Glad to hear the news. Whether the news are good or bad, depends on what you do with them. Re-read Dov's post for good measure.
G-d bless,
Mottel

Boruch Hashem you are clean and got a good scare. If there is a next time, chas vesholom, you might not get away so easily. Any zonah willing to put herself in danger by engaging in unprotected sex is likely to be infected and probably feels she is beyond hope, and she is probably right.


Take care holy brother.

B"H for the good news!

Like BB and CY said, you were zoche to get a message from Above, a good scare without real suffering. But the fear and shock you felt can be a great motivator as you continue your journey, as a reminder of the potential consequences of backsliding to the old ways. Use it, and may you have a smooth road and the wind at you back as you strive for even greater levels of Kedusha.

Wishing you much hatzlacha, one day, one step at a time.

Gevura!

B"H
glad to hear this. even though it was a 'tefilat shav' i was davening for you.

as you were told written this should be a good reminder for you (and all of us) that when you fall you can get zbanged. and for people like us a little giving in makes us fall deeply.

LT

Hello All

Its so good to be able to tell my terrible nisayons, addictions, and next steps to a group that understands.  Your responses back after the good STD news gives me such chizuk and comfort.  Instead of living this all alone in my head with guilt and unclear thinking, as I  have for years.

I've re-read your posts and I can feel my will increases to stay focused on my next recovery steps.  Although I will try to keep and remember  the pain of feeling the Scare of mis-reading the test results - I know that inspiration (whether positive or negative) will fade over time.  At least for me.  I've had some other really bad scares (will post another time) that kept me on the derech for a month or two - and then boom - right back to the zonahs.

I heard from a Rav once that if you have Hakores Hatov - the best thing to do is make a change in your actions.  So this seems to be the perfect motivator and timing to really push myself into Recovery Steps:  such as - join live SA meeting, I think the  TaPHSiC shvua looks really good for me, keep posting and communicating with you all, get a Sponsor (?).  I need to have my head on this track every day.    Sound right - any further suggestions about how to just really dive into Recovery - seems like I have come believe I AM A  LUST ADDICT like i never really did before.    I'm also bli neder going to make  a donation to GYE - this has been so helpful!

thanks so much again to all
Good Shabbos!

Have2changeNOW

You sound really ready to take action.  If you do join a live SA meeting - I think they will get you a sponsor and give you hadracha.  Keep moving in a positive direction!

Hatzlacha Rabbah!

Hello All,

Well this is definitely a new state for me to be in - really feeling like I get it - that I AM A LUST ADDICT, teshuva won't change me enough int this regards- I need Recovery!

So here's is my question - please give some advice from those of you who have been there:  I'm feeling different than before - getting the great STD news of clean last week, and now deep in Recovery reading - going to SA meeting tomorrow if all goes as planned. Been doing good for 5 days - really guarding my eyes - (one slip = one sip). 

Now in a few days my wife is going to the mikvah - and for the first time ever - I'm concerned that will have me much more thinking about sex than in my current state, and even though we have a nice sex life (thank G-d) it has in the past woken me up to act out more sometimes.

Really want to get this right with my wife with no terrible side affects.  Any recos?

Thanks much

Have2chagneNOW

Put the entire issue on the shelf. You are not going to 'get it right', it will be as it always was - yes, a risk for reawakening lust, but also a tool for feeling close with each other...and not perfect. Sex with the wife will not start to get fixed before you start to get fixed, and it will take a while, even after you are 'deeply' in recovery. Probably over a year...or more.

Hey, what do you really expect?

So don't sweat it, just live and focus on the few things you do have some power over - like doing what you need to do to get clean and immersing yourself in real recovery and the steps. That itself will not happen in a week or two, don't worry!

The cheap thrills are the ones that 'happen' overnight. Easy come, easy go...and 'easy does it' does the trick.

Now-
The fact that you're aware of this new challenge seems to indicate you're thinking about this properly. Congrats!

Dov hit the nail on the head, though, it will be tough.

Know that going in, and be ready to brace yourself.

Good Luck

Well that makes sense.  Really helpful to get the advice of you fellow lust addicts with more recovery under your belt.  Thank you. 

I'm going to my first SA meeting in a while tonight.  Although I think I would prefer to find a group with mostly frum yidden, I'm going to one with a very mixed crowd in NYC.

Next for me is to make up a shvua from the TaPHsiC method - that sounds like it would be helpful to me.  Any suggestions in this regard.

I am a bit concerned my enthusiasm will wane - but one day at a time!

Also -  want to tell other Newbies - JUMP IN - Make recovery your TOP priority!!!  The post from Alex to Levian was GREAT - right on target in my opinion.

Thanks to all and be matzliach!

Have2changeNOW

H2,

A belated hello.  I just read through your whole thread.  You've gotten some excellent advice.  I especially agree with O'Mottel's strong words.

While halachically masturbation might be better than a women (has it occurred to you some of the prostitutes may be married?)  it has no place in recovery.

I'm glad you read my post to Levian, because every word applies to you and your situation.  You must completely cut yourself off from the lust drug.  Bulletproof shmiras eynayim.  Tefila whenever lustful thoughts or plans come knocking.  No masturbation.

