Hashem I am in a very dangerous state right now. I lost traction and my insanity says keep peeking here and there. HELP!!!!! I can't do nothing. I commit to the oilem not to act out for the next two hours. Hashem please please take away my lust. Help me accept Your will and do what You want me to do.
I want to live free!!!
I'll only check back in about 10 hours or more.
Don't take sips it's not worthwhile.

Hi Mike.
What helped me was, that i realized that my emotions and my actions are 2 different things. i am commited to act on my emotions, on the contrary, my actions need to be fully investigated by my brain, if it is fruitful to do the action. Recovery taught me, to separate actions and emotions. just take it one minute at a time. pick up the phone to someone else, do a chessed, these things helps me getting out of myself. Hashem is amazed by your willingness to be close to him, rather to the Yetzer hora. what an inspiration you are to me and to the whole Olem here.

mikestruggling wrote on 18 Dec 2017 11:47:

Hope to hear good news soon 

KOMTNMW

Mike 10 hours are up almost!
How did you hold up?

Keep your brights on and keep us posted!!!

thanks a lot guys
Hashem saved me once again. I read Dov's stuff how he writes "I don't deserve it" and stuff like that. One in a while I get that feeling. It happened last night. I made all the wrong moves and when I knew that any more and I would act out. I remembered I'm powerless and only then took some action. Baruch Hashem I'm "still in the game"
Markz tischadesh on the truck
tzadik212 I didn't really chap
mayan thanks sometimes it's easier to give out advice than to act I have to remember to practice what I preach
A git k'vittel

mikestruggling wrote on 20 Dec 2017 06:00:

Happy to hear all is well   

I agree 100% and I too need to work on practicing what I preach 

KOMTNMW

Markz wrote on 20 Dec 2017 01:16:

markz your truck doesn't even have brights (at least on a NativUSA filter)

#WATCHWHEREYOU'REGOING

I'll let my count speak for itself:cry:
Trying not to be too down
Not to be too afraid of what will happen 
Rely on Hashem
Build a better program
have a great sober Shabbos!!!!!!!!!

What count?

mikestruggling wrote on 22 Dec 2017 09:22:

Mike sorry to see/hear about your fall
just remember that your' 75+ days are yours forever

KOMTNMW

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 23 Dec 2017 16:44:

People say that all the time, "your days are still yours". I'm not sure what that means and frankly, I don't care. Who cares whose days they are? mine, GYE's, my mentor, my sponsor or SA? If anything it's Hashem's. But that makes no difference because that's all in the past.

What does make a difference is that I proved myself that it is possible to maintain sobriety. it's worthwhile it's happy joyous and free. additionally I picked up tools for the future. Nothing really changed except that now I have to go through the "phenomenon (spell-check) of craving" once again. I'm still in recovery and I still have all the tools I picked up. And I realize that Hashem loves me more than I can imagine.

As my sponsor said "you lost your sobriety not your recovery".

Having said that. no one should say "hey, I'll just act out and keep my recovery". your life can be exponentially more enjoyable if you are sober (that means real sobriety not abstinence ayin the white book). One of the guys in my SA group so eloquently (didn't need spell-check) put it "there is no bad situation in life which cannot be made worse by acting out"

KOT
A gitte vuch

mikestruggling wrote on 23 Dec 2017 20:42:

For a non addict it means the schar and effort are not lost
For an addict ....It probably don't matter

I know 2 things that "your days are still yours" means:
1) I think there are 2 things that every Jew want to accomplish here, one is recovery & the 2nd thing is reducing our bad actions even before we fully recover, so you had 75 days of not acting out, not doing sins & fighting the YH badly! Yes, these days are yours forever! Hashem is very happy with you!
2) these 75 days made you stronger, every time you fight your lust you get stronger, so don't feel like you aimed to remain sober forever & you failed, it's not very true, these 75 days brought you a lot closer to your goal, you will benefit of the things you accomplished in these days "forever".

Be matzliach!

For an addict the worst thing about acting out is the following week.

I can't afford a binge, especially not now my shvigger (add adjective please) is in town also I wanna live a little bit. However when the craving comes back it is so so so intense. not acting out is like trying not to blink my body instinct is to act out. What saves me in these situations is:
1. I know deep down it is not worthwhile to act out
2. I know I can't not act out myself
3. I know Hashem will take care of me
4. I know the pain is just a process i have to get through so im loi achshov aimosai
So I start off just by asking Hashem "please help me I can't" like 100 times or so each time can be the same wording or different. Eventually I get "the courage to do the things I can" and take some action. "...and the craving passes" 

Hatzlacha

Yesterday I made a mistake. It was decided that I can't walk a certain way at a certain time to Yeshiva due to a women who triggers me who stands there every day. Yesterday it was raining so my addict mind said I need to get the bus so I have to go that way. (Even though someone offered me a free taxi I would just have to wait for him two minutes, I am absolutely insane). Obviously, I looked for her saw her and had a horrible 24 hours lust-wise. 
Hashem help me surrender my will to walk that way.
Thanks for letting me share.
Keep On Trucking (but if it's better to walk then walk of course)
Have a great day!!