Hey everybody. I’m not such a big poster on the forum but I’m feeling a lot right now and I could really use some help from the ones going through exactly what I’m going through. I’ve been falling a lot lately and I just need to know… does it get easier? Everyone says it does and it will but I feel like everyday is the same challenges over and over. I’m not feeling a lack of emunah. Bh I have plenty. But I am struggling with staying away from p and m. I just don’t know how to do it. I feel like every piece of advice I hear just goes in one ear and out the other. Or maybe it works for a couple of days but then I am back to doing the same exact thing. I want more than anything in the world to be clean but as soon as I get put in the makom nisayon my motivation crumbles. I am most likely not starting to date for another year but I can’t fathom bringing this baggage with me into a marriage and it’s my greatest fear that I will. All I want is to be clean.
I need help. Any advice is appreciated. 
Thanks 
- from a yid who’s trying

BenHashemBH wrote on 22 Jul 2024 11:24:

Bro, it's hard to talk to someone who doesn't respond. . . 

The oilam here would love to help you as much as we can, but you have to also help yourself. 

What's your filter situation?

I have a pretty strong filter. The main way I see stuff is a workaround 

Thank you for the response 

To answer your question on this thread - yeah it'll get very likely easier. After you've been clean for a good while. Running on the hamster wheel of falling every couple days won't magically get easier.

A strong filter is a great first step. A solid second step would be closing that loophole, baby.

A fantastic third step would be reaching out to HHM (if you feel comfortable). 

Have you done the F2F program?

I haven’t completed it. Who is HHM?

I also didn’t know I had responses to earlier posts. I just looked at them and they are great suggestions. Thank you all very much! ODAAT!!!

Yeah these forums can definitely be confusing. HHM (Hashem Help Me, reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com) is one of the main mentors on the site (and a great guy to talk to). You can reach him via pm or by email.

ScottHarvath wrote on 06 Aug 2024 14:44:

Don't count on it.

I strongly suggest the TaPHSiC method. app.guardyoureyes.com/toolbox/tools/the-taphsic-method

Does it get easier?
No reb Scott, it does not.
On the contrary; the nature of this struggle is that failure can cause negative feelings such as despair and sadness, which can in turn lead to the familiar escape. its a vicious cycle.
real work has to be put in to break the cycle. Thats the 90 day idea. Supposedly that number is a point at which you plant new pathways in your brain. You reeducate yourself not to use the numbing agent you're used to.

Nathaniel branden, a reknowned (Jewish) phsychologist is quoted as saying 'no one is coming'. There's no magic that's gonna come and make things easy. You gotta put real work in yourself. (בלשון המשנה 'אם אין אני לי מי לי')
thompson has a nice post about this on his thread.

and yes, once you put in some work and break the habit, it does start to get easier. Ah... There's hope.
ODAAT

chosemyshem wrote on 06 Aug 2024 15:13:

His email is michelgelner@gmail.com
His has helped many, present company included.
Very worthwhile to reach out. Also very worth while to try reaching out to some of the great guys here on the forum. Many people have found it easier to deal with this struggle with friends.
I personally gained tremendously from HHM and from making some very close friends and mentors through this site!

Take the plunge!
Reach out!

Holy Brother, trying to get better is the first step and a very important step. The beginning is definitely the hardest as it requires breaking bad habits and cycles. כל התחלות קשות! Every fall should be used as an opportunity to examine and see what brought it about and fix it for next time.

To bring it to the next level, you need to fix those areas that have caused you to fall in the past, for example - get a full proof filter, if there's a time of day or week that's challenging, change up your schedule so that time or situation is no longer an issue. Get into the habit of "not looking" if something pops up in the street or on the screen that is provoking, start creating a habit of looking away - this one is a game changer by the way.

We're all rooting for you!

Hey,
       Comparing to day/week 1 it's way easier but its not easy. I was using porn and masterbation for 9yrs and now I'm at 200+ days clean with a streak of over 100 and its a whole new better and cleaner world.
First thing you gotta internalize is the tool of ODAAT "One Day At A Time". In case you don't know what that is I'll explain it how I look at it. 
    It's the idea that we don't have to worry about the future or even the past because we can't do anything about it, all we can do is something now, today. Once you realize that the challenge is only today and not tomorrow it makes the challenge a lot more feasible 
If you start to feel the Urges ask yourself/Hashem "Please just today, help me stay clean today!!" 
After a while you will realize that you've accumulated many days each individually.

Something to look forward to is how clean your mind feels after a while of not watching porn or actively trying to fantasies. It's so nice to not have to always have images pop-up in my head about things that are really disturbing. 

Of course all of this is a lot easier said than done but you've got this!!

Hope this helps

Thank you all so much for your help and advice! It means so much!

If the method of using the book The Battle of the Generation speaks to you, then it can get easier.  As you ingrain in yourself the perspective of being excited over what you are accomplishing, you are able to clarify in your mind what it is that your really want.  You are prepared to say no when those urges start up and they are nipped in the bud.  If the y"h does get  to you in a moment of weakness, you don't look back at yourself with disgust.  You pick yourself up, brush yourself off and resolve to use it as a learning experience.  



All of this makes it much easier to work on the struggle from an offensive view as opposed to a defensive view.  Instead of focusing on trying to repel the yetzer hara's attacks, you can focus on filling your day with small positive actions that you bring you closer to hashem.  As you learn to focus on this relationship- to feels hashems ahava towards you and to reciprocate with deep ahavas hashem- it will be much harder for the yetzer hara to sidetrack you into activities and actions that can only take you in a direction that is the opposite of where you now know that you want to go.  



wishing you much hatzlocha

vehkam