Monday, 20 February 2012

I Don't WANT It

by Will (See all authors)

Shabbos was amazing. Baruch Hashem, not many struggles with lust except for a few inappropriately dressed - so called - "tznius" women. When I would spot them in the distance, my head went down and I kept thinking, "Their mode of dress is disgusting. I will not contaminate my holy Neshama, my gift from Hashem".

I've been thinking a lot about what Rav Miller discusses in Day 4 of "Windows Of The Soul"; that we are a holy nation, and keeping our eyes in check should be done to keep ourselves holy - like we are meant to be. This has made Shmiras Einayim a lot easier for me to deal with, because I no longer view it as "combating lust"... Rather, I see it as keeping myself holy because that is what Hashem created me for. Like many people have said on the forum, its not about wanting lust and running away from it; it's about never wanting lust because it repulses us. A person should not be thinking to himself, "I really want to fantasize about this woman, but I won't because it's against my morals", rather he should be thinking "That is absolutely disgusting to me".

I like this approach a lot, especially since it means that I won't be running away my entire life... I won't be walking with my head down everywhere I go until I'm 90 and my libido has sputtered out. Hashem will have transformed me into a different person, a person who despises lust because it goes against the very grain of my essence - holiness.

Like "Kutan" so beautifully said (on the forum): I need to "despise lust, without any price... even for free... even if they'd pay me...." And I beg Hashem that he leads me to that holy state.