wannachange wrote on 01 May 2025 02:20:
Hey holy brothers.
BH on day 9!
SHOUT OUT TO CHANCYHK - I tried what you said- accepting that its ok to have an urge but doesnt mean I need to follow up with it....and....drumroll please.....it worked!
So now I can look at whatever I want to and I just have to think dont carry through with it- KIDDING.
Either way, feeling lonely now - came home exhausted and just didnt have the patience for my kids that I wish I did. I think that triggered me and is making me feel like a horrible person and I used to run to p&m as an unhealthy outlet but now.....
maybe its because im tired? Any ideas?
Random thought - my wife is forever making friends, keeping up with old ones.
I was thinking in the car tonight how nice it would be to just have a friend to call and shmooze with and communicate with..
but honestly I think the last time I kept up with a friend was a couple of years ago.
But now with work and getting home exhausted and trying to give me kids some attention, and my wife....
theres no time for friends.
Maybe if I had time for friends, to just get out and chill, talk and shmooze, it would make things easier and would take away the lonely feeling?
Anyone relate any feedback?
Thanx
Dear WC,
Happy to hear that it works. I will explain a bit more.
Being addicted to sexual arousal is just as or more addictive than Alcohol or Drugs. The body/brain gets a incredible dose of ''feel good'' hormones. And that makes us feel relaxed and high at the same time.......... So of course we want more and more of that. Its not just our minds wanting it, its more that the brain/body crave it, so by fighting it and telling yourself "dont look, what if you get aroused, what if you act on it" or any other scare tactics, you wont get anywhere. Its already in you, if you fight it, you are thinking about it more not less. The trick is to be cool and logical.
Yes, it feels good, my brain and body will get that sweet sweet drug that will make everything taste better......
Yes, its normal to feel this way, everyone has desires to one degree or other, maybe mine is higher or maybe not, no way of knowing for sure.
But, I know the facts of what and whom im hurting by looking or continuing the fantasy in my mind, everyone. Hashem, Myself, My wife, kids, parents, Kedusha in general.
Now, I have a choice to make, do I look/fantasies and have that short lived enjoyment and than pay the terrible price.
Or, I will move on, knowing that NOTHING will happen if i do. Normally, you will forget about the trigger in less than a minute.
However, when we are stressed/tired/angry/lonely, etc, its harder to stay cool calm and collected. so its easier to fall into the laziness trap where we do whats easier in the moment an throw caution to the wind. So being prepared before going someplace where u know might be challenging will make it much easier.
Practicing this over and over will completely rewire your way of thinking about triggers. Eventually, it will become natural.
i agree with you that having friends is a very important thing in life, especially for people like us.
Many guys on here say that they dont have friends. These things are connected.
P.S. I have 0 friends........................
Good luck
Chancy Hakuten
