Wednesday, 11 January 2012

The 'Double-Fence' TaPHSiC Method

by GYE (See all authors)

TaPhSiC stands for "The Physical & Spiritual Combo" ("TaPhSiC" also means "Stop!" in Hebrew). It is one of the most powerful methods for Frum addicts, and it has helped many addicts stop these destructive behaviors completely. To learn more about this method, see this page of our website.

Today I'd like to introduce you to an even more powerful form of the TaPHSiC method, which is to make it into a double fence by using it for both before and after the fall. For example: Make a list of things to do before falling, such as taking a half hour walk, reaching out by phone to a friend from GYE for help, etc. Then, make the Shavuah that if you act out before doing the things on your list, you will have to do something very painful (say, give $500 to Tzedaka). But if you act out AFTER doing the things on your list, you will only have to give $50 to Tzedaka. In this way, you will feel obligated to do the things on your list before giving in, because you know that once you give in and the lust has past, you won't be able to ignore the Shavuah. The power of this method is, that by the time you are finished doing the things on the list, the lust attack will usually have dissipated. And often before giving in, even thinking of the things you will have to do will make you drop the whole idea in the first place. This double-fence TaPHSiC method has been shown to be one of the most powerful ways for frum addicts to break the addiction for the long term.

It's a delicate balance, but with careful thought and siyatta dishmaya, most Frum addicts can find a formula that really works for them, over time. And once we have found it, we will know. There will be a sudden feeling of joy - a tremendous new freedom in our lives. We will feel like we have literally been freed from the self-imposed "prison" that we have been living in for so many years!

Here's an example of the 'Double-Fence TaPHSiC method' that we recently helped someone in Jerusalem set up for himself:

1) I swear [in the name of Hashem] from now until 1:00 AM on Friday morning that if I am motzei z"l - or if I intentionally seek out and/or gaze at erotic images for more than 5 minutes within any given half hour's time - then I will go to Kever Rochel(which is not so far from Jerusalem) within 72 hours. If I travel to Meron (see next Shavuah), then I will not have to travel to Kever Rachel as well. If I am unable to travel because of an oness, then I will go within 72 hours of being able to.

2) I swear [in the name of Hashem] from now until 1:00 AM on Friday morning that if I am motzei z"l - or if I intentionally seek out and/or gaze at erotic images for more than 5 minutes within any given half hour's time - without having spoken to a person about my desire to be motzei z"l within the previous 2 hours, then I will travel to Meron (which is much further and harder to go to from Jerusalem) within 72 hours and stay there for at least 5 hours and I will tell my wife why I am going. If I am unable to go because of an oness, then I will go within 72 hours of being able to.

You can keep making minor adjustments as you go along. That is why it's best to make the vow only for a week at a time at first, and then maybe a month... But once you are confident and comfortable with the vows and see that they really work for you, you may need to make them only once a year!