Ive mentioned in another post how I was feeling unmotivated and uninterested in changing. I had a really unique experience that changed that perspective and wanted to share with the oilam to see what they thought. My feelings as of late while struggling with the desire to give in has been that all color had been sucked out of my world. I felt cold and dark with only the thrill of lust and desire to light up the night. Today I had an epiphany. Hashem gave me a break from it. I was able to take off the sunglasses for a few minutes and really feel. A warm life. The beauty of a hot, sticky day. My beautiful children, their angelic smiles and endless joy. I felt it all. Is my lack of feeling coming because of my desire for an unattainable high? Is Porn robbing me of the joy in my life with the false promise of streets paved with gold? Am I sacrificing living for a moment of pleasure?
Let me know rabbosai. I would love to hear. I am here to learn.

I'm glad you caught a glimpse.

I think all addictions rob one of life.

​When equating porn with joy and pleasure, that would degrade the real healthy feelings of joy and pleasure that life has to offer. We usually receive doses of the emptiness that porn leaves us with immediately after indulging, it just wears off.

Have you checked out the 12 steps?
I'm not super well versed in it, but I think they mention how addiction makes life unmanageable.

Hey! "Brights" my thing! Yeah there's a whole bright life out there waiting to be felt.... I remember Rabbi Noach Weinberg describing Pornagraphy as the counterfeit pleasure of life.

It's possible you're suffering from depression and using porn to self-medicate. It's also possible you're so lost in an addiction that it's eating your life. Or maybe your just feeling normal ups and downs.

Very unclear from just a post. Worth talking to someone about if you feel like it's a problem.

sammysmith wrote on 28 Aug 2024 01:09:

Hey, I somehow missed this thread...
I totally relate to what you describe... when I was still stuck in the mud, I also felt unmotivated in every area of life. My feelings were totally numb. Couldn't appreciate the real joys of life and life itself.
הקנאה והתאוה והכבוד מוציאין את האדם מן העולם, its as simple as that.

How are things? When you're ready, perhaps you'd like to share with us your story in more detail? It can help tremendously in so many ways...

Looking forward to hearing from you!