I feel lustful today. I feel like acting out. I feel the lust creeping in and I don't know if I can stay sober with this feeling.

I called someone. He said something along the lines of "who cares how you feel, just don't act out."

I'm cutting out a lot of what he said, but he's certainly right that I can't expect to feel good all the time. I can't say "well, I'll work the program only when I feel good."

If I can stay sober today then I've had a good day, even if it hurts right now.

Meh...

Dr.Watson wrote:


Great post there and even better attitude.

Once and if you are havin' a chance to think, then say, "Who cares how you feel? you can actually even feel better for the moment by focusin' on the correct thing for this moment."

That really feels good!

b'hatzlachah

Something I can always use another reminder of!!

Thanks for sharing (and for being a pest today!! )!!

Not sure if the 'pest' line was to you, doc, or to me?

I'm assumin' it was you, for I was a pest yesterday, not today.

There's enough for both of you

doctor! I love you and ybc. But I love you more! Keep on sharing feelings and music and never stop pestering Yankel.

I hope you feel. Better

I've left lust creeping in for the last few days. I've had a few resentments, memories from my past and some plain old urges. It reached a very high level today and I had some crazy thoughts.

The main thing that stopped me today was the thought that if I relapse today, I'll just have to get to this point at a later time and the situation will be exactly the same, it won't be any easier.

At one point I was sat at my desk and my mind went off down a side road and I got up to go to the bathroom and masturbate. That literally was the reason I got up. B"H I had my phone in my pocket and I made a call, spelling out exactly what my thoughts were and it helped for a while.

A few hours later the feeling was back and I made another call to let it out. This time I felt much better and can feel the lust slipping away for now. B"H.

A few hours ago I was annoyed at myself and ashamed for the slipping that I'd done, but in truth, right now I am overwhelmed with simcha that I'm still sober. It is a miracle. I could not have stayed sober through this.

dear doc,
your experience reminds me of the great reb amram, who when confronted by a great lust screamed in public " a fire is burning". i sure you know the story.
it goes to show that sometimes there is very little we can do about the build up of lust. and it is frustrating. but your calls saved the day. kol hakavoid.
keep up the great work. it is encouraging to me.

GEVALDIG DOC!!!

thats really amazing to see how using the system really is a life saver,

KOMT and KUTGW!!!

As it says in the whitebook (and this is an answer to those who say, "why should I call someone? What will he tell me that I do not already know?):

Whenever I felt some experience, image, memory, or thought was controlling me, as was often the case, I would bring it to the light, talking it out with another program person. Get the air and sunlight on it. Lust hates the light and flees from it; it loves the dark secret recesses of my being. And once I let it lodge there, it's like a fungus and starts flourishing-the athlete's foot of the soul. But as soon as I bring it to the light, exposing it to another recovering sexaholic, the power it has over me is broken. Light kills lust. I did this with specific experiences, not in generalities. Sometimes it meant imposing on a person's time, but it cleaned me out and kept me sober. Every time I talked it out in surrender, the power of that memory or experience was broken. Another new and powerful breakthrough.

As R' Dov has mentioned many times, this idea is also mentioned in the "Tzetel Koton" (# 13) of the Rebbe R' Elimelech from Lizhensk zt"l - That one must constantly speak out to a mentor or a trusted friend about all his lustful thoughts, for by bringing it out into the open it breaks the power of the evil inclination so that it will not be able to overpower him next time, besides the fact that he may receive some good advice from his friend.

Hatzlacha

MT

cordnoy wrote:
Great line!

"Horaini Hashem darkecho un'chaini beorach mishor"

It's easy to think that we only need directions when we're going a complicated route. In fact we need even more direction on how to get down a straight path.

For example, how much lust can I enjoy without consequences? None. Simple as that. The path ahead of me is straight. But I still want to see just how off-road I can go and still get to the end of the path.

Why? It's so much easier and safer just to stick to the road, everybody knows that. Yeah, but my ego tells me it's much more geshmak to get to the end of the path my way. I might fail but at least I'd have done it my way. well hurray.

But in truth there is only one way to get down a straight path. Only I need to be guided along it.

I was reflecting on this on the way to a meeting and I realised the reason why I need so much guidance along a straight path is because the path might be straight, but I am crooked.