Great idea! First of all you will be relieved to hear that you are not a rasha or loser. And you will finally get that anxiety producing secret off your chest. Your rebbi has probably dealt with this numerous times.

HakolMilimala wrote on 02 Feb 2018 06:17:

Let me give you a personal example. I was working with a therapist about my relationship with my mother.
The therapist asked me: Why don’t you speak to her and voice your requests of her/ concerns about her current way of acting?
i said that I could technically do that and I think it would work but that there is something blocking me from doing that and I’m not sure what it is.
therapist asks me to think about it and try to define what could be blocking me
i closed my eyes and thought about it and suddenly a lightbulb hits
i say that since I know that if I do that, I will potentially repair our relationship, I don’t want to do that. I say that I am storing a lot of anger and resentment towards her and I feel like I will be rewarding her by repairing our relationship.

you can’t understand how powerful of a feeling that moment is unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
for years I had no clue why I wouldn’t just work on repairing the relationship. No clue. And the only problem was that I had never thought about it. Now this is something that is very hard to do on your own. You need someone asking you the right questions.

now, look at this example, it turned out that perhaps my mental hurdle was very well backed. It wasn’t for no reason.
but by speaking out and defining the true reason behind the mental hurdle, I was able to work on the root of things and begin to heal, begin to come to terms with some of the anger and resentment and begin to become more comfortable with the concept of repairing the relationship.

i think you can have a similar process when it comes to opening up.

and yes, I do think that even if the rebbe might not have the perfect responses, just the fact that you opened up will do wonders and set you on the right path.
i also think that once you open up to one person that you respect and care about your relationship , it will only steamroll into more healthy interactions like that.

it looks as if lifebound is getting more comfortable
way to go we are rooting for you

Dear Lifebound,
Perhaps you can start a private chat with someone here. You can spill everything you want to, NO ONE will know. You can tell or not tell whatever you want in a non threatening way. Even though it's a total stranger, just opening up will help.

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Yes. I think that that day will come iyh very soon. I’m praying for it. I think you’re having some self-fulfilling prophecy over here. You admit it’s only discomfort. So c’mon, you gotta give it a try. Obviously, opening up is not an end in it of itself, but I think it’s a very logical first step to getting things turned around. I know that after I speak to someone, I feel rejuvenated and motivated to change.

Sometimes, you just need some motivation. Step back and look at where you’re holding today. Is that really what you dreamed of when you were in teens? Is that where you imagined you’d be? Wouldn’t it of scared you? 

Well, I think it’s up to you to reclaim your life.
Don’t let it slip any further away. You can get to a much better place. It just might take a little sacrifice, discomfort and sweat. 

But its going to be SO worth it.
And YOU know that, right?

So hey, today’s the first day of the rest of your life. Let’s get going! 

Like tzomah said, you got a team rooting for you here.

HakolMilimala wrote on 04 Feb 2018 04:28:

look at sukkah daf nun gimel amud beis

tzomah wrote on 04 Feb 2018 13:34:

Looked it up, I'm not seeing the connection?

lifebound wrote on 04 Feb 2018 18:07:

sorry it's the top of amud aleph that a baal teshuvah is someone who uses his older age to fix what happened when he was younger
i thought it fit what hm was saying about what you thought would be in your teens etc.

oh ok I see it now, thanks

Welcome back! Never ever give up!

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guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/289575-Mishpacha-Magazine-Lifelines-Story-about-GYE#289575

guardyoureyes.com/media/kunena/attachments/3202/mishpachalifelines-doublelife-june12016.pdf

@Lifebound glad you found the article, but after reading your story sorry to be so blunt i feel you will need to take some more bold steps than just an article in Mishpacha to get sober and out of your depression like opening up to someone, (fellow GYE members could be a great 1st step)

As a fellow bachur in shidduchim i understand the pressures which you are going through, i was in a pretty similar situation to you but b'h i opened up to my rabbeim, keep in touch with fellow GYE members and went to therapy and now baruch hashem have been sober for 50 days and i'm feeling more confident and better as i'm going through the real tough parsha of shidduchim in fact i'm going on a date tonight (please daven for me that hashem should help and guide me through this real tough and emotional decision, and help me make the right decision) C'mon we are all rooting for you! feel free to reach out

 Lots of love Yankele (a fellow bachur your age with similar problems in life!!!!)

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