Here is the introduction to The 18 Wheeler as found on page 157 in The SA White Book:


Overcoming Lust and Temptation

When we withdraw from our habits and are able to stay sexually sober for some length of time, we discover that even though we may not be acting out our compulsion, the obsession is still with us, though it may seem to disapear for a time. Lust, as we have seen, assumes many disguises, which we begin to recognize in sobriety as time goes on. For one person, lust may be lusting after someone. For another, it may be the obsession to be lusted after. For yet another, lust may appear as a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone. In any case, it is the inner disposition of the heart that is the real problem, and the work of recovery continues with altered attitudes and gaining progressive victory over lust.

Lust only yields to slow, patient working of the program in the context of others who are doing the same. This is one reason we need the fellowship of sobriety on a continuing basis. The rewards are unending, giving us the true freedom we always wanted.

In the following piece, a member tells how he overcame his obsession with lust. For many, these suggestions have proven to be useful in maintaining sobriety and overcoming lust and temptation.

Here is The 18 Wheeler as found on pages 158-168 in The SA White Book. It starts with a short introduction and then goes into the 18 ways the author overcame his lust. As you will come to see some of the 18 (for example 1&2) don't have much chiddush and will not tell you very much that you don't already know, while others (for example 4&5) are quite profound. Some of the 18 that don't sound very profound are still worth discussing for various reasons and we will try to do that.

How I Overcame My Obsession with Lust

How did I do it? I didn't. A woman in AA told me after she spoke in a meeting, quoting chapter 5 in Alcoholics Anonymous, that " G-d could and would, if he were sought." And that's how I did it by letting G-d do it. Because I couldn't. But G-d could and would-and did. But I had to go to meetings to learn things like that. "Meetings, meetings, meetings,meetings..." That's what they told me. "Just keep bringing the body." "Work the steps, work the steps, work the steps, work the steps, work the steps." Going to meetings and working the steps; that's how I did it. That's how I learned to let "the grace of G-d enter to expel the obsession." Here's what worked for me:

1. Stop practicing the compulsion. I stopped acting out sexually in any and all forms, including sex with myself (Masturbation) and nonmarital relationships. There could be no relief from the obsession of lust while still practicing the acts of lust.

The first of The 18 Wheeler is quite obvious and doesn't say much that any serious GYE member isn't already trying to do. There are however several points to discuss such as the SA Bottom Line, the main point of the 12 Steps, and where stopping to act out comes in with regards to the rest of the steps.

I will IY"H post in the near future to include these discussions.

A few comments on the first of The 18 Wheeler:

1. The SA bottom line (if act out in this way then you reset your sobriety) is diffrent than GYE's bottom line. GYE includes deliberately watching pornography in it's bottom line while SA only includes masturbation (to finish) and sex with others. Of course SA includes progressive victory over lust which says we must abstain from all forms of lust from porn to second looks on the street to a few seconds of fantasy. The reson why the SA bottom line doesn't include porn is two fold:

a) If we constantly reset our sobriety especially in the beginnig it will be much harder to get into solid sobriety time and get over that early hump of acting out and stopping over and over again.

b) Masturbation releases large quantities dopamine in the brain and is a much more powerful drug (scientifically) than watching some porn. We first get ourselves out of the more potent dugs and then work on the smaller ones. This not to say we advise watching porn in the beginning as we will see in number 2 of The 18 Wheeler we need to stop feeding the obsession right away. This is just to say that we don't reset our sobriety for watching porn without masturbation.


2. There is a diffrence of opinion among SA Old-Timers if we move up our bottom line to include other actions of lust as we progress in sobriety. There are those who say that the bottom line always remains the same, while others assert quite forcefully that we move it up with time. This issue is probably decided for each SA member by his individual sponsor. Roy K., the founder of SA, reset his sobriety when he was 28 years sober to 18 years due to an action of lust that he took at year 10. He did not reset it at the time that he took the action at year 10 only later. If he would have reset it at year 10 would he have stayed sober? Who knows. Guidance on this is always given by a sponsor.


3. The point of the 12-Steps is not to stop acting out, but work on the reasons behind our acting out. We act out due to a level of insanity, an obsession to the unreal, our inability to deal with our emotions, our defects of character, and a deep spiritual emptiness and hunger. The 12-Steps works on these things and completely remakes the person into a new and better version of himself. The main point of the steps is not to get us sober, but to keep us sober and to give us recovery (relief from the problems mentioned above).


4. Do we get sober (for a week, 2, or 3) and then work the steps, or do we work the steps in order to get sober?

Again it depends who you ask, some sponsors will say that you must get some sobriety time under your belt first before starting to work the steps. We do this by going to many meetings, participating in fellowship, making tons of phone calls, using the 18 Wheeler, and in general just "white knuckling" it. Those who are of this opinion belive that it is only possible to properly work the steps when we are not drunk on our drug. Other sponsors will say that you need to work steps one, two, and three in order to get sober. These sponsors agree that working the steps while sober proves much more effective, but they hold that the first 3 steps will get us sober in the first place.

**** "White Knuckling" refers to just using force and willpower to stop.

The 12 steps is a spiritual journey to accept that where I am today is where I am supposed to be. I cannot change the past and I cannot control the future and live every day for today. I get rid of resentments in step 4, get rid of negative character traits in 6,7, make amends, take inventory and help others. Therapy on the other hand explores the link between childhood experiences, trauma, abuse, how it leads to addiction. In order to heal we have to heal the trauma which causes us to have low self esteem, feel lonely, feel we're not good enough. Or if we grew up with no rules we feel entitled to act out when we feel lonely, angry, hungry or tired.
The goal is emotional sobriety, not just stopping acting out. Emotional sobriety is living a life of serenity, knowing what tools to use when there are bumps in the road and accepting reality, instead of wallowing in fantasy.

elya k wrote on 27 May 2025 02:02:

Thank you, very well said.

Here is 18 Wheeler number two, IY"H I will post comments on it in the near future.

2. Stop feeding the obsession. This meant eliminating from what was under my control all printed and visual materials (these days internet) and other symbols of my tyranny. I had to stop feeding my lust by looking around, in my use of television, movies, and music; and by using and listening to the language of lust.
I also had to stop living only and always inside my own head. That's one of the great fringe benefits of going to a lot of meetings. Most of us sexaholics really live on the inside of our heads; we're seldom in the real world.