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Starting Again...
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Starting Again... 4290 Views

Re: Starting Again... 28 Dec 2020 00:16 #359888

  • mggsbms
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The gentech filter by default blocks any app that has a mature label, which includes 99.9% of all chatting apps. Believe me I've tried..them all.
Aka -  Mischadeish075

Re: Starting Again... 28 Dec 2020 00:33 #359891

  • Lou
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mggsbms wrote on 28 Dec 2020 00:16:
The gentech filter by default blocks any app that has a mature label, which includes 99.9% of all chatting apps. Believe me I've tried..them all.

Thank you very much! As I said BH I am fully filtered and this is not a daily struggle for me due to that. I just was seeking other ways to address the issue. Mostly as Grant said it is the same lust issue as everything else. But,it just has that extra part that makes it so enticing,endearing and DANGEROUS!

Re: Starting Again... 30 Dec 2020 08:04 #360151

  • Lou
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Have you ever been to a kids birthday party? It can be a 5,6,7,8 year old etc. The birthday boy/girl always feels sooo big! After all they are now 9 years old! We tend to humor them and reinforce this notion. This is a little bit how I feel on here now. I am all proud of my 9 day streak,yet that is literally just a kid around here. Now,this is not by any means my longest clean streak I have had in my life,but this is the first time I am doing it on here in a more official and real sense. I think I will still walk around as the proud,oblivious birthday boy,but just with a little bit of perspective that I am still just a kid. Just one disclaimer and I don't really think this applies to me. Sometimes the numbers are misleading and one persons 5 days are as chashuv as a different person's hundred days etc. But as I said I don't think that is the case with me.

Re: Starting Again... 30 Dec 2020 08:29 #360152

  • Lou
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I was reading around some of the literature on this site and I found something that was very eye opening to me. I am paraphrasing here and using this in a bit of  a different direction than the author might have meant.The person( I assume they are some sort of expert) wrote that sometimes the high that comes from seeking porn etc can be more from the notion of closing the door on the world and enveloping yourself in this fantasy world with no stress and real life problems.They called it the "bubble". This can sometimes be more of the high that is being sought after than the actual pleasure. What I will say now will sound strange but hear me out. I am wondering if I am using GYE as my new porn. Kosher porn maybe but porn. How so? Going on GYE for now is a secret that no one knows about. I come here and I chat with anonymous people that are not involved in my every day stresses. I can kinda let my hair down hair and not be judged.etc . It is my little secret world with a bunch of wonderful guys.Now, possibly even if so, it still is the correct thing as it is replacing the really negative behaviors.It is helping me in my battle with the yetzer hara. Or maybe my issue is the escape and if I work on that without this, I would be better off.I don't feel like I have been seeking a major escape but somehow what was written there did resonate with me. I don't know. Just food for thought for now.
Please feel free to share  ur 2 cents or maybe even a few dollars would be nice.

Re: Starting Again... 30 Dec 2020 08:39 #360153

  • Zedj
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Congrats on your BIG day 9! To many more!

You remind me of what it says in 'ethics of our fathers' .. loose translation "a old barrel with new wine, a new barrel with old wine"

Keep us inspired!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Starting Again... 30 Dec 2020 09:07 #360154

  • Looking_to_improve
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Lou wrote on 30 Dec 2020 08:29:
I was reading around some of the literature on this site and I found something that was very eye opening to me. I am paraphrasing here and using this in a bit of  a different direction than the author might have meant.The person( I assume they are some sort of expert) wrote that sometimes the high that comes from seeking porn etc can be more from the notion of closing the door on the world and enveloping yourself in this fantasy world with no stress and real life problems.They called it the "bubble". This can sometimes be more of the high that is being sought after than the actual pleasure. What I will say now will sound strange but hear me out. I am wondering if I am using GYE as my new porn. Kosher porn maybe but porn. How so? Going on GYE for now is a secret that no one knows about. I come here and I chat with anonymous people that are not involved in my every day stresses. I can kinda let my hair down hair and not be judged.etc . It is my little secret world with a bunch of wonderful guys.Now, possibly even if so, it still is the correct thing as it is replacing the really negative behaviors.It is helping me in my battle with the yetzer hara. Or maybe my issue is the escape and if I work on that without this, I would be better off.I don't feel like I have been seeking a major escape but somehow what was written there did resonate with me. I don't know. Just food for thought for now.
Please feel free to share  ur 2 cents or maybe even a few dollars would be nice.

