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It's all their fault (and that's the truth!)

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TOPIC: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 40444 Views

Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 28 Mar 2017 09:10 #309466

Singularity Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder To write, or not to write? Posts: 1507 Karma: 78	My wife should be able to wash a dish every time she runs from one screaming baby to the other while slipping on some day-old throw-up. That way, by the time I get home they should all be done, dried and neatly packed away. Not my fault if I get upset they're still dirty and I want supper.
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Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 28 Mar 2017 12:41 #309484

trouble OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 874 Karma: 224	GrowStrong wrote on 28 Mar 2017 12:09: 3 to the P 3 to the M #nochazaka Nothing beats a nice little kerfuffle with the wife to get in the way of a mitzvah but I waited until after Kedusha before skidaddling! Lesson learnt: taking the blame after being blamed doesn't always help. Stressful day today so it was expected. Don't forget: it's always her fault!
	i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble .... if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 28 Mar 2017 12:52 #309486

GrowStrong
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Trouble wrote on 28 Mar 2017 12:41:

GrowStrong wrote on 28 Mar 2017 12:09:

3 to the P 3 to the M #nochazaka
Nothing beats a nice little kerfuffle with the wife to get in the way of a mitzvah but I waited until after Kedusha before skidaddling!
Lesson learnt: taking the blame after being blamed doesn't always help.
Stressful day today so it was expected.

Don't forget: it's always her fault!

Where were you when I took the blame?

Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 28 Mar 2017 12:52 #309487

trouble
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Trouble wrote on 28 Mar 2017 12:41:

GrowStrong wrote on 28 Mar 2017 12:09:

Don't forget: it's always her fault!

A productive way of letting her know that is by saying: "honey, I know that when you are stressed in such a manner and you are not acting yourself, I should really be even more helpful than I usually am."

This way, you do not admit full guilt and even the small amount of culpability is also her fault.

In taking this kind of blame, it is a win, win, win.

i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 28 Mar 2017 13:01 #309489

GrowStrong
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Trouble wrote on 28 Mar 2017 12:52:

Trouble wrote on 28 Mar 2017 12:41:

GrowStrong wrote on 28 Mar 2017 12:09:

Don't forget: it's always her fault!

Will you be my sponsor?

Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 28 Mar 2017 14:24 #309497

Markz
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GrowStrong wrote on 28 Mar 2017 13:01:

Trouble wrote on 28 Mar 2017 12:52:

Trouble wrote on 28 Mar 2017 12:41:

GrowStrong wrote on 28 Mar 2017 12:09:

Don't forget: it's always her fault!

Will you be my sponsor?

Too late

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Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 04 Apr 2017 13:35 #310103

trouble
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As people (or whatever you call those from countries in the south below the equator, on the (so-called) other side of the world (which I am not even sure really exists)) have been taking my words out of context, or taking context out of my words (which would serve them right), I feel the need to explain myself and to clarify (or not) my position on "blame."

I never said that one has the RIGHT to blame others. What I did say (I think) is that one should not automatically blame himself when there are others who are clearly at fault, or even if it's not so clear, and even if it's only partially their fault. Let us not get caught up in depression. The world can be sick and it is populated by sick people. Our actions perhaps can be justified by looking around us. Heck, it's easier than changing ourselves; isn't it? Why choose a difficult path when the answer is clearly (or not so clearly) in front of us, and it is not a mirror, but rather, it's the other guy/gal/#aborigine (and, yes, I know that I just traveled across the ocean, but seriously, is there a difference between the two? I view those countries as nothing more but a haven for beach volleyball); so, as an option, playing the blame game can work at times, and isn't this site all about games that work (and that can include throne games as well)?

i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 04 Apr 2017 13:43 #310112

Workingguy
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Well I will say that my sponsor used to tell me, based on something from the big book, that we are well aware that other people have serious problems and we know that they have a role in our conflicts and issues.

BUT- the book says that we can only clean our side of the street so not sure what difference it makes. If it makes you better to say that SOME of it is their fault (and no, not all) but I'll take responsibility for my piece because what else can I do, nothing wrong with that if it works for you.

Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 04 Apr 2017 13:54 #310115

trouble
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Workingguy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:43:

Speaking of what works for me, porn does at times as well.

i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 04 Apr 2017 13:59 #310119

GrowStrong
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Trouble wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:35:

We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.’ ’

Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 04 Apr 2017 14:05 #310123

trouble
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GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:59:

Trouble wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:35:

Bravo!

My playbook.

i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 04 Apr 2017 14:12 #310125

cordnoy
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GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:59:

Trouble wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:35:

From the paragraphs I skip when reading the Big Book on my calls.
IMHO, it is completely counter productive for recovery.
Are there sick people? Yes.
Are they the cause of our problems? Usually not.
Who is? Us/me.

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Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 04 Apr 2017 14:27 #310131

GrowStrong
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cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 14:12:

GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:59:

Trouble wrote on 04 Apr 2017 13:35:

We don't all have the ability to hold no resentments and to never get hurt by our partners and friends actions.
We need to face the resentments and understand that while the root of the problem is us, and that while the majority of the resentments most likely come from FANCIED wrong-doings, ie that, that is not real, they like us are sick.
THEIR resentments, and inability to forgive or move on, is THEIR side of the street. Its not our side of the street.

"We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend."

By skipping out this section - you lose the importance of the fact that first and foremost it is ourselves that we need to show tolerance, pity and patience with. For they are like us. We are all spiritually sick.
The difference? The non-addict remains with the negative emotions and doesn't medicate it away. Or they medicate it, but without a need to increase the dosage or with the ability to stop as they choose.
The addict medicates it.
I will of course be happy to debate you at length on the phone the argument that there are ideas in the big book that are counter productive to recovery.

Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 04 Apr 2017 15:11 #310141

cordnoy
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I will listen; I will Probably not debate it.

I do not understand what you wrote.

Although others May be at fault, if it bothers Me, I need to work on what is wrong with me that I am affected.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

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Re: It's all their fault (and that's the truth!) 04 Apr 2017 15:16 #310142

GrowStrong Current streak: 2153 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder OMAAT Posts: 888 Karma: 89	cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 15:11: I will listen; I will Probably not debate it. I do not understand what you wrote. Although others May be at fault, if it bothers Me, I need to work on what is wrong with me that I am affected. Totally agree. With tolerance, pity and patience.