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GYE Corp. Wednesday, 11 January 2012

In response to the Lakewood Scoop article about our work, someone wrote in the comments:

I need a program called "guard your feet" (from going to bad places), "guard your self" (from doing wrong things), "guard your car" (from driving to bad places), etc.. Is anyone able to help me? I don't have internet and I still have tayva. I thought if I never get internet I would be holy. What happened? What am I doing wrong? I listened, I shut the web, I never went to a bad site. PLEASE HELP ME. I still have tayva! How could it be???

Someone responded as follows:

Tayva is something that never goes away. It is always there, we just have to work on controlling it. There's no program that will guard you from every single possibility of having tayva, even if you get a 24/7 guard, he will not be able to guard your heart and you will still have tayvos.

That is why, when I say "shelo asani aved" in the morning brachos hashachar, I have in mind that H-shem did not create me as a slave to my tayvos, and that He will give me the strength to overcome them.

My suggestion to you is as follows (because this is what I do): 1) Daven to H-shem to help you overcome this tayva, or to take it away completely. 2) In Birkas Hamazon, in the tefillah of rachem, if you don't already say it, add the words "v"lo nichashel" at the end (as in, "shelo neivosh, v'lo nikalem, v'lo nichashel l'olam vaed") and really concentrate on those words, asking H-shem for extra siyata d'shmaya not to be nichshol. 3) In krias shema al hamittah, the part where we say 4 different psukim 3 times each, the posuk where we say "L'shuascha kivisi H-shem, kivisi H-shem l'shuascha, H-shem l'shuascha kivisi", while saying that, ask H-shem to please "save me from myself" and not to be nichshol in whatever particular tayva it is, and that H-shem should "give me the strength to please overcome this difficult nisayon".

These are the things I do because I am at the point in my life where I am facing a lot of nisyonos and tayvos that I haven't had before. They may not be the same tayvos as you have, but the yetzer harah presents himself to every person with different stumbling blocks. Incidentally, I completely understand what you mean when you say that you thought getting rid of the internet would take away all the nisayon and you'll be clean again. I learned the hard way that it doesn't work like that (even though I really wish it were like an on and off switch!) It'll be hard, but use all your willpower and self control not to drive to these places, or do any physical acts that will drag you down. Stopping your thoughts is a lot harder, and will take a lot more time, so don't jump the gun. Hopefully when your physical urges calm down, so will your thoughts. That's what I found worked with me. But again, I am not a rav, nor an askan, nor any sort of authority, so I can't tell you this is what will work without a doubt. I can only tell you of my experiences and what has helped me overcome my particular nisyonos that I am still struggling with, to some extent, today.

Oh, and the last thing I would recommend you do is take upon yourself to do something as a z'chus for yourself. Nothing life changing/earth shattering, just something small that will be a z'chus. Whether it's being more makpid in a particular mitzvah, learning a sefer together with someone, or even just thanking H-shem more often for the little good things in life, whatever it is, just something small that you feel you can manage to really keep.

And the most important thing of all is to daven, daven, daven, that H-shem should help you overcome this great tayva that is machshil so many people today.

Hatzlacha Rabbah!


Elya commented as well:

The idea that we must have cellphones, ipads, ipods and iphones with internet access when we're sitting and learning Torah is an anomaly. After all, would you walk around with a dirty magazine in your pocket all day long? In the Bais Medrash? I doubt it. I doubt the Mashgiach would allow it, much less condone it. Yet, hundreds if not thousands of people convince themselves that they need to keep up with the "news," "sports," "entertainment," and more shtus that is the antithesis to Torah. Many, not all, Rabbanim turn a blind eye (pardon the pun) and simply say, "well, that's how this generation communicates and there is nothing we can do about it." If you don't really need it, save yourself these difficult nisyonos and get rid of it!

There are so many resources on GuardYourEyes. There are 25 weekly phone meetings at all hours of the day. There are live meetings in your community. There is even a hotline number you can call and talk to a live person in the evening from 10-11:30 p.m. This person will give you information on how to get better, resources, chizuk and sometimes "tough talk" if that's what you need.

This is a disease of connection. We yearn for connection to Hashem and to other people when we are lonely, tired, resentful, angry and sad. Yet we isolate ourselves because of the guilt and shame and the spiral begins again, spiraling down deeper and deeper until the computer is not enough and we engage in more dangerous behaviors, both to our souls and our bodies.

Get help today. (Elya's) HOTLINE: 901-685-3256 .