Is this the article you are referring to: guardyoureyes.com/articles/tips-suggestions/item/understanding-triggers-in-pornography-recovery?category_id=16
I also saw it posted the other day, throught it was a very good read
Last Edit: 30 Dec 2020 09:08 by Looking_to_improve.

Re: Starting Again... 30 Dec 2020 13:42 #360165

  • Grant400
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Lou wrote on 30 Dec 2020 08:29:
I was reading around some of the literature on this site and I found something that was very eye opening to me. I am paraphrasing here and using this in a bit of  a different direction than the author might have meant.The person( I assume they are some sort of expert) wrote that sometimes the high that comes from seeking porn etc can be more from the notion of closing the door on the world and enveloping yourself in this fantasy world with no stress and real life problems.They called it the "bubble". This can sometimes be more of the high that is being sought after than the actual pleasure. What I will say now will sound strange but hear me out. I am wondering if I am using GYE as my new porn. Kosher porn maybe but porn. How so? Going on GYE for now is a secret that no one knows about. I come here and I chat with anonymous people that are not involved in my every day stresses. I can kinda let my hair down hair and not be judged.etc . It is my little secret world with a bunch of wonderful guys.Now, possibly even if so, it still is the correct thing as it is replacing the really negative behaviors.It is helping me in my battle with the yetzer hara. Or maybe my issue is the escape and if I work on that without this, I would be better off.I don't feel like I have been seeking a major escape but somehow what was written there did resonate with me. I don't know. Just food for thought for now.
Please feel free to share  ur 2 cents or maybe even a few dollars would be nice.

Very valid point. It's discussed around here quite often. I'm going to request R'HHM respond when he has a chance. He helped me when I was plagued by a similar question. 

Re: Starting Again... 30 Dec 2020 20:26 #360184

  • wilnevergiveup
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Lou wrote on 30 Dec 2020 08:29:
I was reading around some of the literature on this site and I found something that was very eye opening to me. I am paraphrasing here and using this in a bit of  a different direction than the author might have meant.The person( I assume they are some sort of expert) wrote that sometimes the high that comes from seeking porn etc can be more from the notion of closing the door on the world and enveloping yourself in this fantasy world with no stress and real life problems.They called it the "bubble". This can sometimes be more of the high that is being sought after than the actual pleasure. What I will say now will sound strange but hear me out. I am wondering if I am using GYE as my new porn. Kosher porn maybe but porn. How so? Going on GYE for now is a secret that no one knows about. I come here and I chat with anonymous people that are not involved in my every day stresses. I can kinda let my hair down hair and not be judged.etc . It is my little secret world with a bunch of wonderful guys.Now, possibly even if so, it still is the correct thing as it is replacing the really negative behaviors.It is helping me in my battle with the yetzer hara. Or maybe my issue is the escape and if I work on that without this, I would be better off.I don't feel like I have been seeking a major escape but somehow what was written there did resonate with me. I don't know. Just food for thought for now.
Please feel free to share  ur 2 cents or maybe even a few dollars would be nice.

If the answer is yes you have to ask yourself; is that a bad thing?

It depends on what you are hiding from. Many of us (myself included) go through this in one form or another, for me GYE helped me help myself and others but can also be an escape from real life. When I am bored it's a great place to hang out but when I find myself being taken away from other important things in my life (family, learning, etc.) then I know I am using it in an unhealthy way. 

Ideally we need to focus on filling the void with something real. The tried and true method is working on developing long term relationships, commitment, being part of something bigger than ourselves and giving to others. 

Yes, this topic has been debated many times, these are my two cents.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 31 Dec 2020 04:35 #360221

  • Lou
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You remind me of what it says in 'ethics of our fathers' .. loose translation "a old barrel with new wine, a new barrel with old wine"


Thank you! You have always been a great source of Chizuk for me
Last Edit: 31 Dec 2020 04:37 by Lou. Reason: Error

Re: Starting Again... 31 Dec 2020 04:36 #360222

  • Lou
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Is this the article you are referring to: guardyoureyes.com/articles/tips-suggestions/item/understanding-triggers-in-pornography-recovery?category_id=16I also saw it posted the other day, throught it was a very good read

Yes,it is. I was linked to it by a posting in one of the forums as well

Re: Starting Again... 31 Dec 2020 04:43 #360223

  • Lou
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Very valid point. It's discussed around here quite often. I'm going to request R'HHM respond when he has a chance. He helped me when I was plagued by a similar question.

Thank you for the validation! Really...
Sometimes I wonder if what I write here makes sense to anyone else. Glad to see that it does. At least sometimes.

