A Non-Jew Shares His Progress
Click here to see his original story from about two years ago.
We can all learn a lot from these posts below.
First of all, let me wish you a very happy new year. May be it a great one for everybody on GYE.
You have helped me so much in the past two years, and I am very grateful for all the support and guidance that you have given, and continue to give me. I know that I will always have an immense amount of progress to make, but looking back to where I was a few years ago, my life has been totally transformed. You have played a large and indispensable part in all of this. Thanks be to God for guiding me to you.
I thought long and hard about whether I should e-mail you since I don't want to keep on taking your time. However, I feel that I should be honest and open with you, since I regard you as my mentor as well my friend in this struggle.
Yesterday night, I fell again. Whilst almost asleep in bed, I somehow managed to masturbate without realizing the severity of what I was doing until it was too late.
To be frank though, I think that overconfidence led to this episode. I thought that I was stronger than I was about 6 months to a year ago, so some of my previous precautions and fences no longer applied.
There is nothing I wouldn't do to conquer this disease, but I'm constantly torn between wanting to live a 'normal' life and being ultra-careful, but failing to maintain that degree of moral tension for long. This is especially more difficult since I am a non-Jew and really do enjoy things like films, books etc etc.
Anyway, thanks for your time and help.
A few days later he sent me an e-mail:
Sorry to bother you again, but I wanted to let you know what I've done in response to my recent spate of falls. Looking over the past couple of years, I have realized that although I've made a huge amount of progress, I have an even greater amount of work to do both now and in the future.
Also, whilst reading your handbooks, I realized that I'm just a "dry drunk" when it comes to SA. All I've effectively been doing is trying to avoid pornography and masturbation, rather than making a real and serious effort to overhaul my entire being. I've been running away from God and postponing something that I perceived as painful and burdensome.
I started by deleting all the links and bookmarks I could that led to websites with pictures of models, attractive young girls etc. Yesterday I also wiped all the games (including all saved data) from my computers. This was something I've wanted to do for the past two years, but never had the strength to fulfill. I was like Isildur from the Lord of the Rings who could not give up and destroy the ring. I must have wasted about 15-20 hours a week playing games. From now on, I will use this time to read, exercise, play the piano, learn languages and help my mum with the housework.
Finally, that dangerous book I've been reading that has caused me to fall multiple times will be given to a charity shop. I can't bring myself to burn a beautiful leather bound book with a gold and green covering that is considered a classic, so I guess this is the next best thing.
I've also made a whole list of new year's resolutions that I intend to review every day. Studying the GYE handbooks is also included as one of my goals, and by the end of March, I hope to have reached 90 days clean and to have internalized the GYE philosophy.
Thank you for all your time and help and I hope your son's Bar Mitzvah was great fun! May God bless you, your family and all the members of GYE.
Take care and best wishes!
P.S. I really want to e-mail you with a happy story in three months time.