Caim wrote:

Can you think of any patterns leading to acting out? I know for myself there are 2 major ones:
1) Boredom. Sometimes I simply wanted to relax and not due do anything constructive. At some point racing games no longer cut it and it was off to the thrill and stimulation of porn. It just felt so good!
2) Being triggered from what I saw during the day. As I wrote on my first post on GYE, Motzei shabbos has been one of the most difficult times because of all the beautifully dressed women I was seeing on the streets over shabbos day. But it could really be anything, like seeing a pic of a supermodel on Yahoo news.
I've been focusing on strengthening my shmiras einayim and finding other outlets for boredom (such as GYE!).
I don't know if you can relate to any of these patterns, but I thought I'd share it as food for thought.

It's interesting that both of the causes ben torah wrote are mentioned clearly in chazal:
Boredom: בטלה מביאה לידי שעמום . and according to one pshat it means זנות.
Triggers during the day: אל יהרהר אדם בטומאה ביום שלא יבא לידי קרי בלילה.

Thank you very much Shlomo24, BenTorah.BaalHabayis, and Heiligeryid, I really appreciate your time to give me some good ideas and Chizuk.
Regarding learning how to recognize your triggers; I do know that when things don't go according to the plan I get quite anxious and irritable, which can lead me to fall. In addition many times I can also feel mixed up or lost which can also lead me to fall.
I am trying to work on making a set bed and wake up time which will help me make my day more structured, and meaningfull, which will be better for me. I hope to be able to stick to my schedule with consistency which is also very hard for me.

Caim wrote:
Youre also invited to join the good night unfiltered device calendar in my signature
For me, although it's tough, I manage to stick to it.
Whereas my sleep/wake time is still outa control - look what time hardcore cornography keeps me up till

Hatzlacha

I was having a hard morning today and woke up late. I was upset about waking up late and somehow ended up having a fall, which didn't make the situation much better. Hopefully I will start again and break free.

Until a fall we have to do everything to not let it happen, but afterwards we have to accept the past as something Hashem willed (for our growth) and then focus on what we could do next time to make sure it doesn't happen again.

All Hashem wants us to focus on is the next 5 mins, leave the rest up to Him.

heiligeryid wrote:

Indeed. I don't think I was mechadeish anything. Chaza"l understood the patters of human behaviors very well.
Another cause I notice triggers me to act out is when my wife & I are feeling tense with eachother. This makes me 1) feel more lonely which can make me want to act out, and 2) in a certain sense I will feel sometimes like I want to act out to spite her. I think I need to work harder on my Sholom Bayis!

Thank you BenTorah.BalHabayis, for sharing this idea. I can understand what you are saying, since when there is tension between me and my wife I am also more vulnerable to fall since I become very frustrated with the situation. However I do not think I do it to spite her, rather I feel lonely and distanced from her which causes me to feel very unstable and can make me fall. I also wish that I can work on my Shalom Bayis and really love my wife with love and not with lust.
In regarding my triggers I realized that when I am home alone and on the computer I am very vulnerable to fall. Therefore I would try not to use the computer with the low quality filter when I am home alone. I think this will be able to cut out a lot of trouble since I have fallen a lot of times when I am home alone on the computer.

Today B"H I am taking things clam and I'm trying to focus on today and not think about yesterday or tomorrow. Even though I am having a hard time not worrying about tomorrow or days to come. Since it is going to be a three weeks at least until my wife becomes mutar again which will be quite hard for me. However I will try to focus on staying sober for today and even for now and not care about what's going to happen or what had happened. B'ezras Hashem I hope to succeed for today. So far I am doing good and I thank Hashem for that.

Today B"H I am doing well. I did have some urges, and they passed B"H. However, I was wondering what is the best thing to tell myself during I am having these lust attacks, to prevent a fall. I try to daven to Hashem to help me pass the urge. What does it mean when we say that We should involve Hashem in our battles, and not battle ourselves. If someone could please help me understand this concept.

Caim wrote:

Great question. I'm not entirely sure myself what this "surrendering" business is, though it seems like some of the Veteran GYEers find this to be the only real long term solution. Read Dov quotes - a link can be found in Gibbor's signature.
Anyway, for now I tell myself to stop, take a few deep breaths and imagine like it's a wave I'm riding. It will peak but will eventually crash. These urges come and go, one wave at a time.

guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/219536-Welcome-New-Members!#219541

Caim wrote:

For me surrender means that I realize I can't fight this alone, if I try to fight lust I will lose indefinitely. Therefore I seek a power greater then myself to fight it for me. I can only let go and let god. He will take it away if he wants to, although my part is I have to seek him out first. If it's still not going away then maybe I wasn't sincere and I'll try again. If it went away and comes back then I surrender again. This is an example of what I might say: "God, I am powerless over lust, I am giving up (insert trigger) to you. I can not fight it, please take it away from me." Hope this helps.

Thank you BenTorah.BaalHabayis, markz, and Shlomo24, for helping me understand better the idea of surrendering our lust to Hashem. I also had another thought about surrendering our lust to Hashem. Every day before we put on our Tefilin we say the Leshaim Yichud and we ask Hashem to help us out with our lust and help us direct the lust and Lustfull Machshuvis in the right dierections for the good and not use our desires for the bad. I was thinking that while I was saying this small Tefilah, I was surrendering my lust over to Hashem to help me out with them, since I cannot fight this fight since I will lose the fight by myself.

Meanwhile I am holding out, and B"H holding by 5 days clean, and asking Hasem to help me further.

Caim wrote:


I believe that the translation of תאות ומחשבות לבנו means that we want the desire and thoughts of our heart to be directed to Hashem. I don't think we're talking about Lust at all. But by all means, turn it over to Hashem!