (rosh) of the year and my thoughts and attitudes on this day are my avodah. They form the pipes He will use for the coming year - but what He puts in those pipes is not my business, but only His. My job is to make nice pipes today. Thats the avoda on RH - plumbing. Nice, pretty, plumbing. Not 'to get a good year', but to do Rosh Hashonoh right. He WILL take care of my year just right if I do today just right...whatever today is, it is never about tomorrow. No matter how hard I try to push myself in the bathroom, I can never go for tomorrow today.

How He runs the year...that is not my eisek at all.

But as a brainaholic frum guy, it is my tendency to manipulate G-d (we used to like to call it 'the power of tefilloh'!); which is ultimately just playing G-d. Yes, it is. He needs no help from me at all to run my life, arrange next year the best way for me. All I need to pay attention to is how well i am living today. Today has it's way - it's avodah - and RH has it's avodah - and the avodah on RH is not running the next year right. That's His job.

I used to try to run the show and expected to run it fine as long as G-d, my wife, kids, friends, parents, boss, the annoying guy next to me in shul, the goy on the road in the car in front of me who doesn't know how to drive...all listened. Then I got mad at everyone else for not following the script. Frum sexaholics do this with yiddishkeit as our main tool and context. We call it 'avodas Hashem' - but it's really just avodas atzmeinu. Nu. It was a start...

And when the year comes, I do not have a place to blame myself, for all He ever does is Chessed. I have an opportunity to accept his Grace (Chessed) in whatever form it appears to be, with full surrender (hachno'oh), as all the sforim tell us to. And that is what Rav Twerski so wisely says 'mekabel besimcha' really means.

Dear chevra,

I take this opportunity to thank Hashem for a beautiful stretch of over 300 days, which ended (or was shortly interrupted) this weekend. B"H there was no P**, no internet, and no histaklus asuros involved. But as the Ohr Hachayim on Kedoshim tihyu expounds, there is a very delicate balance between doing the "Mitzva" and at the same time avoiding lust. That is where the YH finds an opening into my soul r"l, and that was the trigger that set me off. B"H I'm back on track, and I am be"H taking it to the next level, to refine my "Asiyas Hamitzva".

I apologize to any unmarried members that may find this subject uncomfortable (be grateful that at this point you do not have this nisayon). I do not have access to the married forum (too triggering for me). If any married members have advice on how to better achieve this delicate balance, please PM me.

Thanks & hatzlacha to all,

MT

Mazal Tov on the 300+. It's a tough balance. It sounds like you are doing well with it for the most part, KOT!

gibbor120 wrote:

Thanks for congratulating.
Thanks for acknowledging my predicament.
Thanks for the pat on the back. It helps.

MT

Hi MT. Congrats on 300+ days! I'm sorry to hear of your fall. As I'm sure you know, it's not the end of anything, it's merely like a bump in the road. And that's why MT's (Monstuh Trucks) have those huge tires and long travel suspensions.

KOMT!!!

Don't want to get too analytical here, and each person has to know what their limits are. We do give each other chizuk regarding "asiyas hamitzva" the right way in the Balei Battim's section. It's nothing about any acts. It's all about attitude. Maybe I'm way off here, but perhaps your fear of joining us there is because to you the bedroom is still more a place of lust.

Love you and admire your commitment and always enjoy your divrei Torah.

Alex

Osei Chadashos. Baal Milchamos.
B'chol Yom Chadash will win the war.

My best regards to bubby.

mt

I ditto what everyone else said

your fall has been my struggle my entire life, besides my other issues

that balance is a tough one

im trying a type of abstinence now; convincing myself I don't need it.

my therapist will take this further in a day or two.

b'hatzlachah

Thanks all,

I remember reading in R' Yaakov Emden siddur that the reason this "Mitzva" is discussed in Shulchan Aruch Orach Chayim chapter 240, cuz 240 can be Reish Mem = Ram = exalted, or it can be Mem Reish = Mar = bitter. As the Zohar says about this Mitzva: when it is done correctly, there is nothing better than it; but when it's done incorrectly, there is nothing worse than it.

כד טב לית טב מיניה וכד ביש לית ביש מיניה

Hatzlacha

MT

cordnoy wrote:

You're married your entire life?!

MT, Rabbi Emden wrote simanim to remember the topic of each siman in shulchan aruch, it was printed from his ksav yad in Kovetz Zechor LeAvraham 5765 p. 97.

tehillimzugger wrote:


sometimes it sure feels like it!

struggling on this balance for 25 years
rubu k'kulo!

Reminds me of a joke by R' Yankel Miller:
איך האב חתונה געהאט פאר די מלחמה - די מלחמה האט זיך אנגעהויבען נאך די חתונה
(I got married before the war - The war started after I got married)

MT

Really very funny, actually. Wow. Jews are cool.

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish all my friends a Ksiva Vchasima Tova and a Happy New Year. Being happy, as we know, is an important ingredient for staying sober. And starting 'new' is also a good tool to use. So this year may we merit to be happy every day and to start fresh every day.

Amen!

MT