.

This wednesday i was sitting by my therapist's office after a very depressing week, were i felt extremely useless and very low about myself i looked at my therapist in the eye and i told him i can't anymore i'm about to hit 90 days clean a huge achievement for me so why do i feel so depressed. He sat there and he told me the way my thought process works which is always trying to judge myself and always beating myself up over every time i feel low or always busy judging my emotions or how do i feel what that is doing is just feeding my depression and low self esteem. And as such for beating myself up i end up feeling even more depressed so i feel even more like a zombie without the happiness the rest of the world seems to have. 
He told me here are the facts you are suffering from depression and by you getting upset at yourself and constantly beating yourself you are just feeding your depression.

The only way to live happy is to practice COMPASSION and ACCEPTANCE regardless of if my day went well or not you see Lifebound if i would be sitting and talking to you about how i feel worthless and zero connection to hashem etc i don't think you will start beating me up that I'm such a bad guy i think you will be full of compassion to me and tell me how even though hashem didn't make me feel an enjoyment for shabbos or davening etc, and i still keep shabbos usually make it to shul and you really want to feel a connection to hashem just hashem isn't sending me those feelings etc. why can't you be compassionate to yourself? And stop beating yourself up? And since thatsession I've been practicing not beating myself up and being compassionate to myself and so far i've been feeling much better 

Just some thoughts from my therapy session this Wednesday i hope they are helpful!

 Good Shabbos Love Yankel

iampowerless wrote on 23 Mar 2018 18:22:

Dear Yankel:
Very well said! Thanks for sharing this critically useful information for all of us who are struggling to recover or anyone who has embarked on a journey of self-improvement and spiritual growth!
I am truly inspired by your progress! Enjoyed chatting with you as well.

FYI , i heard that there is actually a live GYE (only frum guys) meeting in Lakewood in a private location.
I find the  "acceptance prayer" found on page 417 of the AA Big Book (4th Edition) 
"and acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today ect.. has helped me greatly. Let me know if you want me to E-mail to you. Wishing you a gr8 and sober Shabbos! and remember what comes after day 90.........is day 91 lol... 

.

Hi Aryeh Dovid thanks for the info i enjoyed chatting with you as well.

Dear Lifebound glad you found what i wrote helpful i just wanted to clarify one thing you wrote ''but currently I need to think less and do more!''
you see this in this line you are once again beating yourself up!  

One thing i realized throughout my recovery process is i can't control what i think. What goes on in my head and thoughts i can't change hashem made my brain think like that. I just have to be self aware that i'm a  human being and sadly far from perfect so the fact that my head is going in a direction of being negative, and beating myself up that's how hashem made me so instead of fighting a losing battle to try to get rid of my thought's i just ACCEPT whatever thought's hashem sent my way and then i practice COMPASSION to myself the same way i'll be compassionate of another jew who shares his struggles with me. Because i'm not less than a fellow jew just as i realize i won't be helpful to my fellow jew if i beat him up for thinking of things he so badly wishes not to thhink about, but rather the way to help him is by being compassionate i also won't grow from beating myself up about why my thought process did what it did!

Hope i made myself clearer you see this tools of practicing ACCEPTANCE and COMPASSION are not just for our actions but also for our unwanted thought's

 Love Yankel

very interesting! i heard a similiar thing from Rav Miller ztl when you are eating breakfast you are doing chesed with someone,with who ?with this jew (R`Miller pointed at himself when he said that) he said if you feed another jew are you doing chesed ?of course! so what difference does it  make if the jew happens to be yourself!Hatzlacha  and thanks for sharing!

someone wanted to say that the lowest karma s/o can get is a -6 but more than that (-7) it wont go because they dont want anybody to get too embarresed

I believe the record is -98. Are you humble enough?

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 25 Mar 2018 21:07:

Who was that??

he doesnt want anyone to know "mayrov  onvisanuso"-"due to his great humility"

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 25 Mar 2018 21:07:

i appreciate you telling me how much more i have to go ,i was feeling  a bit haughty  that i reached -10,but -98 was from the pre-legistlation days when there was no negative limit, but now i think the limit is -10 if someone presses  the - sign it goes from-10 to -9and so on...,anyway even i admit  i overstepped the boundries of thread highjacking ,sorry lifebound,have you tried reading the archives chizuk emails they are really powerful

ieeyc wrote on 26 Mar 2018 00:08:

Do you mean to say I have been hitting the wrong button a whole time? If Minus adds, then Plus would minus.
I'm a little out of the loop here.
ieeyc, did you choose to be the guinea pig to test how low the karma can go?!?

its a dirty job ,but somebodys gotta do it!