See my thread for an update 

But in short I have been trying to figure myself out....
Will update there soon

B'Hatzlacha

hi guys
long time no post i had a learning day today (as opposed to a bad day)
i was going through my choives BH i have the means to payback i just have to get around to it and YT is around the corner...
then this morning i got a parking ticket 100 nis nisht geferlich just add it to the list, right?
i am expecting to recieve money from bituach leumi and lo and behold in my mailbox there is a letter from bituach leumi wow Hashem loves me 
i opened it it read that i owe them money 
i'm grateful that i got a car for now and i'm grateful that live in israel
and it was gr8 for practice on my third step i am nothing but an actor in a grand play (its so easy to type it if only living it would be so easy...)
i'm grateful for a fellowship were i can share in and out of meetings and i'm grateful for GYE where i can post like this it really helps
Please Hashem take away my lust for today (now i just have to let go of lust simple right?)
hatzlacha rabba

hi guys
i just saw something fascinating its seems the gemara knew of the A programs (GA SA AA)
Gittin 35b the two bottom tosafos and the top of 36a bring three different nedarim people made one was "sheloi lesachek bakuvia" not to gamble (GA) another not to marry assur women (SA?) third one Rav Yosef (!) made a neder publicly (!) not to drink beer (AA)
ayin sham 
hatzlacha

hi guys
i'm now on my longest streak in a long time. i'm powerless as ever had i not made two phone calls today (so far) i would've acted out which is ridiculous because i don't want to act out. which is what makes this whole thing so confusing (baffling).
on rosh hashana i had in mind that i should use program to develop a closer connection to Hashem and stay away from aveiros.
i also had the whole oilam in mind
gmar chasima toiva

Thanks for having us all in mind in your tfilos. Never discount the awesome power of the davening of another yid. Especially a yid like yourself who understands our challenges, pain, and yearning to come clean.

Your subconscious mind is going to continue to push for acting out for some time. Your mind and body were trained to do so. Iyh as time progresses, the brain gets rewired and it gets easier. Meanwhile we feel like we are in chains (which really don't exist)  Keep staying in touch with those that are helpful to you. Continued hatzlocha.

mikestruggling wrote on 12 Jun 2017 20:09:

Hi Mike. I actually read through all 8 pages to see if anyone got around to addressing this question. Maybe I spaced out in the middle and missed it.  Then I saw this post
mikestruggling wrote on 12 Jul 2017 02:38:

I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out exactly what ODAAT means. There are a lot of posts from Dov and others about it, and my thoughts are still evolving. Right now, to me, one day at a time means that when we "didn't sleep a wink" and we think that "it'll killl ...1st seder tomorrow"  and "feel like there is no hope" odaat tells us that it's not our job to think about what will or won't kill first seder or if there is or isn't any hope. Hashem has a very big scoreboard and He doesn't need our help in planning the future. All we need to do, is what He asks of us. The right here and now. What will be later (and agav, what was before) is not our business. 
       I'm no velt novi but to the best of my knowledge (which may be lacking) I never saw any gemarah or pasuk that says we should worry about what will happen later.
      Is odaat easy? I don't think so. Perhaps another way to call it is Emuna b"Hashem. Not easy to master, but very important to begin.

Disclaimer: These are my own thoughts. You might agree or not, I happen to think that you are doing a great job. KOMTNMW.
sg

thanx sg i liked the post i find what you wrote to be true from experience. (not necessarily that ODAAT means that but it gives me serenity)
just putting out there that although i kept my sobriety count. i took actions of lust last night and this morning i believe that for GYE's policy i lost it. i listened to erotic phone sex and looked at porn pictures. Baruch Hashem i was saved from masturbation (which is on open Neis). i am powerless over lust and i have to discuss this with my sponsor to prevent it from recurring. i am commited today to not taking the train or bus to yeshiva i am not spiritually healthy enough to do that today.
hatzluche rabbe

Ouch! Sorry to hear things are rough. Your honesty is courageous and will help b'ezras Hashem in your recovery. It is incredible that you stayed away from masturbation. It shows that "it can be done". Whether you surrendered the lust to Hashem or you fought it, you didn't masturbate. So whichever mehalech worked for you - keep it up. You also work hard, you call people, you go to meetings, you are doing the steps. Obviously apply whatever is working to also keep yourself clean on the phone etc. You have BH come a very long way, and will iyh only continue heading in the right direction. Hatzlocha.

30 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought I wouldn't do it. I was wrong I did it.
I thought I couldn't do it. I was right I can't. Hashem can.
My life has improved I am more comfortable with myself in social scenes, I am available to help people I am happy I enjoy life.
There still is a long road to recovery and I'll be safe from acting out only when I am 6 feet under until then I'll just have to rely on Hashem and you guys and my home group.
Thank you everyone.
Hatzluche Rabbe

Mazel tov!

Hi everyone,
no good news today
i masturbated this morning after a stretch of 37 days
i feel like garbage or worse
i know what led up to this acting out my other computer is home and i know the password and i did not all anyone i thought i surrendered it but i did it in my head and not by actually calling a live person
based on my last stretch i understand that
1 it can be done
2 it's worthwhile
3 sobriety feels awesome
4 i am powerless over lust i can't even have a trigger at home without surrendering it
everyone out there have a gr8 moed
don't get too down that can be triggering
p.s. smile Hashem will help me pull out as long as i truly do what i can
"l'chol asher yikrauhu be'emes"

That must feel terrible. Please send me over some of your depression and disgust, i can really use it. It seems that the longer I am clean, the more I forget how bad it will be for me to act out. I'm sure you have plenty of extra of that feeling right now... 

At least you'll know that for the rest of the day, it will be easier for you to stay clean. and that's all that we have right now..

hi 
Bein Hazmanim need I say more?
This is gonna be a challenging week being that I'm home and my wife's at work
Gotta keep busy and away from trouble
i'm sure many are in the same predicament
hatzlacha

mikestruggling wrote on 15 Oct 2017 15:21:

"Sunday need I say more?
Erev YomTov need I say more?
Motze Yom Tov need I say more?
Deep Winter zman need I say more?
Bein Hazmanim need I say more?"

So I think you need to say more

Markz wrote on 15 Oct 2017 17:27:

you are right i need to say more
everyone is different the absolute worst time for me when i hit my bottom line of acting out was always bein hazmanim
when i have time and freedom (not real freedom you know)
you have an extremeley valid point that all those times and more are also very triggering