Dr.Watson wrote:

What I was hinting at is that the seforim say that a person who does not guard his eyes can see keri even a couple weeks later as a result even though he may have long "forgotten" about it. Apparently, it is still in the subconscious. But who knows, it's just a suggestion. :shrug emoticon:

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The other issue you posted about seems to be an issue of self-pity. I know the feeling well . I had the thought many times, "Why Hashem couldn't you have just made x,y,z muttar? Then I'd be happy and everything would be ok. Why did you have to make it so hard. Why, why, why?"

I had a bit of a turning point by trying to internalize that Hashem is not a bully withholding pleasures from me. He wants me to have the greatest pleasure, and that is the relationship with my wife. The reason he doesn't want me looking at porn is not so he can deny me pleasure. It's because he wants me to have FAR GREATER PLEASURE. Hashem gives us exactly what we need. Everything he does is tailor made for me to get the maximum. When I ask why, I am putting myself in the driver's seat. I need to take a back seat and let Hashem do the driving. He is a much better driver . Once we let go and "let" Hashem drive (even a little bit), things get much better.

I have to go. I'm not sure if I was so clear... but there is always tomorrow.

What's 'TV'?

Tohu Va'vohu

oh.
I always thought it was torah v'yirah

Hi guys, it's been a long time since I updated so I thought I would. I'm on day 10 right now and I feel great. I haven't peeked or cheated or fantasised or anything these last 10 days, nor did I have any urges to. I've been focussing more on doing one day at a time, and I think it's better than trying desperately to get to day x or y.

So thank You Hashem for getting me this far, please continue to give me what I need to get further.


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are we supposed to do the hiding thing too?

Just my two pence, (about 12 agurot, a little less since the pound is down)

I am actually having a hard time with that myself; My wife would like to go to the zoo here in Yerushalayim, it's bein hazmanim and it will be full of young yiddishe heimishe ehrliche vablach. I don't know what to do, I have been trying to avoid going out too much to places that i know will be overwhelming, I won't even go to the Kosel since I had such a hard time last time i went.

Just to make this clear beforehand, You are doing great no matter what anybody will tell you. Simple equation, before would you even have thought about whether or not what you did was ok? from what you wrote in other posts you probably would have gone straight to "why can't she be like that?", no? אלא מאי you're on the right track, that's a BIG way from where we were a few months ago!!

That being said,

DR.Watson wrote:


I think you answered it yourself, you could've had more shemiras einayim, is it the end of the world? no. can't be worse than a fall, which we say fell schmell, saw hee haw!! just try making it better next time (and I think looking around is natural, even if there are no lust things around)

the ikkur is KOT!!!! KOMT!!!!

maybe the pound will go up now!

I'm glad to hear you are doing well.

It is a very difficult balance. I've had the same question many times. The family needs to go away, BUT there may be things that are triggering there.

So, I have to try my best to choose places and times that are more "kosher". Places that are relatively more tzniyus. It's not fair to my wife and kids to be a hermit, and I need to get out a bit too.

I do have red lines though. I will not go to an amusement park even though I LOVE roller coasters. Ooh, maybe we can start a roller coaster thread . A hike, a park or the zoo is not as bad (e/t though the animals are dressed like adam and chava before the chet ).

As far as the wife and her feelings. I have had the same conversation with my wife many times. I try as much as possible to reassure her that "I" find her attractive. But yes, that is another reason to avoid those triggering places. Many women are very self-conscious about their looks as it is, and being married to an addict makes it even more difficult for them, especially when walking around and seeing other attractive women.

keep up the good work

if you suggested the place, youd be more at fault

if she did, you can mention that it might be an issue there

someone mentioned before about viewing porn with their wife

can she then say, "hey, they are prettier than me!"?

obviously, the torah wants all men, and especially us, to avoid such places, but if youre in such a situation, do your best.

main thing: hatzlachah with the wife and enjoy

Pidaini wrote:

