I was going out of my mind all morning with the pain that I was inevitably going to fall pretty soon. I was actually spending the morning learning, and I even went to a shuir, and all the time I kept having obsessive thoughts about what would happen when I got back to my room in just a few hours. I so badly wished I could be free of this terrible obsession and just focus myself fully on connecting to the Torah and to H'shem, but I was seriously obsessed and couldn't wait to get back to me room and to be alone to finally give in. It was so painful to know that I was killing myself, but yet I just wanted to do it. I seriously walked towards my room knowing 100% that once I closed the door I would have no chance - I was doomed. But a miracle happened. I opened my computer and read some of the GYE attitude stuff and it really helped, and then I decided to post on the forum. Somehow, the wisdom and support of GYE helped me BS"D to get over that pain and get back in touch with what I and we all are really aiming for. GYE IS SAVING MY LIFE.