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From now until MYK

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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

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TOPIC: From now until MYK 1630 Views

Re: From now until MYK 04 Nov 2024 03:22 #424312

ki sorisa
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richtig wrote on 04 Nov 2024 03:04:

ki sorisa wrote on 04 Nov 2024 03:03:

….fell…

You are correct not sure why I refer to it as a fall. I actually stood at the edge of the cliff and thought about it long and hard how I am going to regret it and how much better by life was without it and as those thoughts raced back and forth I just jumped like a retard knowing good and well that I was lying to myself and that I would suffer.

Last Edit: 04 Nov 2024 03:26 by ki sorisa.

Re: From now until MYK 10 Nov 2024 05:43 #424732

ki sorisa
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Not been great since my walk off the cliff…also going through a big nisayon in a different area of life which leaves me feeling like hashem is punishing me for my acting out. Although I intellectually know it’s not true but thats how I feel and it feels horrible.
Want to just numb myself but know that I’ll only feel worse after. Lose lose situation. Sorrry for being so bleak. Like reading all the positivity here on this site now is just giving me a headache. Wishing I had the strength to rejoin and start again …maybe…

Re: From now until MYK 10 Nov 2024 05:56 #424734

rebakiva NOW ONLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 166 Karma: 10	Rooting for you brother here's a tear I feel {at least to the best of my ability} your pain with love Akiva
	Talking with someone, is not about getting advice, it's about frienship, accountability & distraction; Please feel free to contact me at 347-494-0430 {google voice} at any time or; PM me at mevakesh247@gmail.com Check out My story here: My strategy is to fight it with excitment ביחד ננצח

From now until whenever all that matters is now 10 Nov 2024 17:11 #424766

chosemyshem
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Posts: 690
Karma: 37

ki sorisa wrote on 10 Nov 2024 05:43:

The worst part of positivity is when it manages to make you feel better despite you hating it and wishing it would go away.

But I'll leave the chizuk to others (besides for noting that you need to update the thread title since you blew way past motzei yom kippur.)

I agree with you. It is a lose lose situation. Oy li m'yitzrei oy li m'yotzrei. Masturbate and feel like garbage or don't masturbate and feel pressure and pain.

And that's fine. You're allowed to feel pain, you're allowed to feel like Hashem is punishing you and you're allowed to resent that. Feel whatever you want. It's normal, and it's all fine.

But that doesn't mean you have to give in.

Links: TBOTG (and a peirush); F2F Program; Hall of Fame thread; Dov's 12 Step Workshop recordings; Welcome New Members; Muttel's Bochur Schmooze; The Easy-Peasy book; The Big Book (a pdf version) (and the White); Markz's compilation thread; Accountability relationships;
Me: My trip. Please feel free to reach out.
CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE VAAD PROJECT. HERE is an explanation of the Project.

Last Edit: 10 Nov 2024 17:34 by chosemyshem.

Re: From now until MYK 10 Nov 2024 18:20 #424771

youknowwho
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ki sorisa wrote on 10 Nov 2024 05:43:

Like reading all the positivity here on this site now is just giving me a headache.

Feel you. In fact, I always feel like it gives me a headache.

Yet, I try to stick it out. Hold my nose. Shove it down my throat, desperately hoping that it will eventually rub off on me.

REVERSE BRAINWASHING IS THE NAME OF THE GAME
REVERSE BRAINWASHING IS THE NAME OF THE GAME
REVERSE BRAINWASHING IS THE NAME OF THE GAME
REVERSE BRAINWASHING IS THE NAME OF THE GAME
REVERSE BRAINWASHING IS THE NAME OF THE GAME
REVERSE BRAINWASHING IS THE NAME OF THE GAME
REVERSE BRAINWASHING IS THE NAME OF THE GAME