I second that. The fact that you're thinking about means you are making progress.

gibbor120 wrote:

While I'm not married so the question wasn't really directed at me, I wanted to share a recent experience. Recently, I went with my family to a park for the day. We did some walking along a stream in really warm weather.... B"H I managed to look down or away as we passed most of the people. However, eventually we arrived at a waterfall where there was large gathering with even more people and even less cloths. The younger kids weren't up to walking much more so some of us were pushing to stop there for a dip and then head back. I said to myself, no way can I handle this. So I ran ahead and found that literally another minute down the trail is a nicer waterfall with almost no-one there. So we moved there and I breathed a sigh of relief.

So even a nice park can be dangerous. But yeah it's nothing like an amusement park. I don't understand how schools can send kids on graduations trips to amusement parks at this time of year.

Hatlacha,
NeedToQuit

Hey, Keep Up The Good Wok, Doc!

Got bad news I'm afraid. I had a terrible day yesterday. I started cheating and before I knew where I was I had started masturbating. I didn't finish off so I wasn't going to count it as a breach of my taphsic neder even though some sh''z came out. However, I spent the rest of the day struggling with urges. It was a constant fight between feeling like just doing it and the desire deep down to stay clean. Well, cleanish. Eventually I gave in and had a fall, so I definitely need to say tehillim as per my neder. However, with your permission, I'm going to call it one (albeit extended) fall, so I will say tehillim only once for yesterday.

Today has been slightly better but I am being plagued with the urge to 'cheat' again. So far I have not masturbated but the urge is very strong. I did look at some more pictures today and it has to stop. I was considering using taphsic for this kind of 'cheating' but have been reluctant. But, for the rest of the day I commit to saying one perek of tehillim for every naked picture I see, which will hopefully be none.

I want to make this a bit positive, so here goes:
1) I fell after 17 days during which time I didn't even cheat. In fact I felt very good, very clean.
2) I fell to pictures only, I didn't watch any porn videos.
3) I fell after having struggled with the urge for many hours. I didn't just give in. In fact I stopped myself in the middle a few times, which is very difficult. My problem with this is that it means I started a few times in one day as well, so it's only half a positive.
4) I am determined not to fall today. If I can keep clean until after shabbos, I will have gone 3 clean days and then any fall after that I would consider a new fall, not an extended fall. This would be an improvement from when I used to fall and I would stay fallen for about a week before getting up.
5) I am going to try and draw the line closer to where Hashem wants. I used to be focused on not watching porn videos or masturbating, seeing pictures was to be avoided but was not a fall in my eyes. Well that's still true to an extent but I want to switch my focus to not even peeking at any such thing. Peeking is not OK.

Thanks guys for being in this struggle with me. It helps to know I'm not alone.

I admire your attitude. You just pick yourself up and KOMT!

Yup, your attitude is greatly inspiring!! Fell Schmell, it's NOW, It's Today.

About an hour ago I was outside, and lokked too much, and I stamoed my foot and screamed "DARN!!" (so now you know who I am if you were by Shefa Shuk at like 8:45). But I remembered what I had written about This moment and how this is where I was supposed to be. and I had this picture of Hashem literally putting the finishing touches on me, and placing me there, with a bunch of programming, "hmm, let's make this guy with a little more lust already in him, he could get over it". and I felt as if my "game" started then, just in middle of a level. (It helped take away the "well I slipped anyway, might as well slip some more")

Ehhh, what's up doc? [munch munch munch]

KOT KOMT

we're all with you

welcome back Doc

I was actually thinkin of starting a Sherlock topic post with the first one sayin, "Has anyone heard from the Doc lately?"
We missed you.

Is there anything you can do when the urge comes upon you? Some make calls; some write a letter; some jog and some learn, etc.

Whatever, keep up the positive attitude, and may God be with you!

and Doc, check out what Zemiros wrote b'sheim Gibbor here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/214619-Gibbors-Insights#214632