Thanks for everyone's support and welcome

I'm a few days clean because I have been keeping/kept busy and I have not found myself home alone ...

one day at a time - i need to stay busy and stay in touch with ppl here and on "the outside"

k'siva v'chasima tova, friends.

I made up in my mind not to keep my phone near me at night, which I did the last couple nights but this morning after my wife left I fell asleep but then woke up and looked at porn.
i can turn off the safari on my phone and I will but the problem is that i know the code - my wife has to change the code back...
Of course I had plans to go learn, but it did not happen.
was Listening briefly to a my set of shmuz dvd's on desire from rabbi shafier, but I am leaving the house now for the day Bli Neder.
I am a failure but am powerless over lust and even when I have plans to get out of the house to avoid it - it does not happen....

great filter....almost as good as mine.

Thanks for the honest share.

you might be powerless, like I am (once I allow it in, or if it seeps in...like it does at times), but you are not a failure.

That will be determined at the end of time, and not by you.

b'hatzlachah

There is a built in filter that you can activate under restrictions so you don't have to delete safari. Or you can delete safari and download K9

thx for the advice and chizuk guys -

for now, i deleted my netflix and removed safari bec. i just want to be constantly connected to the web anymore...

and i may add the filter also soon

That's awesome! I know it took great pushing from another user here before I put accountability software on my phone which was had been a huge stumbling block for me. Great work!

Shalom Chaverim -

Good updates, BH.

a) My phone is now free of Safari AND my friend now has my restrictions passcode so I cannot reinstall. Obviously, the YH will come at me in new ways, but this was a major move, in my mind.

b) I have been but now the real "work" begins. What should I do now/today to strengthen myself?

I will take it all day by day. (but what should I do each day ?? I do have some ideas ... stick to a routine, etc, etc.

-- I am meeting with my therapist on Thursday to discuss so any methods I can bring to the table are very much appreciated!!!

Hashgacha pratis story - I just "by accident" switched my username to my username from my wife's (Hers is unfiltered, mine is - Windows Family Safety)I was just trying to press task manager bec. my screen suddenly froze !!

Thx for your continued support and chizuk!

Check out the GYE Handbook and Skep's tips for some ideas.

How about reaching out to someone??? A therapist is GREAT! What about a mentor/sponsor from GYE. Maybe some guys here?

DMS - I believe I have some guys here that I chat with, etc. ... what else should I develop with guys ?

my therapist and I decided that I should try to install web chaver on my comp.
some questions about WCh, though:
a) will it catch me going on proxy websites?
b) will it mess up my computer (for other users)
c) can I install on 2 devices (laptop and a tablet) under the same account or do I have to pay for it twice?

BH I am clean today.

thx.

Just start making friends!

last night - came home from work before heading out to a class and needed to shower - had in mind to comfort myself but didn't really happen. then i used my phone's amtrak app to get to twitter where i looked at stuff (i don't mind sharing exactly what i looked at, but i don't want to trigger anyone.)
then i deleted the amtrak app off the phone and went to class. teacher asked why i was 10 mins late and i had no answer (i wasn't going to say what i was doing ...
but seriously, im not happy - i was a week or so clean.
- afterwards, i texted my friend and updated him what i did.
- i should have reached out to someone ...
i'm home now learning
have a good day everybody.

SNAFU ("Situation Normal...and a very apropos et cetera, et cetera...")

Lots of people are ready to try a trick to stay clean, put up a geder to stop, or even resort to some extreme measure to try to control themselves...and they rarely work in the long term...probably never, if the person is actually an addict.

But none of those efforts come close to helping us learn how to live life on a different basis - real actions that develop our sanity rather than just pretend we can actually control insanity.

If you are an addict like I am, then masturbating yourself isn't just bad - it's crazy and dangerous. And then even though using porn and fantasy is sweet, it is just as stupid as masturbating - because it will make us need to masturbate anyway.

But truly giving it up (even for one day) is scary, no? Way scary. So instead of giving it up (surrendering it), we opt for a gimmick to help us 'fight it' for the day...to 'control ourselves' for the day. Gevalt. It's just Situation Normal (SN)...so we will naturally end up with what the end (AFU) part stands for, too.

So...I'd like to ask you, chaver: is it still essentially 'Situation Normal' for you but just with a few new tricks - or do you feel you are really making changes and turning a good corner?

can't help but smile at the snafu lashon

have to think about ur words. thanks for writing.

me too, amigo

whatapp on my phone lead me to twitter which lead me to p*** pics.
i texted a guy from GYE beforehand but i sort of ignored him afterwards.
is that a step in right direction?

i guess i have to delete whatsapp

gotta daven now