peloni almoni wrote on 03 May 2016 03:47:


My thoughts exactly!

I just read a post (I think from ina) about learning from falls about times or situations when we are likely to be blindsided by lust attacks.  I don't know if people who fell were "taken by surprise" or not, but I sure was.  Not on Chol Hamoed itself - I was too busy, and around people most of the time.  But afterwards, I was hit by an 18 Wheeler, and not one of the friendly kind from GYE.  It's not so much an action strategy, but maybe expecting the stupid and bracing myself for it will help me next time. 

thanks613 wrote on 05 May 2016 03:06:

just so we are clear, i meant "except" the stupid smiley faces. i did not like either of them.

wantoimprove wrote on 12 Apr 2016 20:09:

I have become sensitive to individual differences in recovery, and especially here on the forum. This is almost anathema for me as a frum person because don't we stand for Absolute Truth?! Well, it turns out that in a certain way we really don't. Chassidishe sforim/tzaddikim refer to this as 'al derech avodah', meaning on the practical side of things putting these Ultimate truths into action requires awareness and acceptance of individual differences.

So along those lines, in hopes of being helpful, here's some annoying, unasked-for, pain-in-the-buttocks feedback:

1- You certainly mean well and sound very encouraging, but: How do you know that this guy can decide not to act out? Do you know his history? He has been around here for a long time and been on the GYE merry-go-round many times. Why should anyone be eager to sell him another ticket on just cuz it sounds nice and good to get on the ride? It's very sad for me to see dogma being reloaded onto people who have no grip on certain basic things. 

Better help them get the basics...and 'controlling the yetzer hora' is probably way above all the basics he needs. Ratcheting back to the basics is always very uncomfortable for us well-meaning, frum people. Very uncomfortable. 

2- Moving and starting a 'new life' is usually the very worst thing for a person with a severe drug habit, drinking habit, porn fantasy and sex (masturbation) habit. The instability of it almost always succeeds in keeping them clean for a while because they are sweeping the dirty plans they have under the rug of life...getting healthy becomes their LAST priority cuz they have so very much to do.

Later the entire under-carpet structure will definitely slip out again in all it's glory and ruin whatever lives they have built for themselves there. This happens over and over and over. I have seen it many times. And one of the weaknesses of GYE is that a person goes through a geographic or other upheaval (like moving, getting married, getting the flu, starting to post on the forum, taking a sh'vuah, experiencing a great Elul, etc.) and lo and behold they post something like, "Woww! Baruch Hashem yom yom, I have been clean ever since _______ (fill in the magical blank here) happened. I am going to be eternally grateful for this!"

Of course, the problem is that we never hear from most of these folks a few months later when their old habit returns. Often, they attribute the return of their 'problem' to a new event occurring then...(Mother drove me crazy, new super-pretty girl at work, job not going well, etc, etc) but I believe it is really just the fact that they never changed that is at work here. They only had what AA's call 'the geographic cure' in the first place. Yet, even though they are only posting with a fake name, they are still too embarrassed to admit it here, so they just disappear or switch usernames. But not to worry!  Their 'success testimonial' is forever saved here in electronic media...

3- Joining the IDF can often be the worst thing for a sexually immature and addicted person. The sex going on in the army - perhaps more in the IDF than in some other armies of the western world. It is known that many soldiers refer to females in the IDF as 'mattresses'. It's no joke. It is a tragedy.

Even if he joins a frum unit, things are often made worse because the stress of boot camp and everything else that goes on in that first year is not conducive to religious development or to spiritual centering. Yes, it will likely 'whip a guy into shape'...but if the guy is lacking the tools to integrate it, just wait till he gets out for R&R and watch that baby return with a vengeance.

There is a reason he was banned - and I do not know what it was for I was not involved. But whatever it was, he needs some basics...building blocks that he cannot possibly get by 'reading wisdom on a forum' nor from any sefer. Just like me and most of us, he needs real healthy relationships with the right kind of people that will be therapeutic for him, a good shrink, counselor, etc. None of those things can be gotten with fake names on a virtual forum.

They are just too real and too precious. And he is, too.

       

They are just too real and too precious. And he is, too.



 Dov, you are just too real and too precious. And he is, too.



And I hope that people are using this board consciously and not just to randomly respond to other posts...

Well, I think I'm being yanked by my yetzer hara/addicition/lust to go give myself a shot of dopamine or two or more, so I'm posting here... I think I can make it, though putting it out here helps.

HELP!!!! howberm12@gmail.com

howberm wrote:

Whats the issue

hi im new to the forum im feeling alittle down which usualy causes my downfall anyone there for a little chizuk

I'm here for you. Whenever you want feel free to email me(360gye@gmail.com)
You can push through this hard time
Good luck,
360gye

can i ask are you maried

do you mind sharing your resume first before putting mr gye on a 360 IQ test

Welcome!

Tell us more!

Is this the only thread you bumped on gye?

Have you read about objectification, hardcore cornography, dov quotes...

The night is young, so are you...

wasnt testing anyone just want to speak to some one married that will understant me better

Many guys here as I am, are married BH

How about you share your story on the BB section if you're more comfortable there

i recommend you speak with someone that's married and sober more than 100 days and you and your marriage will only get better day by day

Who to talk to?
checkout the "Free Towing" page below and reach out to the success guys, one trucker at a time

Almost all are married

Welcome!

I can relate I was in the same place as you, just stick around and you will get better and stronger by the minute, I'm here on GYE for 8 weeks or so and I'm a changed person.

you have a lot of good friends here that would love to see you succeed.

1 day at a time.

thank you 

hi guys, i am a gye member for like 2 years and a half. my 1st 90days was a success, i was clean 1 year and 2 months, but after that i started to fall like once a 50-60 days in average. today is my 53 day and i was very close to fall. "fall"=only act out, with out bad vidoes BH... its like when i reach 50 days clean, i start thinking "now i can allow myself to fall..." ofcourse is my Yezer Hara, what can i do to stay clean more time?
i am not married, 24 years old, live in israel...
BTW is it possible to join a virtual SA group in forums or smth?
TY for help and wounderfull website!