Hi all! Feeling down now....I was up for a long time going strong...fell recently again and again....help me please! Could use some chizuk. SSA fantasies drive me nuts, I dont even have a smartphone or an unfiltered computer but still manage to fall....ugh feeling horrible now. Sorry not sure where the right place to start posting is but I guess here is a good place to start. Married with kids BH. Succesful job, making money. Learning solid. I managed a very long streak for a while but now my mindset sort of shifted that whatever this is the way I am get over it. I want OUT and never to return to this nutty SSA craze. Help me please. Could use some chizuk. Going to start recounting, Tomorrow is a new day, Day 1 BeH!

Welcome to the most amazing family, my friend!
We are here for you, we care about you, and we want to see you succeed. Keep sharing, ask, listen, read, connect, and beH you'll see a lot changing!
Feel free to reach out to the email in my signature

Thanks eerie! Really appreciate the feedback. Today is Day 1 a new day. Feeling better then last night, BeH it will last.

Today is day 3 BH! Daydreaming today but hopefully wont lead to anything....I know it doesn't do anything for me it just is a way of fulfilling an empty outlet. Years and years of bad habits....Hashem please please please please help me. You made me this way with my life experiences, you put me here exactly in this situation with my nisyonos. Im doing loads better then I used to but in the end I always end up falling. Get me out! I want true freedom! When am I going to get to join the ranks of others who post that now their nisayon is smaller?!?!?!?! Even when Im going strong for a while, whenever I feel high pressure or anxiety....this is my first turn to outlet. But I know Im not alone

So Im going to use this thread as an opportunity to count my way up. Goal right now is 7 days. Today is day 5 BH! Its been quite a journey....from what Im reading and hearing from others it doesnt seem that its ever going to end. It gets easier with time BeH but its something Im just going to have to live with. At one point I was ready to throw in the towel and prep to just live life with p&m as a way of life... but then I met this beautiful family and I now know better.
I was going along a road.....
windy and lonely and cold....
tears the shame. Some guilt also (ok maybe a lot).
Then along comes a chirp, some hope some light,
perhaps Im not alone?
I reach out Ibegin to dream...
find family shining on all sides....
And family truly cares

Wow, I feel for you brother.........

Here's hoping you find a way to conquer this beast....

Muttel

Thanks!
I have gotten pretty long "clean" streaks BH ever since I started with GYE. HHM has given me a real boost to my self worth and changed my mindset. I got the longest clean streak I ever thought I would. 
BUT
although my computers filtered, and I dont have a smartphone...
I still have a trigger thats just too easily accessible to me
(dont want to describe and trigger anyone).
SO although I wouldnt actually m... I would still give in to that trigger whenever I feel alone or pressured.
So what Im counting now is to try to avoid that trigger altogether BeH.
Was on the road the other day... totally avoided looking at billboards BH!

Today is 7! Woohoo! BeH will make it through the day without any bumps.
Keeping in mind that theres a lot of pressure now...with yom tov coming up...turning over, cooking and cleaning (If you dont know what turning over is then please feel free to come to my house I will show you what a very wet kitchen looks like)...people not feeling well....and of course my reguler job doesnt exactly give me off now for 2 weeks before pesach....
Hopefully this extra pressure wont cause me to feel down at any point and fall in any way!
Please Hashem, You're in charge!

Any advice or chizuk welcome!!!!
#Wannachange

Wow! Thats Amazing!

Definately identify with the pressure, wet kitchen and people not feeling well.

You can do this!

Keep posting. By venting here you are releasing in a kosher way. In addition you will b'ezras Hashem receive chizuk and validation from many guys on the forum and through PM. Buddy, you are not alone. The struggle you have is shared by many more people than the tzibbur would like to admit. You are normal and erlich. As you wrote, your set of circumstances brought you to where you are today.  And buddy, you're not just turning over your kitchen this year - you're turning over your life. Hatzlocha!

Wow the famous HHM! On my post! Im honored to the core!
Was a pretty high intense day by me....the old me would immediately get triggered and run for the unhealthy outlet of p&m....
BH didnt head in that direction instead I reached out to friends for support.....Oilam please daven for me.....
I get this withdrawel feeling sometimes because my body isn't using the outlet its used to....anyone relate?
the road is long....
darkness surrounds at times.....
who turned off the lights?!?!?
sometimes feeling lonely inside...and that is the biggest trigger to me, to feel alone and uncared for.....
BH on the way up

The way your so open with your feelings, shows how in touch with yourself you are. Im pumped you joined us here, hope to get to know you better!!
It must feel good to get it out there. Theres many guys that will read and get chizuk from your amazing growth.

KOMT

Thank you to my special Brothers here for the Positive Boosts, it does the world for me! Today is Day 8....aiming for day 10 BeH this shabbos. Exausted beyond BH got past my last trigger yesterday without giving in to that withdrawel feeling....Please Hashem give me the strength I need to continue this everlasting battle...would love to one day share my back story and circumstances...1 day BeH.

Flying Soaring, heading straight up!
The winds may get turbulent trying to push me away from my goal...
But family is right there standing , flying behind me, next to me, holding my hand.
Saying don't give up. We've got your back. We are here for you.....
BH I'm growing and growing.... I know its normal to get lower sometimes...But my essence is different

I just posted a few hours ago 
but....
last night I had a SSA dream that almost led me to M...in my sleep ( Not sure if it was after or before one of my kids started crying hysterically that one of his siblings put a monster under his bed).... BH I woke up before anything happened....
AND I WAS ABLE TO CONTROL MYSELF ONCE I AWOKE UNTIL I CALMED DOWN (I even fell back asleep!).
This is a big victory for me BH, I am a new person.
As far as the dream is concerned....HHM once explained to me that this is the bodies way of trying to subconsciously use my unhealthy outlet....because it sees my conscious self is closing the door to it. BeH my subconscious will get on board with my new reality as time goes on.
For all those new to GYE and feel like there is no hope for themselves.....please get chizzuk from this....Ive been turning to p&m for 25 years....went through some really bad experiences....theres TRUE hope at the end BeH!
Today is day 9 Buddies, heading out Have an awesome shabbos!

Hit a curve...almost blew down...
started skydiving..
NO I got an extra burst of energy I didnt know I had....
And know Im higher then I was before....
perhaps I had that energy in me the whole time

Day 11 BH! Aiming for 15 BeH
Some slight wandering over shabbos but besides for that going strong BH

Question- I have this nervousness that Im going to fall eventually its only a matter of time....wanna break free from that mindset. Any ideas? Thanks

Climing high.....up the tallest mountain...seems to keep growing...
trying not to look down...
and who doesnt look down while climbing?