Hello to all !

A long time ago I was participating on this forum, I remained inactive for a long time, but now I feel the need to come back...
This addiction to lust doesn't let me go!

I don't manage to stay sober more than 25-35 days. After this period, I inevitably fall.
I had a good time during Elul and Tishrei with more than 40 days of sobriety, I took upon myself to do the Tapshic method with very good results B'H.
But after 3-4 weeks, after fighting like a lion to resist (thanks to Tapshic), I fall. And I fall since then again and again...

Here, I'm sober since 8 days, which is a feat, and I feel that it is stabilizing a bit.
I put a filter at work (well, what I could do because I don't have the rights to do many things on my PC), and I'm careful where I put my eyes. I stopped the Tapshic method because it became too difficult.
But I feel that I'm on a tightrope and I can fall at any time ... That I'm a "dry drunk" and the first bottle of lust will make me fell very fast.

I know that I have to work on me but I don't see how or where to begin.

I think that I have to work the 12 steps but how ?
My wife knows I have a few problems on the Internet, but I didn't tell her more, and frankly I can not tell her more or it will be a huge problem.
So I have to do it discretly, but how ?

I remark that I often feel sad, and first of all, I'm never satisfied of my days, of what I do at work or at home. I know that is is a big problem and a direct pathway to a fall, I am trying to convince me to be satisfied of my days every evening... but it works sparsely, and many times my brain is wanting lust to get the ride to satisfaction. Even I know this is a road to very very very little satisfaction and very very very big hell, but it is difficult to resist again and again and again.

Thank you for your help!

Welcome back David,

Sorry to hear about your disappointments. We all can relate to your situation - that's why we're here. There is no easy answer. I suggest you read the GYE handbook. It offers much chizzuk, clarity, and ideas. You need to find where you fit and what works for you. In the end, it's only Hashem that can help us. And He can help any and all of us, regardless of our situation. So why not get close to Him, and ask for His assistance. It's your best bet - and costs nothing - and has great potential for success.

Hatzlacha

MT

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!! WELCOME BACK!!!!!!!!!!

Have you heard of the concept one day at a time? Only concentrating on today?

Check out the GYE Handbook and Skep's tips

Thanks for your messages !!

I read many times the GYE Handbook, it provided me many inspiration, but I fell that I need more now, and I don't how to start.

Concentrating on a day is a very good solution, but I don't manage to apply it when the addiction is driving me crazy

David26fr wrote:


Same here. When the urge grabs hold, it's hard to apply any logical ideas. In fact, I have paid out over the years tens of thousands of dollars for tzedaka, and fasted many days, as these (expensive) vows were not strong enough to deter me from fullfilling my urge. So I learned the hard way that the best idea (for me at least) is to develop a lifestyle that keeps me far far away from lust. This includes not only avoiding all triggering sights, but also avoiding all triggering thoughts. Yes they constantly keep coming up, but so long as the focus is on ignoring them rather than indulging in them, there is hope that the urge will eventually subside without wreaking havoc.

Hatzlacha

MT

David26fr


I hear ya! Thats why you gotta practise when its lust hasn't come. Just during the course of your day say i am going to concentrate on one day at a time. I don't need to lust today! Then you will start developing that habit and when lust comes you can implement it!

My as well give it a shot, yea?

Welcome back!

My wife does not know as well.
I found a sponsor now and workin' the steps with him.
Before then, I did go to SA meetin's.

b'hatzlachah

Machshovo Tova wrote:


dms1234 wrote:



With your messages, I understand that the good behaviour isn't to wait that the lust is coming to begin his work : the work must begin before, when "the sea is calm and nothing is coming", and then to be ready when "the storm is here".
So, if I am used to make only a day at time, avoiding every form of lust, ignoring the little thoughts that are coming sometimes, I will be ready if there is an urge of lust !

I must admit that when there is no lust and all is calm, I tend very often to forget my addiction, and to let the time go : "forget it and don't think about it".
It could be a trap of the Yetzer I think, and when the urge is coming or the first bottle is drank, I am without weapons to resist and too weak.

"If you want peace, prepare for war", there is an adage like this.

There is another things that I have to work every day before an urge is coming ?

Cordnoy, I think that I have too to find a sponsor. I had a sponsor a time ago, but he is not reachable actually.
A french member of the french GYE website has contacted and he is a member of a 12 steps group in Paris, it could be a good opportunity for me, but how to keep it hidden of my wife ?

David26fr wrote:


The same way we hide the porn, chats, texts, emails, pics, etc.

There's a big distinction between being worried for lust and concerned about it.

cordnoy wrote:

I must say that I wasn't expecting this answer
But hiding the porn is easy : alone on my computer, I am pretending to work or anything else, but I am doing another things...
SA groups isn't so easy for me, because I have to be away from home, and I have to find a very good explanation for my wife about this !
Yes, my wife is a little parano...

dms1234 wrote:

Mmm, I am not sure that I understand well...
It is better to be concerned more than be worried ?

Well....expect the unexpected.

Bottom line....things that we wanna do, we figure it out.
don't rely on others to do it for you.

b'hatzlachah

Yes, worrying that lust is coming to attack us puts us on edge and it actually can cause us to fall (opposite effect) Concerned that we may fall is staying away from triggers etc and realized that lust could come at any point but this notion shouldn't rule over us causing us paranoia and stress. It really becomes a fact of life. That at any point lust could come and if we perpetuate it could come, and we if that happens we will take the appropriate measures like calling a friend.

That beings said, of course we have to constantly avoid triggers and i hope reach out!

Usually when people go on long streaks, they begin to get arrogant that they "beat" this thing ad its never coming back but unfortunately its with us with the rest of our lives! We just have to know what to do when it comes!

I think what i just said may be confusing but hopefully you get something out of it!

I was overwhelmed with work this week...
Fortunately, this helped me to stay sober and not to think at lust, even if thursday was a rude day.

I understand Cordnoy... I must do what must be done, the danger of lust is not content with half measures.

Ok dms1234, I understand better now.
To be concerned and not to be worried is a midos that I have to work on. To relay the difficulties and the fight to hachem.

And for the second point, I done this error many times.

It is difficult to admit that lust will live with us for the rest of our lives !
I just want to forget about it, and so on... but it is not possible.

May Hachem helps us all !
Gut Shabbos

David26fr wrote:


It may be inevitable that lust will live with us for the rest of our lives, but it doesn't have to stay in the same form. There are many forms that it can express itself in. some more difficult and some less difficut.