Wow! Stay "warm"!

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 08 Feb 2021 01:11:

You are awesome! You are a real part of the chevra here so thank you for updating us all!

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

HY613, been tryin' to reach you all day!

Your "10-day-clean-party" plans are fully underway...
Friday night Parshas Mishpatim will BEZH be a serious smash.

Anyone else care to join?

With serious party spirit from Grodno ~ IMG

If I make it tonight it will be my first totally clean week since October. I can't wait. I went out again last night and something felt off. I just wasn't able to feel comfortable around her. I'm not sure what it was...maybe just a crazy dose of general anxiety. Anyways, I thought that she was going to say no for sure and I was giving it to myself over the head. "What is wrong with me? Why can't I just connect to people? Why is it taking so long to find someone?" Then I heard back from the Shadchan that she wants to go out again. Praying that I do better this time, that I have clarity, and that I find the right one soon. 

Wishing you much luck! And looking forward to celebrate a week! 

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 09 Feb 2021 20:38:

While on a date, try not to think about how the date is going, what she will say after, what you will say after etc. Just be present on the date entirely. When she exits the car you have the liberty to start dissecting it. Overthinking on the date will handicap you being yourself, and you having a productive experience with the person you are dating. 

I'm happy to say that I made it to a week! Also, I went out again last night and I felt that I was able to just be chilled and be myself. Last night waiting for her answer was really tough. I started feeling some heavy attraction and it was a big test, but I did really well. 

Those are healthy feelings.

I made a deal with the holy Ish Migrodno that I would to my best to stay clean until Parshas Mishpatim. I kept my side of the deal. He said he's going to party hard if I succeed. To many more clean weeks to come!! L'chaim!

And holy smokes did I party.
One more week....
pleeeaaase?

With intoxication from Grodno ~ IMG

So sorry to let you guys down, especially IMG, but I messed up last night, and today. I was thinking about the girl I'm dating (it's nothing serious) and my thoughts got a little bit out of control...

Going through some fun times right now. Baruch Hashem I got to a point in dating that called for some honest, open conversation. The girl knew something was up with my family, and she wanted to discuss it. My Rebbi said that the time was ripe to discuss everything with her. So, in the restaurant, I told her a super condensed version of my life story. Family. Anxiety. Medications. Therapy. I feel that I gave it over very well. I was chilled and matter-of-fact and confident. She took it pretty well and asked me questions. Since then I have been under heavy investigation, in which I have to cooperate fully. They are calling everyone; my Rebbeim, doctor, and therapist. It's not pleasant, but I knew that this something that I would have to go through eventually, and it is encouraging that they are taking it seriously and not dismissing me of the cuff. I haven't been good with the masturbation though. It is really cool that marriage is a tiny bit more of a reality now, and I do feel pretty good about the prospect, whether it's this girl or someone else. My therapist said that I should start getting on my game more, to see if I'm up to the responsibility of marriage, and commitment, and going through my day even when things get tough. I made a new chavrusa in the morning before davening to give me a reason to get up. I'm also going to try doing first seder again, even though I have no chavrusa. Also, I just finished Maseches Gittin with Tosfos. It feels good getting back to a good schedule, but at the same time my voices are telling me that it's not me, and that I'm doomed to fail. I'm ok though. I'm ready to try...

Mazel tov on finishing Mesechta Gittein!
Hatzlocho with everything else.

Hatzlocha man
I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be under “investigation”...
Gkad ur feelin well and getting things together.
And Maareches gittin with Tosfos is a massiv accomplishment!

Mazel tov for your siyum!
Many more...
KUTGW