Re: Starting Again... 31 Dec 2020 04:47 #360224

  • Lou
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 30 Dec 2020 20:26:

Lou wrote on 30 Dec 2020 08:29:
I was reading around some of the literature on this site and I found something that was very eye opening to me. I am paraphrasing here and using this in a bit of  a different direction than the author might have meant.The person( I assume they are some sort of expert) wrote that sometimes the high that comes from seeking porn etc can be more from the notion of closing the door on the world and enveloping yourself in this fantasy world with no stress and real life problems.They called it the "bubble". This can sometimes be more of the high that is being sought after than the actual pleasure. What I will say now will sound strange but hear me out. I am wondering if I am using GYE as my new porn. Kosher porn maybe but porn. How so? Going on GYE for now is a secret that no one knows about. I come here and I chat with anonymous people that are not involved in my every day stresses. I can kinda let my hair down hair and not be judged.etc . It is my little secret world with a bunch of wonderful guys.Now, possibly even if so, it still is the correct thing as it is replacing the really negative behaviors.It is helping me in my battle with the yetzer hara. Or maybe my issue is the escape and if I work on that without this, I would be better off.I don't feel like I have been seeking a major escape but somehow what was written there did resonate with me. I don't know. Just food for thought for now.
Please feel free to share  ur 2 cents or maybe even a few dollars would be nice.

If the answer is yes you have to ask yourself; is that a bad thing?

It depends on what you are hiding from. Many of us (myself included) go through this in one form or another, for me GYE helped me help myself and others but can also be an escape from real life. When I am bored it's a great place to hang out but when I find myself being taken away from other important things in my life (family, learning, etc.) then I know I am using it in an unhealthy way. 

Ideally we need to focus on filling the void with something real. The tried and true method is working on developing long term relationships, commitment, being part of something bigger than ourselves and giving to others. 

Yes, this topic has been debated many times, these are my two cents.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

Thank you for your response. I have been thinking along those lines. Even if I am using it as an escape here and there,overall it has been having a positive impact in my "real" life. I just have to be on guard that it shouldn't overtake any important parts of life. Certainly is easier to control my "urge"to go on GYE than it has been to control my other urges in the past.

Re: Starting Again... 01 Jan 2021 04:40 #360312

  • Lou
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I would like to mention something here. Possibly this is not applicable to all people. Possibly others will also disagree with this. I am mainly talking to myself,as usual. I think we have to realize that in this battle against the Yetzer hara there are some behaviors that are normal and some that are sickly. The normal behaviors may be assur and should be worked on but they are "normal" yetzer haras. I will give a mashal... When it comes to aveiros related to speech.It is normal for a frum person to be tempted and nichshal at times with saying lashon hara. It is not normal for that same person to use nivul peh (I mean real Nivul peh). He has to work on both issues but one issue is the struggle of a lifetime and is part of daily existence. The other is something that must be stopped immediately. The same is true with our inyan.There are some behaviors that are normal for a person to be tempted by and perhaps even nichshal once in a while( I am not giving examples so as not to give an impression that they are muttar,but think of scenarios that come up when in the supermarket,street etc). However,other behaviors are sick and not normal. Sitting with your pants down staring a (semi) nude behaima for your own pleasure is sickly. Other examples of that as well... Many of us are working on ridding ourselves of the sickly behaviors. It would be optimal if we can be perfect and rid ourselves of the normal behaviors as well.However,that may just be asking for too much and will just end up crashing.Shmiras einayim is not a new Nisayon. Klal Yisroel has been working on this for generations. You can't expect perfection.
Is there a nafka mina limaaseh for all of this? Really not,as we have to work on all of our nisyonos.  However,the main difference is with our attitude when we slip. If we slip with normal behaviors,realize that you are "normal"! It shouldn't lead you to give up and say I am already nichshal so might as well do the sickly abnormal behaviors. They are on a whole different level and can't be compared to each other.
Thank you for listening to my rant.

Re: Starting Again... 01 Jan 2021 05:03 #360315

  • YeshivaGuy
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Very Yesodosdik. Thank you!

Re: Starting Again... 03 Jan 2021 18:41 #360432

  • Lou
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BH, I just want to post a boring post saying that everything is going well with these Inyanim. Thank you Hashem!
My latest thought process is that my long term goal is clean forever. My short term goal is clean 90 days. My shorter term goal is just to be clean for more than a month. Most years I have been totally clean for approximately a month starting on some random Ellul day until after YK. So would be nice to beat that.
Thank you all for your chizuk either here or other threads that I have read.
Have a great day!
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