Regarding your concern that being with your wife will feed your lust, you're right.  That's probably a project for another day, though.  But being with your wife shouldn't be about lust.  It should be about being with her.  Showing your appreciation for her.  Bonding with her.  I've had a hard lesson in this area recently (see my thread in the Balei Battim's section--you'll need to PM Guard for access).  Sex with the wife isn't about getting high on our lust.  It's about connecting.  But like Dov says, right now you've got bigger fish to fry.  But this is far from a subtlety, and eventually you want to move toward this correct, more fulfilling approach to your own bedroom.

Have2changeNOW wrote on 23 Jan 2012 20:21:


Maybe you're scared of succeeding.  Of being well.  Of truly not having your drug anymore.  Of being real.  Of real intimacy.

Do stay here with us.  We're in this with you now.

Alex

Amazing thread, 'havetochangeNOW' just read through it and held with suspense about the STDs BH you are clean, very happy for you.
Hotzlocho rabo and col hacavod you are here, seeking help. If you can do it, so can I!

Hello Alex (and All)

Thanks for reading my thread, and once again thanks for your super insightful comments to both me and Levian.  I have 2 things to tell the GYE chevra for tonight:

1) I went to an SAA group last night.  I realized one huge difference for me. Here in GYE - people comment back to my specific problems and questions - and give really good advice that i hadn't  thought of, and chizuk.  This direct back and forth, the focused conversation is AWESOME and INVALUABLE.  At the SSA meeting, everyone just spoke about their feelings and situation in their Share - which was good,  but for me I really missed the direct conversation and specific support.  So I think I should continue to go - because I get the idea from you, my chevra - that I need to throw myself in multiple aspects of Recovery, but I really cherish this Forum.

2) I have been shy about saying this, but feel I need to be honest with you all.  In my previous years of lusting, before I recently admitted I was a lust addict,  when I had a good streak, it seemed that talking about would weaken it.  Well I hope that changes,  becasue somehow - it must be only through a miracle of Hashem - I have been super clean since for  1 week (since i got the clean STD results).  For those of you you have read my thread - i felt masturbating would be OK compared to zonahs, but I mean SUPER CLEAN - not masturbated once in seven days.  Sometimes I am worried about what will be in the future - because i haven't had the lust attacks (yet. . . ).  But i have been super good about guarding my eyes, and every time i think about how long this streak will go - I have been able to think JUST TODAY.  And Recovery Action is on my mind A LOT, with follow through hishtadlus. 

So that news is really unexpected and I am SUPER Grateful.  Its the first time i have a vision of who I might become IY"H - a lust addict who doesn't act out, IY"H.    Can I really change. . . . please Hashem keep me on this path!!  And to my chevra on GYE - THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all the CHIZUK!!!  I do really want to give back - and have started responding to some Newbies and donated $100 to GYE as hakaras hatov.

As usual - really open and eager to hear the advice of you who have dealt with this longer and more successfully than me.

All the best,
Have2changeNOW

Good going!
You will come to appreciate the "no cross-talk" policy of 12-step meetings. For direct invlovement in your particulars you should get a sponsor, and of course you always have us. Your appreciation is appreciated: when I see myself in your mirror, it helps me with my own situation.
You said you went to SAA meeting. If this is not a slip of tongue, my suggestion would be to find an SA meeting instead. The difference between the two groups is mainly in definition of sobriety, and the SA's definition: "No sex with self or with anyone other than a spouse" is closer to what I think a frum Yid should strive for. Of course, SAA is better than nothing, and if there is no SA in your area, you should continue going to this one. I would just recommend that in this case, you define your own sobriety in strict terms.
I met someone (a goy) in my meeting today, who left SA for SAA one year ago, and he came back to SA today and told us that he wasted a year of his life.
Keep coming back, friend.
Mottel.

Wow, what a great thread. 

H2, I too have issues controlling my visits to the MP's.  I relate a lot to what you are going through and see a lot of myself in the way you are tackling things...  and so if I sound angry with you, consider it more angry at myself.  ;-)

First of all,.. "How do you know an addict is lying?  His lips are moving (or his fingers are typing)."  In other words, being honest with ourselves and the group, takes a LOT of time... there are layers and layers to peel away.  Now I'm telling the truth... okay, now the REAL truth... no, WAIT, there's more, HERE IS THE REAL DEAL... and on and on...  I don't think you've fully assessed and been honest with yourself about the risks you put your wife to.  Maybe a comment on the thread made you think twice.  The fact that she could have gotten a life threatening illness directly because of your addiction should send a shudder down all of our spines and how strong addiction can be and how much damage it can do.

My problem isn't z**a's, m** or object of my lust... all those are my failed solutions...  The real problem is that I'm a liar, I'm an ego-maniac, a control freak, a coward, a weakling, a sissy, a thief and more.  And not in the way of Tachanun thumps to the heart that nobody means.  Mamash, how many lies have I told my wife.  How much do I think about myself and my needs to get my rocks off.

But I need to be friends with you and hear your story and learn from you because I think underneath the lies you are still living (as am I), you have a very lofty neshama and I do believe that Gcd may grant you special Divine assistance and you will elevate many souls to Teshuvah.  So, I'm gonna PM you so you can lambast me and I can lambast you into our fair share of Olam Haba.  ;-)