nu-nu

I have no problem with someone not using his real name on this forum.
This is a publicly accessible site and all sorts of people come here (including women and even some of our wives).
In addition, it may hold a person back from sharing important information which, together with his name, may be identifying.
I'm all for reality.  If I'm PM-ing, emailing, or (imagine it) speaking with a fellow addict, I will use my real name.  But this forum is not the safety of an SA meeting.  This is the world wide web.  That's a reality too.

I remain,
Alex

alexeliezer wrote on 06 Mar 2012 18:04:


now is that your alias real name or your real real name

Alex, Mottel, and TZ - I think we're all saying the same thing in a way - and i agree totally.  YGE is a bit too public for full name disclosure, but in other Recovery forums - such as face to face meetings, phone calls, PM on GYE - i totally agree its much better to use your real name (which i do).  Mottel - please keep calling the shots as you see them - I need the slap in the face of reality as much as I can get.  Alex - as usual - your eloquence is inspiring. 

I thought you'd all comment more one the Woodford! - so let's make a l'chaim to Dov and Guard -  yasher koach!

all the best to my online friends, love you guys,
Name withheld for many reason! 

Have2changeNOW wrote on 06 Mar 2012 20:18:

I see you DID end up figuring out the nahafoch hu....

Didn't I mention that I'm a bad speller, and a worse online editor.  Just add it to my list when I get to Step #4.

I would like to tell over a nice recovery story - i spent a really special time together with my younger daughter getting ready for Purim.  In the past during such special moments, i would have a bad feeling about where i was recently and who i was i with (z****), but this time the special moment was pure, nothing to feel guilty about, just thanks to Hashem for beautiful father/daughter time.  Baruch Hashem!!  and thanks for no acting out!

A freilichin Purim to all in this holy chevra!

nahafoch hu 

wow, it's great to hear it from the mind of an addict!! i thought once an addict reaches the highest level of acting out, he no longer feels guilty and can finally spend quality time with his family, leaving his double life at the door.  very interesting that you would still feel guilty.

Hello Holy Chevra!

I haven't posted in about a week - works been hectic.  Been reading the posts, and its good to see more newbies having found GYE, and IY"H starting on the Road to their Recovery.  I have been reaching out to more fellow addicts live, mostly by cell phone, and that has been really good too.

My reflections for the last few days, to help me stay focused:
1) Recovery action/hishtadlus has to be on the top of my mind daily
2) Extreme Shmiras Ha-ayin is MISSION critical - it gives me a sense of really trying to keep my Recovery fresh, it shows me how easily triggered i can be (so I remember I'm an addict), and it best of all - it is very effective as keeping me from being triggered.  I'm a bit nervous about the upcoming good weather - but DAY AT A TIME.
3) Trying to really understand the first 1, 2, and 3rd Steps of the 12 Steps.  Seems like some serious wisdom over there.

When i do well with #1 and #2 above - i have a big sense of Joy and Gratitude to Hashem.  And that is all good!

Hope everyone had a great Purim - and now we're off to Yitzias Mitzrayim!

Be Matzliach!
H2CNOW

Have2changeNOW wrote on 14 Mar 2012 19:25:

לא המדרש העיקר אלא המעשה .
AKA - "They work if you work em"

yeah hope we can catch up soon H2.  it's been a busy time here too.
nice chizuk, thanks for the update. 
shmiras aynoyim is a great way to constantly refresh and remind ourselves about our mission.  i thought if I got really dark sunglasses, I'd be cured.
maybe not so much.
Lately my back has been hurting and I've been really nagging myself to get a RMT.  Hard to fight this one.  NEed to lie down on the ground.  I'm rationalizing that an RMT is okay if she's an RMT!!  ARRRRRGGHHH.  It's okay, isn't it?  I wouldn't ask for anything.

Forgive me if I am stupid or ignorant but are there not male masseurs who can relieve muscle tension for you?

ontheedgeman wrote on 15 Mar 2012 03:09:


It's not OK!

Have2changeNOW wrote on 14 Mar 2012 19:25:


Totally agree and can't say this enough.

Don't worry about the warm weather.  Remember, you're not looking to begin with, so it doesn't matter what they look like.  You are training to not look.  Your eyes are bouncing off women when they do accidently spot one.  This must become an ingrained habit.

A good practice is not to look at strangers in general.  If you're driving, for example, or walking down the block, and you notice a human form in your peripheral vision, it's instinct to look.  You might think that if it's a man, then it's ok (sorry Gevura).  But in order to find out what it is, you've already looked.  And if it's a woman, you may have already seen too much.  So the very best approach is to force yourself to just ignore people unless you absolutely must interact with them.

alexeliezer wrote on 15 Mar 2012 15:03:


It's not my thread, and you don't have to apologize, I know i'm different (and i'm not the only one), and everything i read here I just flip around anyway. Like this:



BTW that's something i have been working on too, not to pay attention to the peripheral people that I don't need to see. For instance when I am driving or biking, the people on the sidewalk have no shaychus to me (unless they look like they are about to cross the street), so there is no reason to be constantly scanning the sidewalks looking for "eye candy".

And yeah, those first warm days of spring, where everyone is walking around in shirtsleeves for the first time.... :o :-[

And Edge, I wasn't going to comment on the RMT thing, but all I can say is that I hope I never need massage therapy, chiropractic, or anything like that. I can't imagine being touched by anyone that way without being triggered.

Sorry if i offended anyone... :-[

Gevura!

What a warm feeling i got from opening up and seeing all of your responses! Here I have these friends that i have never met in person, who care about me, know my  deepest problems, and help me directly and indirectly deal with it.  You guys rock and GYE is a great thing!  Baruch Hashem. 

Alex - you confirmed it for me - SHMIRAS HA-AYIN is JUST ALWAYS ON, ALWAYS IMPORTANT  - a new way of life. The right way of life!

EdgeMan - i have asked that question many times, and I do think there are places that really give non-sexual massages.  But its more about you and fences and if that is a trigger.  I'd step very lightly here.  For me - the answer is no - just because I can't take a chance.  I'm viewing my recovery as fragile.
How about asking your wife? and then giving her a massage.  Could lead to just nice bonding, or maybe something more in a nice and healthy way.

Gevura - don't be too self-conscious - I think we can get beyond that particular addiction and just share the state of addiction/helplessness. At least that's the sense i get.  Many people would be upset by my addiction for other reasons.  And your posts resonate with many of us - independent of the focus of your triggers.

holy Chevra - good to 'see' you and be posting again!

Be matzliach!
Have2ChangeNOW