joetyh wrote on 17 Jan 2022 15:43:

no, as long as there was no penetration

“Tried everything”

Shmuel - has a struggle with porn.. he gets triggered and falls every now and then… he can’t seem to overcome this struggle.

Yehuda- a supportive friend.

This is a conversation that took place between shmuel and Yehuda..

shmuel- “I keep falling I’m so depressed I can’t do this anymore”

Yehuda- “it’s never too late keep trying”

Shmuel- “but I tried everything nothing seems to work”

Yehuda- “wow that must be so hard”

A couple hours later…

Shmuel- “I think I can do this..”

Yehuda- “wow! So nice what will you do differently”?!

Shmuel- “I’m gonna get a stronger filter”

Yehuda- “but this is your 6th time doing that.”

Shmuel- “yea but maybe this time it’ll work”

Yehuda - “if someone gave you 1 million dollars if you stop watching porn for the next 365 days… is that all you would put in place to make sure you don’t fall?”

Shmuel- speechless.

Yehuda- that’s how you know if a plan has a good chance… that’s how you know when you tried…

Shmuel- hmm…

Yehuda- is suffering from porn with all the misery for years worth less then 1 million dollars?

Shmuel- no, way more then a million.. the pain is so way more intense…

Yehuda- if for a million dollars you’d do a lot more then the above plan…to take someone out of the deep ocean to happy free person shouldn’t we Forsure do the same?

Lesson is -

Guys, you know when you tried- if you were to get 1 million dollars if this plan succeeds for 365 days.. would the plan just be a better filter?

Or…….

would it be a clear concise plan that blocks every trigger, every possible thing that can lead to a fall, a plan on how to be maintain a long term clarity and motivation why you wanna stay clean… a plan that could seem to work regardless of the mood your in that day! Regardless if it’s day 10 or 100 or 1000 or 10,000 

@trouble what do you mean?

Hey there, hope all is well. I live in Israel too and B"H there are lots of things to do here! Lots to explore, there are fun places, quiet ones and spiritual ones. I like to go to the Kosel once or twice a week during lunch, other days I just walk around. There is the Shuk, Tachana Rishona, tons of parks, lots to see in the old city and so on. There are also lots of kosher gyms, pools and even basketball in some areas. There is no shortage of things to do, get out there and experience what Yerushalayim has to offer!

I don't think it's because there isn't much to do, it's just easier to do nothing. 

If you are interested, feel free to reach out to me to chat, my email is in my signature.

Keep Shteiging!

joetyh wrote on 17 Jan 2022 20:24:

I think he meant that it depends on what your goals are...

joetyh wrote on 17 Jan 2022 20:24:

there are those of us here who have been engaged in these behaviors for years, dating back to our times in yeshivah (in sydney, or wherever). we knew it was wrong and against the torah, but we did it anyway. oh, did we klap hard and long on yom kippur (in melbourne, or wherever). the more assur it was, the more secretive it became. long story short - now that we are somewhat in recovery, the last thing we wanna hear or think about is that what we are doing is against the torah, halachah or god - that means nothing to us and is counterproductive. [those smarter than me (and there are many) can explain the pshycology involved in this.]

Hi Sleepy, I couldn't get through your whole post, already in the beginning I think you missed the entire point. 

There is no connection between an addict not focusing on the religious reasons to quit, and not having goals in life. 

An addict can have goals and accomplishments in many areas of avodas Hashem and often are far more successful than "regular guys" because they actually put in the work of becoming closer to Hashem. Addicts who work the 12 steps are often in a much better place in their Yiddishkeit than the average Yeshiva guy. 

It's in the addiction that they cannot feel controlled or forced by any outside source, everything has to come from within. Addicts don't have control, the only "self control" they know is "controlling life" by Drinking/smoking/watching etc. the whole idea of control is toxic.

When a person stays clean because it helps their lives be manageable, they can live life without feeling controlled. When someone fights in order to live the life that they want to live (which may be following a life of Torah, just not because the addiction is assur) while accepting that life may not always go the way they want, they can stay clean without trying to control or manipulate life. 

This may not be across the board, just an idea.

wow that is powerful

sleepy wrote on 18 Jan 2022 07:00:

"i would just ask Trouble what are his goals in life ,does he have an ambition to finish shas?no?why not? and if he does do daf yomi and has finished shas, does he have an ambition to really know it ?to review it?does he enjoy it ...."

Seems clear and specific to me who you were referring to.

And sorry for hijacking this thread, @Joetyh, please forgive me.

Sleepy, let's all be careful with not falling into the pit of other forums out there. There is no place for lashon hara, motzi shem ra, onoas dvarim etc here at GYE. We have to be very respectful of everyone who posts. Although styles may be different, everyone is trying to help. Being anonymous does not give us license to write everything we want, nor to make assumptions about each other. For the record, there are guys who post here who have finished shas b'iyun - the way they write may or may not reflect that - and that is their business exclusively. Hatzlocha to all.

aight thanks everyone!!! its cool seeing people with different views all trying to get to the same thing!!!! thats why GYE is great
you guys didnt hijack it at all. yall just tryna help 

we here on Day 1 i will bezh get to 2 days!!!

#DayByDay

I was just thinking what could I have done differently when I was younger not to have gotten into this. I can't point to a stupid decision I made that got me here. Why did I get into this? I was just a dumb stupid kid who was curious and now I'm here. Why?!?!?!?! If only I would have known that the little peak in the magazine to see some cute girls would send me here.... I would burnt those stupid magazines!!!!!! I never would've taken them to the bathroom so no-one should know... I never would've gone thru the trash cuz someone threw them out before I got to see....



Gosh, why did I do this to myself....



Why did my future wife (whenever Hashem decides is the right time) deserve this? 

Why did I deserve this?



But now I'm here and it's so so hard to get out (and stupid summer magazines aint the problem....)



I am going to get thru this 



I wish I can cry a little...  

 Dear joetyh, if you had yet another fall, don’t despair!
Trust that Hashem had much Nachas Ruach from your spiritual successes, but he wanted you to take it to the next level and therefore he gave you these pitfalls, even though he knew you would fall. What makes a person great is his ability to get back up, despite his falls. And davka by having to renew our determination from the ground up, we are rocketed into a much closer Kesher with Hashem than we ever had before!

Instead of getting down on ourselves after a fall, let us reflect back on how many times we did manage to say “no” to the Yetzer Hara before he won us over now! Let’s recall the many tens - if not hundreds - of times during the past clean-streak that we didn’t give in to him! You definitely have the upper hand in this war. He is determined to make us feel down so that we should continue to slip. But let us focus on the overall picture. Even though we may have lost a battle now, we are still winning the war. Let’s rejoice about our successes and get right back up for the next round, where B’Ezras Hashem, we will do even better!

thanks. bh i did not have a fall since yesterday but im just feeling pained