cheerfulswan42 wrote on 01 Jan 2025 05:01:

Because I made up my mind that I just don't do these things anymore.
Not that I'll fight and won't give in.
Its completely off the table.
Often, when an urge hits, I don't pay any attention to it, ignore it, and just go on with life.
But don't worry, I'm not perfect.
I fell and m'd last night.

I've been feeling pretty lonely the past few days.

But boruch Hashem I'm still pretty clean, and most of the time my brain isn't trying to send me to m to pacify. (I never consciously went to m to soothe, I would just have sudden intense urges to m when I needed soothing).

So I guess that's something to celebrate.

Didn't fall asleep last night until around 3:30, and got up at a normal time today.
I didn't shower earlier today because I was really tired and had a small urge and was afraid that I would slip up in the shower.
Now I don't feel any taavah at all, but now I'm too tired to be able to think straight enough to figure out if it's safe for me to go now or not.
Probably won't.