I just cant seem to stop acting out. I know that it is bad for me and i just can't stop. i go back and back again. I've tried the conference calls, ive tried the 12 steps with a partner. It just does not work for me. I am on meds and nothing helps. About 20 minutes ago i wanted to go on GYE but i got distracted and went on porn fell and got depressed and now im here. I fell 3 times in 24 hours. I feel so weak. Every girl that passes by i look and stare her from head to toe. last night i was driving down the block looking for a girl to look at. I found  stopped the car parked and followed her walked behind her and then in front to see her face and then crossed the street. I have 0 control over myself. I do not know what to do.

I think one major reason i fall, is because i feel ignored by everyone. Parents siblings and rabbis. They ask me for favors and i do it but i dont feel a relationship with them. my mom is constantly upset at me and she gets super stressed out so easily. She was picking me up at a bus station and i havent seen her for 2.5 months, a taxi parked in front of her and she started screaming her head off to get him to move and ignored me. It was nice of her to pick me up but thats the first thing i see. Come on!!

abieham wrote on 14 Aug 2017 19:00:

I believe therapy can help
Youll need a separate session for your Mom's taxi bashing conferences

Agree with Markz.

In general, lust is the symptom of other and deeper problems, it is not the problem itself.
As you found it.

A therapy can help to find these problems, the root of all the problems, and to find how to manage them.
The most difficult is to find a good therapist for you. 
I think a therapist specialized in addictions will be better to understand your problems.

Keep hope ! There is always an escape, it is in the most difficult moments that Hashem nearer you

Yesterday was very good felt productive. But today ,fulfilling a desire, i really wanted to go to the beach. I went back and forth looking at as many girls as possible. As i was walking I'm like this is absolutely crazy. Not for me...and i continued walking....This girl is wearing nothing!..She looks good. People even looked back at me. What a sight to be seen....I then got spotted by somebody i knew and i immediately left. I was to embarrassed and ashamed that i lowered myself to these madregia of these low-lives.
Its really crazy. I havent been to the beach in about 12 years. It is full of nothing. These people fill their brains with sunlight...I was thinking about it I wouldn't trust any of these people in business.They are too self-centered and have a life of nothingness. 
As I was on my way home I thought about my mistake and about tzenius....Shiviti Hashem Le'negdi Tamid. If a king was right next to you, you wouldn't be dressed that way at all..Aish.com spoke about the neshama and that in order to show the neshama we cover our body to minimize the distraction.
I am a bit scared of seeing that boy again.He lives in my neighborhood, Im embarrassed of what I did. It's not respectable for me to be there. Its a place full of people that are self-centered that the most important thing is to stare at the sun and make sure each inch is exposed to the sunlight and to men. 
I do NOT plan on going back to the beach. But i dont know why? Is it just because i feel guilty,ashamed. IT was fun to look...What do you guys think?

It kind of reminds me of the first feeling of embarrassment when we walk into the rooms in SA and meet someone we know.
Then we realize they are they for the same reason we are there.

Agree with GS. He was at the beach too!!!!

Wow, i feel a lot of resentment towards other people, to mask guilt and shame. I just find it funny you are calling them low lifes and what not when you are the one staring at them!!!! And why cant they just enjoy a day at the beach?

In any case, in my experience it hasnt helped me to judge others and to focus on other people. I need to focus on myself, no matter how much (or little) clothing someone is wearing. If i am lusting, then there is a problem with me. 

I may be sounding harsh right now but i am just trying to get my point out. I really do wish the best for you and i hope you find what you are looking for in God not all those girls