Hi there. 

There is a grey area that I would like to know the olam's advice about. Is there anything wrong with speaking to girls in general? 

I am not at the age or mindset to get married yet, I just want to know if interacting/schmoozing with girls is dangerous?  

I know in yeshiva it's a given that no one interacts with girls- IS IT REALLY BAD?

Dangerous has a negative connotation. A bas Yisroel is not dangerous. However she is off limits. And the act of socializing with her is fraught with danger. It is not a given specifically in yeshiva that boys and girls do not interact, it has been a given in most, if not all frum communities in klal Yisroel for the last thousands of years. Do yourself a giant favor and steer clear of spending time with girls, for your sake a nd for theirs.

Girls are more dangerous then ghosts. You better watch out! 

dms you're hilarious!!

chaimklein wrote on 10 Jul 2017 00:13:

ALL CAPS USUALLY IS A SHOUTING TONE, UNLESS YOURE FROM BARDSVILLE

WHY ARE YOU EXCITED?

Sounds like it bothers you a lot.
Can you explain why

I dont understand why in heavens name is so bad if done in a secure matzav. 

chaimklein wrote on 10 Jul 2017 03:07:

Again, why do you WANT to do it



Did you only chat about mundane stuff like sewing and sudoku

Not sewing but yeah

chaimklein wrote on 10 Jul 2017 03:18:

It's not easy having a convo on an anonymous forum, so I gotta guess you're saying you spoke lustfully with them girls
And now you want to just have friendly social watssap sewing conversations with girls and want to know what the problem is

If that's the case, I think you know the answer...

Hey whats up. 
My rebbe in high school showed me a teshuva from Rav Moshe Fienstein that it is assur. 
Also maybe read Dear Bachur: guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/dear-bachur?category_id=149
I think he brings the teshuva and talks about talking to girls in general. 

You can use this to your advantage.if you mess up and your mom wants to speak to you just tell her "I don't talk to girls".
Ya i know super corny but its 3:41 am

good luck

chaimklein wrote on 10 Jul 2017 03:18:

Chaim,

Why do you want to in the first place? I would want to speak to girls because they are sweet and cute and pretty and feminine and it feels nice to shmooze with them. Do you feel that way? Do you like to shmooze equally with ugly ones, or only ones you find pretty?

The reason it's not allowed is because it doesn't stay detached. Guys are naturally attracted to girls, and as you develop a relationship (or way before that) you may fantasize about her, masturbate about her, look at her in a desirous way.

All of those things are very serious issurim. Considering that girls today are Nidos because they've menstruated and never been to the mikvah, these are deoraisa issues. That's halahically why it's a bad idea.

Practically, you'll find yourself lusting and probably getting into trouble that may feel fun now but that will end up causing you problems and that you will regret. So why start?

Workingguy wrote on 10 Jul 2017 15:05:

Excellently said!

bear wrote on 10 Jul 2017 07:41:

do you know where the tshuvah is 
plus reb dovid orlofsky and reb menashe bleiwiess both have good shuirim on this although i prefer the latter

If anything takes you away from serving Hashem/ learning Torah (of course there are things that we do in order to give us energy, more chizuk in avodas Hashem/learning Torah), it is essentially not good. I think this fits there. If talking to a girl will help you do His mitzvos, i.e get married, save a life, do a chessed, then I think it is okay. "Sur me'ra v'aseh tov"!! 

Aryeh821 wrote on 11 Jul 2017 04:06:

Here is part of dear bachur e-book (page 14) that mentions the teshuva, and says where it is from. Also where can i find the two shiurim you mentioned? Thanks

here is the dear bachur part:

This

halachah is expressed in Mesechta Sanhedrin (75a) where the the Gemora states

the following:

"Rav Yehudah said in the name of Rav: There was as incident of a

certain man who put his eyes on a particular woman and became

obsessed with lovesickness. They came and asked the doctors, who said

that there is no hope for him until that woman has relations with him.

The Chachomim said, 'Let him die, but let her not have relations with

him.' They suggested, "Let her stand in front of him while undressed (to

perhaps appease his passion)." The Chachomim said, "Let him die, but let

her not stand in front of him undressed." They suggested again, "Let her

converse with him from behind a fence." The Chachomim said, "Let him

die, but let her not converse with him from behind a fence." That is the

end of the story. Then the Gemora brings a dispute as to the status of

this woman. One opinion is that she was a married woman. The second

opinion is that she was a single woman. The Gemora asks: If she was

married, we understand why he has to die rather than transgress, but if

she was unmarried, why does he need to die to avoid this transgression?

The Gemora offers two answers. Either to avoid the disgrace of the

family we will not let her have illicit relations with him, or else because

it could cause a breech in arayos, that other people will pretend that

they, too, are in danger of dying because of lovesickness.

It is important for us to understand the implications of this passage in

the Gemora. There is a vast difference whether this woman was married or

not. The prohibition to have relations with a married woman is giluy arayos.

There the halacha of yaiharag v'al ya'avor applies. If she was unmarried and

not a nidah, there would be an issur Torah to have relations, but it would not

fall under the category of giluy arayos. That is why the Gemora originally

said that it is understandable that he should have to give his life only if she

was married, because it is a case of arayos. If not, however, then the halacha

of yaiharag v'al ya'avor should not apply.



From this passage we see that not only actual relations, (giluy arayos),

require a person to give his life, but even lesser issurim such as those

suggested by the doctors, (aviz'reihu d'giluy arayos), require a person to give

his life.

Creating a platonic (friendly) relationship

Based on this Gemora, Hagaon R' Moshe Feinstein, zt"l paskened that it is

forbidden by the negative commandment of lo sikr'vu to have even a "friendly"

relationship between a boy and a girl. Some people are under the mistaken

impression that there is nothing actually wrong with having a "friend" of the

opposite gender. They think that as long as they are not alone (yichud) and don't

transgress any issurim, such as physical contact, there is nothing halachically

improper. Of course they will admit that for people on a higher madreiga it would

be better to refrain, but, they think, not everyone can be so holy. This issue is

discussed in a teshuva in sefer Igros Moshe [Even Ha'ezer part 4 teshuva # 60]. Rav

Moshe z'tl was asked about a youngster who had a girlfriend, and claimed that

since they were never alone in a secluded place there was nothing halachically

wrong. The bachur said that he was not interested in hearing any mussar, but only

strict halacha. Rav Feinstein proved from the above passage in the Gemora (and

from the accompanying rishonim) that anything which could bring to affection is

assur because of lo sikr'vu, including conversations which are for the purpose of

creating a relationship. That is why the Chachomim said that he would have to

give his life rather than have an intimate conversation from opposite sides of a

fence.

bear wrote on 13 Jul 2017 07:14:

thanks for the quote the reb dovid orlofsky shuir is here www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=4954
and the reb menashe bleiweiss one is here uniqueisraelitours.com/lectures/hashkafa-lectures/ under the title "girlfriends"