Making Great Progress
I've been seeing the therapist (that you suggested) for a while; B"H we have a good repertoire and have been dealing a lot with core issues. We've spoke about acting out and the like; he's been on top of it and we've been using both hypnosis and practical methods. B"H I am down to mast* only like once a week - sometimes even less. And we've managed to totally disconnected it from lust.
And remember how I used to kvetch about my eshes chayil (that maybe if she was only prettier I would have less of an issue)? Yeah, well that's pretty much gone. She's beautiful. Now I finally see my addiction for what it really is - a "stress coping mechanism" (or just an all-around coping mechanism). That I owe directly to my therapist and his analysis of what the heck I wanted. My learning, my marriage, my "giving capability" and my ability to cope with life are all much much much better. I feel very hopeful.
The other day my wife's computer fuzzed out and I had to erase everything. Including the filter. But my neighbor has unfiltered internet over Wifi! My wife was asleep in the next room. I gritted my teeth - and excuse my French - said to H* with you, not today! And I woke her up. She wandered out, sleepy - whaah? - and I downloaded K9 and made her put in a password and sent her to bed. And I smiled. When I do act out these days, it is must less "lustful", but p**n means death. Period. End of story.
Thanks for everything!,
P.S. I hope to join Duvid Chaim's calls on his next time through the 12-Steps, hopefully starting in a few weeks!