Fair points. If I look at images I will reset my 90 day streak as well hopefully that will be extra motivation not to look

Had a small hiccup. I was being careless and ended up bumping into something. Tore myself away after a few seconds bh. I will iyh write up a list of preacautions I will be mekabel, with consequences to be read daily. I am trying not to let this get me down. I knew better. BH I didn't fall.

My resolve is only stronger!

Don't let it get you down, Grant! It sounds like it was, as you wrote, a hiccup. Even though your post was about your own situation, by updating you are helping to keep all of us accountable to each other. Shkoiyach.

Sheva,
in the spirit of keeping each other accountable, I will post a quick update.
B"H I'm holding by 30 days on this current count. It is extremely hectic and stressful days, but I'm trying to go with the flow and accept Hashems will. I would have loved to post more often, but don't have the time for iitHatzlacha rabba everyone!

Grant400 wrote on 19 May 2021 23:05:

Yosef Hatzadik

Sorry guys
The new price is $156
I hope to somehow pay up my new debt. 
Obviously I am done with the challenge but best of luck to all

I think I saw that you do the knas of a taphsic only if you remembered it at the time when you act out. Is that the same for this challenge/ is it tolui in each individual?

Looking_to_improve wrote on 24 May 2021 21:17:

Me thinks no loopholes for this, otherwise it takes from the strength of the group resolve

Sorry everyone,.new price is $158.

I recommit to the challenge today.

It did help me immensely. It got me to 21 days and more importantly to start working a program, but the last few days I was lax... And it showed. 

One final note for those who are into surrender, I think it finally makes some sense to me. I'm not surrendering lust, I'm surrendering my "control" over lust, because I have none. I cannot control it and use it as I wish. When I buy that lie, it controls me, not the other way around. 

Thanks for listening and wish me good luck

HH, thanks for recommitting.

I am going through a stressful time in my life now, normally I would have "relaxed" with acting out, or at least with a movie or something. This challenge has helped me tremendously, especially the fact that it would cause the price to go up for everyone else.

I think we need to be more active and support each other in order for this challenge to be successful, or else it is not anymore different than any other chart or taphisc which hasn't helped everyone always.

I'm sorry if I'm not so active. I wish I would have more time in the day.

Hatzlacha on your journey forward.

lionking wrote on 25 May 2021 13:42:

What do you suggest? Regular posting on this thread? The email chain?

Oy! I fell! $160

Grant400 wrote on 25 May 2021 16:02:

I'll be honest. I needed that fall. I knew it was going to happen. It was only a matter of time. I am going to have to make huge changes. I know why I fell and I removed 99% of the cause at a high cost for me. (I cannot remove all because of business reasons.) I just can't afford the cost of continuing like this. B"H my falls now are negligible compared to many months ago, but I gotta rip myself out of this already.

Now I'll really honest. What I just wrote is a load of hogwash.

The problem is - I said this so many times before. I typed this too many times in the past. So what's gonna change?!? Every time I start fresh with a vengeance from the devastating lack of enjoyment from the act I craved, it eventually fades into nothingness. 

Will I just continue to parrot the words my brain wants to hear, without feeling it it the way my heart wants to feel? Continue to fool myself?

Why am I so foolish? Why do I still convince myself that my excuses work, when they are so flimsy I wouldn't trust them to hold a day old tuna fish sandwich?!?

Will I be on this site forever, still gleefully clicking "clean" for a while and then tearfully hit the "fall" button? Can I continue to "realize the issue...remove it...and expect change?

All the causes and all the excuses are c**p. The blame is on me. The onus cannot be placed on anyone/anything else. Will I continue to live like white trash in a trailer park? Will I lose control like a car in a blizzard? Is truth so foreign to me, I forget its name constantly? 

Oh! What to do?

Grant400... I have some questions that might help...

- Did you ever meet with anyone 'in-person' that might be able to help you with recovery?
- Did you ever try or considered joining a group for recovery? (like SMART or 12 step etc) 
- Did you create any strong fences that can prevent you from falling?
- Are you doing anything to build your general self-control, work on your "kedusha" and growing as a yid?
- Do you  keep davening to Hashem to help you overcome this nisayon?

Suggestion: Chazal tells us that when one davens for his friend, he will be answered first. Maybe try davening to Hashem to help all the members of the GYE community to overcome their challenge...

Please don't give up! 

Sorry to hear guys. Let's not give up, that's all the YH wants. If we fall we can always get back up with redoubled strength, change strategy and what not.
I've already said this before in my thread, so sorry for repeating but I think it's important.
When the Baal Shem Tov would hear a bad shmuah (i.e. A yid was mehallel Shabbes), he wouldn't just ignore it and think something like, "that'd never happen to me, I'm too heilig!" Instead he'd take it as a warning from Shomoyim, that maybe he needs to work on that too. In said case, he'd review Shabbes haloches.
That being the case, in order to avoid falling, I want to up my level of shemira in this area. If anyone would like to be my phone chat partner, please pm me (I'd be thankful!). I haven't spoken to anyone (by phone) in quite some time.